Charles Rubin - Dont Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children

Charles Rubin who lives in Sonoma County, California, is the president of the Inner Light Foundation which preserves and teaches the work of author Betty Bethards. As a parent, he has personally experienced the process of surviving his childrens substance addictions.

Charles Rubin

Sonoma County, California London, England

This NewCentury Publishers Edition copyright 2010
Charles Rubin

First published in USA, Great Britain, Australia, Spain, Brazil,
France, Slovakia

Original copyright 1996 Charles Rubin

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced
or utilized in any form or by any means, electronically or
mechanically, without prior permission in writing from the
publisher.

Library of Congress-in-Publishing Data

Rubin, Charles

Dont let your kids kill you: a survival guide for parents of
drug addicts and alcoholics/ Charles Rubin
3rd ed.

Includes index

LCCN: 2007930494

ISBN: 978-0-9679790-5-2

1. Parents of alcoholics. 2. Parents of narcotic addicts.
3. AlcoholicsFamily relationships.

4. Narcotics addictsFamily relationships. 1.Title

HV5132R83 606.8669

QB103-536

Cover Design: Izumi Motai

Printed in the United States of America
3rd Edition
45678910

NewCentury Publishers

P.O. Box 750265

Petaluma, CA 94975

Tel: 707 769 9808

Email: NewCentPub.com

www.NewCenturyPublishers.com

For my dear wife, Betty

In memory of my beloved wife, Betty Bethards, author (The Dream Book: Symbols of Self Understanding and other books) and spiritual leader, who inspired me to write this book, and to all the parents, parents groups, treatment centers, rehabilitation centers, therapists, 12-step groups, and teachers who have found value in these pages. Additionally, to those who know of the tragedy and waste created by drug and alcohol abuse, and have had the courage to face the problems instead of sweeping them under the carpet.

C ONTENTS

At the time that I wrote Dont Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children, I was living in a state of desperation due to two kids on drugs. In order to get through the day to day onslaught, I wrote for myself a personal guide that would not only allow me to deal with the unrelieved emotional stress, but one that might help me strive for some measure of happiness and fulfillment in this bleakest of circumstances.

I hadnt intended this guide for publication but when I mentioned it to my agent, the legendary Ben Kamsler, he predicted that it would be in every home in America. I now think that what he meant was that this book belonged in every home in America. He knew that children all over the country (and the world for that matter) were succumbing to the drug pandemic which was wrecking the lives of countless millions of people, both the children and their families.

There are many helpful books and programs available that focus solely on the erring child, but Dont Let Your Kids Kill You is the only book available for parents and parents alone. Its a source that gives parents the help and motivation they need to nurture and believe in themselves and to treasure their own lives. Some critics might have seen this as a selfish quest, but not only do the parents benefit through a program of taking care of themselves, but their children benefit as well. It is only through parents becoming conscious of their own needs and living as positive a life as possible that anything can change.

The position that dares suggest parents have a right to a good life is, at times, contrary to what a great portion of our society believes. The accepted behavior, in social terms, is for parents with kids on drugs to go around like zombies, neglecting their work and the rest of their families and of course, themselves, so as to steep themselves in misery over what their drug-induced kids might be up to.

Making that position worse is a government that spends millions on TV spots that point the finger at the parent as someone who hasnt raised his or her child right and who has to take ultimate responsibility and blame for this lack of guidance. These spots drone on about how parents are supposed to talk to their children about drugs. A parent can talk to a child who is on drugs until he or she is blue in the face. This is like trying to talk to a child about sex. In both cases, its pretty clear from todays information revolution that even an fifth-grader can provide us with far more details than we can provide him or her.

So when my agent persuaded me to publish my personal guidewhich was saving me from hellI was only too happy to comply. In the first printing, there were two reactions: One from parents who were incredibly relieved to find such a book, and another from the parents who were frightened to death by the title and premise. With the latter group, just going to the cashier with such a book struck fear into their heartswhat would the cashier think? For that matter what would relatives and neighbors and coworkers think? Would the parent just laugh nervously if discovered reading this book and would he or she blush a scarlet hue and say the book was for someone else? Would the secret that the parent harbored a child doing drugs be revealed to the world?

There were parents who read the book on the sly. I even thought of marketing it in a plain brown wrapper. But with the rapid increase in children succumbing to substances and the present situation when drug-taking is at an all-time high (no pun intended), many of these parents are now overlooking any prior reservations about safeguarding the secret and shame of having drug-ridden children, and the book has become even more in demand.

Of course, there are still some parents who shirk any possibility of being discovered. I get calls and emails regularly from parents who absolutely refuse to identify themselves, but at the same time, desperately want advice on how to stay sane, stay alive.

Dont Let Your Kids Kill You is not only a book, but a companion you can refer to on a daily basis. I know, from what many parents have told me, that the reason this book is a successful resource is that it is written by someone just like them. Someone who had suffered great pain and confusion due to the choices made by a beloved child.

And so, here it is, the newly revised