Debra Evans - Blessing Your Grown Children: Affirming, Helping, and Establishing Boundaries

Also by Debra Evans

Blessing Your Husband
Soul Satisfaction: For Women Who Long for More
Without Moral Limits: Women, Reproduction,
and Medical Technology (1st ed. and rev. ed.)
The Christian Womans Guide to Childbirth
Women of Courage: Inspiring Stories of Faith, Hope, and Endurance
The Christian Womans Guide to Personal Health Care
Ready or Not, Youre a Grandparent
The Christian Womans Guide to Sexuality
Kindred Hearts: Nurturing the Bond Between Mother and Daughter
Women of Character: Life-Changing Examples of Godly Women
Christian Parenting Answers: Before Birth to Five Years
Beauty and the Best: A Christian Womans Guide to True Beauty
The Womans Complete Guide to Personal Health Care
Blessed Events: Christian Couples Share Their Experiences of Gods
Blessing Through Natural Parenthood, Infertility, and Adoption
Preparing for Childbirth
Fragrant Offerings
Beauty for Ashes
Heart & Home: A Reaffirmation of Traditional Mothering
The Mystery of Womanhood
The Complete Book on Childbirth

Blessing Your Grown Children
Copyright 2012 by Debra Evans
All rights reserved.

A Focus on the Family book published by
Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188

Focus on the Family and the accompanying logo and design are federally registered trademarks of Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995.

TYNDALE and Tyndales quill logo are registered trademarks of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.TM Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. (www.zondervan.com). Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org). Scripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible [paraphrase], copyright 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (MSG) are taken from THE MESSAGE [paraphrase]. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. Scripture quotations marked (NEB) are taken from the New English Bible, copyright by Oxford University Press and Cambridge University Press 1961, 1970. Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version, (NKJVTM). Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (AMP) ae taken from The Amplified Bible. Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Peoples names and certain details of their stories have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals involved. However, the facts of what happened and the underlying principles have been conveyed as accurately as possible.

The use of material from or references to various Web sites does not imply endorsement of those sites in their entirety.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of Focus on the Family.

Editor: Brandy Bruce
Designed by Jacqueline L. Nuez
Cover photograph of family in field copyright Westend61/Corbis. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph of adults copyright Eric Audras/PhotoAlto/Corbis. All rights reserved.
Cover photograph copyright Image Source Photography /stock-photo/-ISP0047006 /Veer. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Evans, Debra.
Blessing your grown children / by Debra Evans.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references (p. ) and index.
ISBN 978-1-4143-6460-5 (alk. paper)
1. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Parent and adult childReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4529.E88 2012
248.845dc23

2011041218

ISBN: 978-1-58997-479-1

Printed in the United States of America
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 /17 16 15 14 13 12

To my dad and mom, John and Nancy Munger,
whose love and blessing encourage me still.
To my husband and partner in parenting, David,
with whom I continue to share each step along the way
by the grace of our generous Father.

A NOTE ABOUT THE
PEOPLE IN THIS BOOK

For the sake of protecting everyones privacy, with the exception of my familys privacy in certain instances, I have changed the names of the people whose stories I shared in this book, and in various cases I have created composites of their stories based on the conversations and correspondence I have had the privilege of sharing with them. In every case, I obtained permission from the people I wrote about before including them in Blessing Your Grown Children. I trust you will gain encouragement and understanding as you consider the familiar themes, questions, and concerns voiced by so many of my valued friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.

When we ask God to bless our families, how do we partner with Him in this endeavor? What means are available to us in this pursuit?

These are the two main questions I invite you to explore with me as you read Blessing Your Grown Children.

When I began working on this book, my husband, Dave, and I were living alone at our house in Austin, Texas, our adopted hometown for the past eighteen years. Our adult children, having long since left home, were then residing in a variety of places in Texas and Colorado, with only one of them choosing to settle nearby.

Given our fairly predictable now that the kids are grown daily routine at the time, I had every reason to expect that the writing process would be a relatively straightforward experience involving about fifteen weeks worth of extended retreats spent in the quiet calm of my household office.

But before we knew it, all three of our long-gone grown kids unexpectedly returned to live in Austin, with two of them temporarily moving back into our home.

The first thing to go was my office. I quickly packed, pushed, and piled everything from the two bedrooms where our son and daughter would be staying into the spare, windowless space Ive always used for writing. That was the easy part. After all, laptops are ideally designed for off-site use and easy portability, arent they?

The second thing that went was my writing schedule. As our children one by one faced large life transitions and complex crisesemergency-room visits and hospitalizations, new jobs, a third pregnancy following two miscarriages within the same year, heart surgery, long-distance relocations, financial stresses, challenges related to coping with chronic illness, and moremy husband and I rearranged our daily plans as needed. We also found ourselves coming face-to-face with our past, present, and future roles as parents.

The third thing to disappear was my rough draft of this book. When I realized the manuscript I had been working on didnt offer the most important ideas and suggestions that