Nina W. Brown - Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Ups Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

In this book, Nina Brown provides hope to those who struggle to overcome the negative impact of self-absorbed parents. She presents down-to-earth, practical strategies for gaining insight into the parental toxic effect, and developing approaches to overcome it. The information in this book can also be valuable to anyone working with adults trying to understand how their parents still negatively influence them as adults.

Travis J. Courville, LCSW, CGP, FAGPA , licensed clinical social worker, fellow of the American Group Psychotherapy Association, certified group psychotherapist, and adjunct professor in the Graduate College of Social Work at the University of Houston

Positive revenge and bypassing forgiveness are two brilliant strategies found in this remarkable guide that provides a detailed map to moving forward from wounds inflicted by parents who prioritize themselves above their children. This novel path can preserve and repair connection without retaliatory damage. Included are varied expressive exerciseswriting, drawing, visualizingthat have broad reach for individuals, practitioners, and educators alike. With sensitivity and without judging, Nina Brown outlines how to implement these creative steps to healing that can lead the way to your most satisfying life!

Helene Satz, PsyD, ABPP, CGP, LFAGPA , behavioral health faculty at Tripler Army Medical Center in Honolulu, HI; 2018 recipient of the Harold S. Bernard Group Psychotherapy Training Award from the International Board for Certification of Group Psychotherapists

Excellent reference for anyone, especially children reared by a self-absorbed parent. The book is broken down into digestible bits, making it very easy to absorb. Nina Brown invites the reader to take the path to the person they want to be. All along, I thought I assumed the role of the compliant child; reading this book helped me to realize instead that I assumed the role of the rebellious childthis new perspective has been very helpful.

Nial P. Quinlan, LPC, PhD , counselor in private practice in Norfolk/Yorktown, VA

This very important book serves as a guide to recovery for those who have grown up with self-absorbed parents. Nina Browns voice leads the reader through understanding, self-exploration, and ultimately to healing. There is profound hope on these pages. This book provides the reader with clarity, compassion, and the tools for building a life that is full of self-acceptance and deeper meaning. The exercises suggested in each chapter offer the reader creative and thoughtful ways to integrate this material. It is truly a therapeutic journey led by a knowledgeable and trustworthy guide.

Tony L. Sheppard, PsyD , author of Group Psychotherapy with Children

The journey to authenticity is often bumpy. Nina Brown helps the reader understand why they may not be living up to their full potential. Hope is offered in developing the essential inner self. More importantly, Brown speaks to the strategies of how to address the destructive narcissistic pattern. No false promises are made to the reader, letting the reader know it will take diligence and determination to reach for their more cohesive, authentic self. Breaking unhealthy cycles offers hope for generations to come. The author reassures the reader throughout, and her style is anything but that of a self-absorbed parent.

Karen S. Travis, LCSW, BCD, CGP, FAGPA , licensed clinical social worker and certified group psychotherapist in private practice, and chair of the Group Foundation for Advancing Mental Health

For those of us who have often suffered the inevitable humiliating regression back to childhood during every holiday with the family, this book offers real help to the reader to develop the self-protective art of indifferencea cloak that can be used at many a holiday gatheringand to understand the subtle yet profound differences between ineffective and effective confrontation, empathy, and sympathy; and attaching response and defusing strategy, a completely new cupboard of techniques.

Joel C. Frost, EdD , assistant clinical professor of psychology in the department of psychology at Harvard Medical School

Children of the Self-Absorbed offers practical advice and guidance. The creative techniques and exercises are priceless to both the reader learning how to identify destructive parental behaviors and how to cope with them, as well as the reader learning to nurture and protect his or her own developing self.

Susan Hopper, PhD , clinical psychologist in private practice in St. Louis, MO

Children of narcissistic parents are provided techniques to dig themselves out of impossible relationships with their parentsa thoroughly well-thought-out, useful manual to help adult children move toward more productive connection to their narcissistic parents, to themselves, and to others.

Joan Medway, PhD, LCSW , psychologist in private practice in Potomac, MD

Publishers Note

This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

In consideration of evolving American English usage standards, and reflecting a commitment to equity for all genders, they/them is used in this book to denote singular persons.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

Copyright 2020 by Nina W. Brown

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

5674 Shattuck Avenue

Oakland, CA 94609

www.newharbinger.com

Cover design by Amy Shoup

Acquired by Elizabeth Hollis Hansen

Edited by Ken Knabb

All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Brown, Nina W., author.

Title: Children of the self-absorbed : a grown-ups guide to getting over narcissistic parents / by Nina W. Brown.

Description: Third edition. | Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, [2020] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2019055179 (print) | LCCN 2019055180 (ebook) | ISBN 9781684034208 (paperback) | ISBN 9781684034215 (pdf) | ISBN 9781684034222 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Parent and adult child. | Adult children--Psychology. | Narcissism. | Families--Psychological aspects.

Classification: LCC HQ755.86 .B76 2020 (print) | LCC HQ755.86 (ebook) | DDC 158.2/4--dc3

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019055179

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019055180

This book is dedicated to our son Michael R. Brown,
September 1960April 2019. We will always love you.

Contents

Preface

When children grow up with a self-absorbed parent, they may find that there are lingering effects on them as adultseffects such as being manipulated, seduced, or intimidated to do things they do not wish to do or that are destructive for them; being unable to initiate and maintain satisfying and enduring relationships; being unable to say no and stick to it; and other negative behaviors and attitudes with others as well as with the self-aborbed parent. Some try to work through their issues or concerns with mental health professionals, but find that it is just about impossible to adequately describe what their formative years were like.

Read the following and see if any of this resonates with you: