Christine Black Cummings - Black-Eyed Susan: A Love-Child Finds Her Father and Her Self

BLACK-EYED SUSAN

A LOVE-CHILD FINDS HER FATHER AND HER SELF

CHRISTINE BLACK CUMMINGS

Copyright 2011, 2013 Christine Black Cummings.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-7236-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-7238-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-7237-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013906613

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/31/2013

TABLE OF CONTENTS

This book is dedicated to love-children of all ages who:

wonder who you are

dont know a birthparentfemale or male

feel rejected

wonder if you are loved

wonder to whom you belong

think you are a mistake

doubt your worth

feel shame about where you came from or how you have lived your life

feel an emptiness that may be difficult to describe

stuff or stifle or sabotage yourself

have questions

hear a little voice suggesting, Learn more about who you are.

If this book inspires even one of you to accept yourself as a child of Gods love, I will consider my time well spent.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 8: 32

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

TO MY MOTHER WHO LOVED me so bountifully, my thanks are bundled with the love I found hard to express while you were alive. To my king of the road, Dave, the true hero of this story, thank you for respecting my need to take this journey and for being open to adventure and change. Your love is my rock. To our sons Andy and Steve, their wives Sarah and Kelly, and our grandchildren Graham, Bennett, Michael, Tyler and Casey, I am grateful for your love, patience, understanding and support. Please know how much you are loved. To friends and other family who supported me with love when I feared what I might find, thank you; Jean-Bave-Kerwin, sister Judy Cummings, Pat Benzien, Irene Santa, Connie Bookwalter, Julie Danoff and Romelle Durand, you are among the angels who breathed air into my wings. To counselors and ministers, including Blanche Rosen Goodwin, Rev. Dr. George Ault, Rev. Dr. Bob Wheaton, Rich Schoenberg, PsyD, Dr. Maxine Kaye and Rev. Joe Hooper, thank you for helping me muster courage and retrieve my voice. To my dear brothers Tom and Bill, along with family and friends, thank you for opening your arms and hearts and for teaching me the true meaning of brotherly love. To sister Marilou for opening the door to the family connection I craved and for keeping it open, thank you. Sybil Frost-Clark, the bearer of treasures from my fathers past, thank you for helping me redefine family; you are a true treasure. Abundant thanks go to those who encouraged my writing, including my third grade teacher, Joan Bean Smith and my fifth grade teacher, Frances Moroney Whited. Last Christmas, both sent cards asking, Hows the book coming? To Joan, I trust you smile down on what you read. To the first friends who said, You must write a book about finding your brothers, RG and Kay Wyckoff, thank you for knowingfrom the startthat its a story worth telling. Ira Wood and Marge Piercy, whose memoir writing workshop I attended at the Omega Institute, your exercises in dialogue and third-person perspective were seeds that flourished into the voice of Susan; thank you. Thank you, friend and creative writing teacher Pat White, for probing questions, insightful comments and continuing encouragement to craft what began as scribbling in journals into a cohesive whole. To Roxelle Samarron, the first prayer practitioner to help me get back into creative flow, thank you. Rev. Jerry Styner, thank you for affirming, when my writing was at a standstill, Your book is complete in the mind of God. To Rev. Laura Shackelford and Rev. Bill Thompson, whose red and green pens wrote words that helped me believe in my writing, thank you. To songstress Karen Drucker, whose I Am So Blessed and I Give Myself Permission top my list of favorites that could fill this page and spill out onto another, thank you for your ongoing inspiration. To Diane Berk, Diane Holloway, Kathy Borrud, Marybeth Higuera, Phyllis Kirk, Joyce Miller, Sharon Miller, Ginny Schneider, Kathy Schneider, Victoria Slotto, Janet Wahnquist, Laural Winston, editor extraordinaire Denise OConnor and others, thank you for your gift of reading and proofing the manuscript at its various stages; your feedback was essential to what it is today. Louann Yates, Laura Christie and Sarah Cummings: your mother-daughter interest inspired me to keep going. Helen Hildebrandt, your faith in me helped me regain my voice; thank you. To Rev. John Scott, although weve not yet met, thank you for inspiring me to, write an illumined script of my life. I have. Ive been inspired by many, including Nancy Bond, George Cox, Jim and Joyce Miller, who have either found or considered looking for biological family. Nephew Bill Davis, supported by his wife Melody and daughter Christie Ogden, brought joy to our lives when he found sister Judy who is his biological mother. Thank you, one and all. To beloved Rev. Marian Whiteman, I owe special thanks for affirming, You are a writer, and, An audience waits for this book. In memory of my soul sister Vera Kitchen whose motto was, Whats next? Im ready! I say, Im ready too. To my prayer partner who I call Sister Sunflower goes gratitude beyond words. Prayers aplenty have supported me, and to each one who prayed and continues to pray, thank you. What you hold in your hands is answered prayer. Thank you, Father of us all; You are the father who defines who I am. Thank You for the courage to take this journey, the faith You are there every step of the way, the compassion to forgive, and the confidence to release my love-child to the world. May she sing to other love-children, Its safe to learn who you are.

Oh Word, go forth and heal and bless all humanity.

Tell them of their Divine Birthright.

Ernest Holmes

WHILE I HAVE TRIED TO accurately record experiences and places I visited as I navigated my past and explored new territories, andto the best of my recollectionto honestly recount what happened, I acknowledge that words I heard, actions I saw and events I experienced were colored by my perception. Their inclusion is not to tarnish, but rather to demonstrate the impact words and actions can have, especially on children and others whose low sense of self-worth may make them vulnerable. For reasons of privacy, certain names have been omitted. Since this book is about my journey to wholenessnot a timeline of my lifecertain dates and time sequences have been changed to make the story more understandable.