Olivia Ghafoerkhan - Siblings: The Ultimate Teen Guide

Siblings

It Happened to Me

Series Editor: Arlene Hirschfelder

Books in the It Happened to Me series are designed for inquisitive teens digging for answers about social issues, certain illnesses, or lifestyle interests. These books feature up-to-date information, relatable teen views, and thoughtful suggestions to help you figure out stuff. Besides special boxes that highlight singular facts, each book is enhanced with the latest reading lists, websites, and other recommendations.

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Parental Death: The Ultimate Teen Guide , by Michelle Shreeve

Self-Injury: The Ultimate Teen Guide , by Judy Dodge Cummings

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Siblings

The Ultimate Teen Guide

Olivia Ghafoerkhan

ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD

Lanham Boulder New York London

Published by Rowman & Littlefield

An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706

www.rowman.com

6 Tinworth Street, London, SE11 5AL, United Kingdom

Copyright 2019 by The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Ghafoerkhan, Olivia, 1982 author.

Title: Siblings : the ultimate teen guide / Olivia Ghafoerkhan.

Description: Lanham : Rowman & Littlefield, [2019] | Series: It happened to me | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018044289 (print) | LCCN 2018047762 (ebook) | ISBN 9781538100011 (electronic) | ISBN 9781538100004 (cloth : alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Brothers and sisters. | Sibling rivalry.

Classification: LCC BF723.S43 (ebook) | LCC BF723.S43 G48 2019 (print) | DDC 155.44/3dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018044289

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992.

Printed in the United States of America

To those wonderful siblings in my life:

my wonderful children (and the beautiful relationship between them);

my sister; and

my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law, and their amazing brother

(the one I get to call my husband)

Contents

Acknowledgments

F irst, I have to thank my family. It takes a lot of time and space to research and write a work like this. I wouldnt have been able to do so without the love and support of my husband and the understanding and patience of my children. Thank you for sharing me with the writing.

There have been several people who have contributed to the creation of this work in meaningful ways. Anne Beebe, one of the amazing librarians at the Woodbridge campus of Northern Virginia Community College, assisted with some of the research. Danielle Hale offered substantial support to the creative process, as well as a listening ear. Nicole White and Devan Kirk assisted in giving me time away from the kids to read research. Additionally, Marquesas Blimes and Tabitha Stacy offered support and encouragement for this work.

Many thanks to all those who shared stories about their relationships with their siblings. Those stories offered invaluable insight and helped bring this text to life.

Id like to thank Rowman & Littlefield and the dedicated staff with whom I was privileged to work. Series editor Arlene Hirschfelder; acquisitions editor Stephen Ryan; and assistant editor Deni Remsberg offered assistance and feedback on this work. Special thanks as well to managing production editor Jessica McCleary.

Introduction

T he sibling relationship is one of the most enduring connections during our lifetimes. It precedes friendships and romantic relationships and usually outlasts the parent-child relationship. The impact of the sibling relationship is felt throughout the life span as well, with close and healthy sibling relationships contributing to better emotional well-being and less depression in old age. Despite what we know about the long-lasting nature of the sibling relationship, it is one familial relationship that hasnt been studied very much.

The order in which we come into our families can contribute to the roles we play in our families. Firstborns are often leaders and are driven to succeed. They are also often given the bulk of responsibilities at home. Middle-born children often do the opposite of what their firstborn sibling does, in an effort to distinguish themselves and gain some parental attention. Last-borns are the babies of the family and are often charismatic charmers. Additionally, twins and multiples share special relationships and are often extremely close.

Not all sibling relationships are positive. Sibling rivalries, beginning in childhood, can be very intense and can extend into adulthood. Sometimes the contentions between siblings can get out of control and turn into sibling abuse, which is the most common form of domestic violence. It is also the least reported and is often downplayed by parents and others as being just normal conflict between siblings. These troubled relationships and abuses can be challenging to recover from.

Family units today are often complex, and blended or stepfamilies are becoming more common. Step-sibling relationships play an important role in the blended family, with fewer conflicts between step siblings being associated with better overall family unity. Siblings in foster care face additional challenges, and adopted children may need extra time and space to bond with their new siblings.

Siblings and families face additional challenges when a child is sick or has a disability. These challenges can put a strain on family resources, including time and money. The siblings of ill or disabled children may need to mature faster and take on additional family responsibilities and roles.

The death of a sibling can be especially hard to cope with because it marks the end of a relationship that is meant to last a lifetime. Because everyone grieves in different ways, and because parents are grieving too, this can be a particularly challenging time.

As we grow and age with our siblings, our relationships change and transform. Once we no longer live in the same household as our siblings, our contact with each other may be limited. Other life pursuits, like working on a college degree, starting a career, or raising a family of our own, may lead to more distance between us and our siblings. But the sibling relationship is still there and can still be a source of support. A phone call to vent about the kids, or some special time together during a family vacation, or the occasional trip out to dinner can help sustain the sibling bond during these busy years.