Kimberly Seals-Allers - The Mocha Manual to Military Life: Savvy Guide for Wives, Girlfriends, and Female Service Members

As the Mocha Manual series of books continues to expand, the list of thank yous and my running debt of gratitude could fill its own book. So, due to limited space I will simply thank all those who continue to support me, help me realize my dream, and encourage me when I lose sight of the mark.

Im eternally grateful to my parents, James and Alma Seals, my brother, Jeffrey, and my sister, Katrina, for helping me become who I am. I am thankful to my grandmother, Helen Nurse, who teaches me the true meaning of courage and character and my uncle, James Billy, whose own life story inspires me. Thanks to my girlfriends, old friends (I didnt forget you this time, Will Dawson), rediscovered friends, partners in crime, and my #1 partner in possibilities.

Thank you to Dawn Davis and Amistad for believing in my vision and to Pamela McBride for sharing her journey and insights with me in this incredible book.

Lastly, I am increasingly indebted to my children, Kayla and Michael Jaden, who constantly inspire me to soar into stratosphere but laugh more along the way. Thank you. You are loved beyond words.

Kimberly Seals-Allers

Thank God for bringing people and situations into my life at the right time; once again, timing was everything! Your blessings and guidance made this book come to life.

Doug, for all your love and support, I thank you a million times over. You are the reason I have this story and mentorship to share. We have kept our family the priority and been a twenty-year dynamic duo of unwavering support to Army soldiers and families. Hooah! Tr and Taylor, you have much to offer the world. Stay focused on God and family; they will both be with you forever. I love you dearly!

Dad, you are a godsend! Thanks for helping take care of the children, house, cars, dogs, yard, and anything else that came up when one or both of us were away. Sis, you are like no other. Much love and gratitude for being there for me and for my family no matter what! You are simply, the best. Ill always be there for you and your family, too.

Mom, thanks for being the cheerleader of the century. Love you much! Mom-in-law, much appreciation for always being only a phone call away. To my late father-in-law, we love you more today than ever.

Regina Galvin, my writing mentor and friend, and the reason I was offered this opportunity. Thanks for your tough love as an editor, and lots of opportunities, especially my current gig: homefrontonline.com.

Col. (Ret.) and Mrs. Paige, we still brag about you and share your advice. To President and Mrs. Obama, thank you for the impact youve made on families all over the world.

Kimberly, on behalf of military families, thanks for your vision of this book as the third in your Mocha Manual series. I have learned a great deal from my partnership with you. Thanks to the Amistad/HarperCollins family, especially Dawn Davis, Christina Morgan, and Maya Ziv.

Fellow mocha military families, may this bring you encouragement, tools, and lots of laughs. Remember, if we all take care of military families, we will remain the strongest military in the world. Hooah!

Pamela McBride

Yes, You Can!

Living Your Best Military Life

G rowing up, I had very little military experience in my life. I remember my cousin Benjamin always showed up to family reunions in a crisp green uniform with lots of medals, but, to be honest, I never bothered to ask why. More recently, my cousin Jamis attended West Point, and she is now a helicopter pilot for the army. And although I felt great pride knowing that West Point is a prestigious military institution, I know very little else of her life as a service member. For those of us on the outside, the military world seems like a strange club governed by lots of rules and protocol, requiring a level of discipline beyond what most of us could muster.

Lately, world events have made us all a lot more familiar with our armed forces. The war on terror has brought us countless images of wounded soldiers, monthly death counts, and a new and unwanted familiarity with IEDs (improvised explosive devices). We see news reports of soldiers leaving spouses and children for yearlong deployments, and images of sweet homecomings of flag-bearing kids waiting for returning dads. As a New Yorker living in post-9/11 America, Ive seen more soldiers in our streets, train stations, and airports than ever before. But even now, despite a renewed awareness of our armed forces, we know very little about the people who love and support them, the people who kiss them good-bye. We often see these men and women as soldiers, not necessarily as everyday men and women with doting wives and husbands and bright-eyed children left behind.

That is why I feel very honored to team up with Pamela McBride, an army wife of more than twenty years and an accomplished journalist in her own right, to bring you this Mocha Manual for military spouses. This may sound like a bumper sticker, but after spending several months interviewing, spending time with, and learning about this unique group, I am thoroughly convinced that they are truly the heroes at home. But they are often overlooked. Whats been missing from our wartime and peacetime coverage is an honest look at the toll the war takes at home for military families, particularly wives. Nobody is talking about how these women can cope, how they can be supported, how they can connect and keep their marriages strong. Nobody is talking candidly about the other woman in military marriagesthe military.

Thats where The Mocha Manual comes in. If you are, or about to become, married to the military, welcome to the world of military spousesyour new club. Consider this book your guide to managing every aspect of your new life: from all the crazy acronyms, rules, and bureaucracy to keeping your sanity during relocation and deployment. And while other guidebooks may only tell you the official story, The Mocha Manual tells you about the unwritten rules, guides you on how to work the system, and speaks to the special situations you may face as a woman of color.

Many bases are located in remote locations where there isnt much mocha, making it harder to connect to an external community, find a church that feels like home, or establish a comfort level outside the base. And of course, we dont have to tell you the stories of spouses who cant find their favorite hair products or soul food items in their locale. We need those things!

And since the military community is a microcosm of the greater world, we know that racism exists among the military ranks as it does in the civilian world. That puts extra pressure on our African American service members, and even more pressure on the wives who support them. This book is particularly necessary since research proves that we do not typically access resources and services to address emotional and mental scarstwo common by-products of military life.

To begin, lets just be clear that African Americans have a deep connection to the military. Our presence in the army still exceeds our presence in the general population. African Americans make up 25 percent of all enlisted army soldiers, while making up only 13 percent of the U.S. population. We are the largest ethnic group serving in both active duty and reserve personnel across all branches and units; therefore, we play a large part in the defense of this nation. Whats more, the armed forces have long been seen as a key driver for the growth of the black middle class, giving many of our families a solid career, with good benefits and pay.