Dr. Jill Hubbard - The Secrets Women Keep: What Women Hide and the Truth that Brings Them Freedom

Praise for
The Secrets Women Keep

Just as strychnine is poison to our bodies, so are secrets for our souls. Dr. Jill gently helps us sort through those toxic secrets that are poisoning our systems and leads us, then, to a place of understanding and renewed emotional health. This is a life-changing book. Im willing to bet my upper porcelain veneers you will agree!

MARILYN MEBERG
Women of Faith speaker and
author, Love Me, Never Leave Me

Dr. Jill Hubbard is an insightful and smart therapist who understands how powerful secrets can be in a persons life. She approaches the subject with sensitivity and offers help that brings healing.

DR. LINDA MINTLE
Author, therapist, and resident expert,
Living the Life television

For those of us who learned early how to closely guard things that might be frowned upon by our families or even others, we need help to see how much power our secrets hold over us. Heres that help. Dr. Jills insights into the unhealthiness of secrets challenge us to look at what we never had the courage to admitshe offers us hope.

JAN STOOP, PHD
Coauthor, Better Than Ever: Seven Secrets of Great Marriages

2008 Jill Hubbard

Foreword and Afterword 2008 Stephen Arterburn

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The Secrets Women Keep provides information of a general nature and is not to be used as an alternative method for conditions requiring the services of a personal physician or other health-care professional.

Information contained in this book or in any other publication, article, or Web site should not be considered a substitute for consultation with a board-certified doctor to address individual medical needs. Individual facts and circumstances will determine the treatment that is most appropriate. The Secrets Women Keep publisher and its author, Jill Hubbard, PhD, disclaim any liability, loss, or damage that may result in the implementation of the contents of this book.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Published in association with the literary agency of WordServe Literary Group, Ltd., 10152 S. Knoll Circle, Highlands Ranch, Colorado 80130.

Thomas Nelson, Inc. titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotation marked msg is from The Message by Eugene H. Peterson. 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hubbard, Jill.
The secrets women keep : what women hide and the truth that brings them freedom / Jill Hubbard, with Rachelle Gardner.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7852-2816-5 (trade paper)
1. WomenReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. WomenPsychology. 3. Christian women Religious life. 4. FemininityReligious aspectsChristianity. 5. Femininity. I. Gardner,Rachelle. II. Title.
BT704.H79 2008
248.8'43 dc22

2008022922

Printed in the United States of America
08 09 10 11 12 RRD 6 5 4 3 2 1

To Nancy Anne Smith, PsyD,
for dedicating her life to helping others with their secrets
and
to the women who have shared
their secrets with me.

CONTENTS

Stephen Arterburn

Stephen Arterburn

When I was working on The Secrets Men Keep, I had a big wake-up call. I realized that even though Ive spent most of my working life being as transparent and open as possible, I still had secrets. There were still battles to be won, still faults Im trying to overcome. Some things, I still keep to myself.

I was humbled by this revelation and became even more committed to sharing with others how importantand freeingit is to strive for a secret-free life. Most of all, I wanted to let people know that secrets are universal, and if youre keeping them, youre not alone.

Men and women share the tendency to keep things secret, but the nature of their secrets differ in many ways. Thats why Dr. Jill has written this book for women. Ive known her for twenty years, and I can honestly say she is the wisest female psychologist Ive ever known. Dr. Jill is brilliant in her insight, kindness, and ability to see past the symptoms toward solutions, and she shows that in this book. Her Christlike, compassionate nature comes through in everything she does, and I know youll experience that here.

Ive listened and talked to women calling in to our radio program, New Life Live!, for more than a decade, and Ive come to the conclusion that we all suffer when we keep truths about ourselves hiddenfrom our significant others, from the world, and most notably, from our-selves. Everyday callers experience a new freedom and hopefulness, simply through the act of sharing their secret with us on New Life Live!, often speaking it aloud for the very first time. It may have been the scariest thing theyve ever done, but they quickly realize it was a necessary step toward a more authentic and successful life.

In fact, many of the calls we receive can be boiled down to some kind of secret, something we dont want to face or admit. Just recently we spoke to a woman whose husband was using pornographyshe didnt know how to deal with it, mostly because she was concerned about keeping anyone from finding out. We spoke to another woman who has been ignoring and hiding her husbands and daughters alcohol abuse. Another did not know how to deal with her husbands adultery. In all of these cases, the first step toward solutions and healing is to stop trying so hard to keep the problem hidden. Let it out into the light so that God and others can help.

Have you ever felt that you are living a life that is not quite authentic? That people dont know who you really are? When you live with secrets, youre not able to be fully known by others. But a life without secrets is a life of freedom, where you can be your real self, where you are the same on the outside as you are on the inside. Dr. Jill has written a book that shows you how to get to that place and find an emotionally healthy way to live.

By talking about your secretsto yourself, to God, and to othersyou will find healing. Take comfort in one thing above all: you are not alone. Everyone struggles with keeping things hidden. But God knows your secrets already, and He is waiting for you to open up to Him. There are others who will be open to hearing your truth, too, whether spouses, siblings, friends, pastors, or counselors.

Take this journey with Dr. Jill, and find a new level of joy and peace by being honest, authentic, and free of the burden of secrets.

STEPHEN ARTERBURN

This book contains dozens of accounts of real women and their secrets. To each of them I am grateful. Their willingness to take a risk to reveal their hearts, their stories, and their painand to trust me with themis something I do not take lightly. So a heartfelt