Giles Paley-Phillips - Blank: Why its fine to falter and fail, and how to pick yourself up again

So, moving forward, what can you do to help you to avoid blank moments, to reflect on the good things and positive things you have in your life, and to soothe you when things do inevitably just go wrong?

When we had comedian Marcus Brigstocke on as a guest, he spoke about his time recovering from addiction and told us about an exercise that he has taken from that time in his life. Every morning, he writes a gratitude list.

A gratitude list is a written list of things for which a person is grateful and its used to help identify and focus on the positive things in ones life. Marcus shares his daily gratitude list with friends and family. It has been an important part of his recovery, but for him, its also a chance to see all the things in his life that mean the most to him written down.

We thought this was such a powerful thing and something to do ourselves, so here are a few ideas to get you started with your own gratitude list:

Make it personal to you. You dont necessarily need a fancy journal or a special pen, it could just be on your phone, but make sure its something that you personally connect with.

There arent any rules for making a gratitude list its yours so dont set yourself any particular goals if you dont want to. The key is not to get stressed about it, and to give yourself the time and space to do it.

Keep it short and simple. You dont need to write an essay.

Make it part of your daily routine, and set an alarm if you think you might forget. Doing it regularly will eventually lead to it becoming a habit.

Try doing it in the morning to set you up for the day.

Some days will be easier than others dont beat yourself up if you cant think of anything to write down.

A gratitude list really is a simple and effective way to give yourself a little bit of perspective, practise some self-care and feel some happiness each day, so please do give it a go yourself. It can be a truly beautiful thing.

In hosting the podcast and writing this book, its struck us how much meaningful advice our guests have given us sometimes without even realising it and how interpreting this advice and putting it into practice has become known to us as blankfulness.

This simple but sage list is specifically designed to help soothe anyone who might be having their own difficult moment. It includes ideas and steps you can adopt at any time to help you regroup and reset.

1. Practise self-compassion.
2. Lean in when gently turning towards pain, people report that they experience less of it, and their resistance usually decreases.
3. Create a positive mantra for yourself and use it regularly.
4. Visualise your happy place.
5. Create a gratitude group on WhatsApp and share your thoughts.
6. Meditate.
7. Reach out to friends and family you havent seen in a while.
8. Take a vacation from social media.
9. Break whatever is making you have a blank moment into smaller, more manageable chunks.
10. Say whatever is blanking you out loud, even if no one is there especially if no one is there.
11. Journal! Write down whatever is worrying you or holding you back, even if you never read it again.
12. Breathe!
13. Do some Lego or a jigsaw puzzle immerse yourself in it and turn your brain off from everything else.
14. Write a feasible to-do list at the start of the day.
15. Remind yourself that nothing is ever wasted.

If you are suffering from your own blank moments and would like some advice, help or reassurance on any of the themes in this book, please take a look at these resources.

Everyone Fails. Heres How to Pick Yourself Back Up by Rachel Simmons. New York Times.

www.nytimes.com/guides/working-womans-handbook/how-toovercome-failure

TED playlist: The Benefits of Failure.

www.ted.com/playlists/the_benefits_of_failure

Feel like a fraud? by Kirsten Weir. American Psychological Association.

www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/fraud

Dealing With Impostor Syndrome When Youre Treated as an Impostor by Kristen Wong. New York Times.

www.nytimes.com/2018/06/12/smarter-living/dealing-with-impostor-syndrome-when-youre-treated-as-an-impostor.html

TED playlist: Fighting Impostor Syndrome.

www.ted.com/playlists/503/fighting_impostor_syndrome

Lisa and Richard Orbe-Austin

Lisa and Richard have given talks together about imposter syndrome and share information and resources on their Instagram pages: @drorbeaustin and @drrichorbeaustin

Grief after bereavement or loss, NHS website.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/coping-with-bereavement

Coping with grief, Cruse Bereavement Care charity website.

www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/coping-grief

Grief and loss support, Health Navigator New Zealand website.

www.healthnavigator.org.nz/support/g/grief-loss

How to be more mindful, Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand website (includes a section on mindful ways to use social media).

www.mentalhealth.org.nz/home/our-work/page/21/2/how-to-be-more-mindful

National Sleep Foundation: Sleep Diary (a PDF to help you keep track of your sleep hygiene).

www.sleepfoundation.org/sites/default/files/inline-files/SleepDiaryv6.pdf

Canadian Sleep Society Podcasts

css-scs.ca/resources/podcasts

Sleep Deprivation, The Sleep Council.

sleepcouncil.org.uk/advice-support/sleep-hub/sleep-matters/ sleep-deprivation

Social anxiety, NHS website.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety

Self-help Strategies for Social Anxiety, Anxiety Canada.

www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmsocial.pdf

Social Anxiety, Centre for Clinical Interventions, Australia.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/ Social-Anxiety

Being a Parent When You Have Anxiety, by Vanna Winters. National Alliance on Mental Illness.

www.nami.org/Blogs/NAMI-Blog/February-2019/Being-a-Parent-When-You-Have-Anxiety

Twins Trust (listening service for parents of twins, triplets and more).

twinstrust.org/let-us-help/support/twinline.html

Maternal Mental Health Alliance

maternalmentalhealthalliance.org

Channel Mum

https://www.channelmum.com/

Parent Club (support for Scottish parents).

www.parentclub.scot

Dads Matter UK

www.dadsmatteruk.org

Best Beginnings Baby Buddy app (endorsed by NHS).

www.bestbeginnings.org.uk/baby-buddy

NCT (New parents support).

nct.org.uk; Instagram: @nctcharity

Depression information and support, Mental Health America.

screening.mhanational.org/depression

Depression: personal blogs and stories, Time to Change.

www.time-to-change.org.uk/category/blog/depression

Creatives Against Depression

www.creativesagainstdepression.com/blog

Coping with redundancy during the pandemic, Mind.

www.mind.org.uk/workplace/coronavirus-and-work/coping-with-redundancy