Richard Eyre - Being a Proactive Grandfather: How to Make A Difference

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

2017941438

Print ISBN 9781945547270

Ebook ISBN 9781945547621

Printed in the United States of America

Edited by Lindsay Sandberg

Cover design by David Miles

Book design by Brooke Jorden

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

I would like to dedicate this book to a whole generation of menthe generation we call Baby Boomers (forty million of us in the United States) who are all, now, as this book is published, in our fifties or sixties or very early seventies. We are the biggest generation ever and the first in history to have an extra decade or two to play around with, or to continue working with, or to devote to our families and our relationships. May we all choose well!

I also want to dedicate this book to Linda, my wife and partner of forty-seven years, a.k.a. Grammie, who is so excellent in that role (and so joyful in it) that she shamed/loved me into trying harder and doing better in my counterpoint role.

Men of a Certain Age

Therere a lot of us,

Guys between fifty-five and seventy-five,

Wondering

What to do next.

Still plenty of energy and more capacity

Than ever before,

At the peak of our powers.

So what?

Keep working until we die, extend the routine?

Retire, find a house on a golf course, pull back, dry up?

Travel, leave everyone and everything behind?

Start a new career, start over, and take risk?

What if we want a little of all these,

But we want something more?

For most of us, there is another option,

For our effort and energy, our focus and force,

Hidden in plain sight, right under our noses:

Grandkids!

Little extensions of ourselves, legacies,

Growing up in a world that is harder

And more complex

Than ours was, or our kids was.

They need us,

And we need themthere can be symbiosis.

We know there is delight there, and opportunity,

But we dont know how, or when, or even what;

Were not confident as Grandfathers and

Our role is not clear.

Thats the reason for this book.

Y ou may have noticed that the first BIG word in this books title is BEING.

That is because this is less a book about doing than about becoming .

Being an exceptional grandfather is not about changing your grandkids.

It is about changing yourself.

It is about being the kind of grandfather your grandkids need.

The second BIG word in the title is GRAND.

What does the grand mean in grandfather?

Well, technically, from the etymology dictionary, Grand means one generation removed in ascent.

I didnt love that definition, so I looked up grand in the regular dictionary and found something much better:

Magnificent or splendid.

And the second definition wasnt bad either:

Noble or revered.

It is well to remember, of course, that

Your grandkids are not my grandkids;

My family situation is not your family situation,

Your financial and personal circumstances

Are not my circumstances;

My life is not your life, and yours is not mine.

Each of us is unique.

So it is not likely (or prudent) that you will copy

Or replicate

My suggestions

Or try to clone what I am trying to become

As a grandfather.

Thats not the point.

The point (and the goal) is that

We all think about this stage of life,

That we share ideas and perspectives,

And that each of us comes up with

Our personal and unique

Strategy for BEING GRANDfathers.

Once again, keep in mind that this is not a book about grandkids or what you want to make of them or turn them into; it is a book about grandfatheringabout what you want to beabout the kind of granddad you want to become.

Since you dont have to be a disciplinarian or a friend-monitor or a taxi driver or an agenda-maker and scheduler or an allowance-giver or a feeder and clothier like you were as a dad, you can now choose other roles to play as a granddadfun roles, joyous roles, difference-making roles, roles that can help your grandkids make good decisions, find their gifts, fulfill their potential, and transform their confidence and identity.

There are ten things I want to do for my grandchildrenten gifts I want to give them; ten blessings that I am perfectly positioned and uniquely qualified to deliver; ten things I want to be for them; ten roles I want to play in their lives; ten things I believe I can become for them if I work hard enough at each of them...

And those ten things are the ten chapters of this book.

Question:

Can Grandfathers Save the World?

B asically, I believe that granddads can save the worldand have a lot of fun doing it. (Grandmas, too, but thats another book because the two roles are different and distinct.)

When we ask, Who is going to teach this generation of children the values, the character, the family narrative, even the street smarts that they will need? most would say that the ideal answer is the parents. But in todays world, where most parents work full time, and where lifes options and challenges seem to be increasing exponentially, who is to say that parents will find the time or the means?

So who else can possibly do it? Grandfathers!

Who will give kids the confidence, the identity, and maybe even the resources they need to become all they can be? Same ideal answer, but the same problem. So the same saving answer: grandparents!

There can be an incredible connection, even a symbiosis, between generations one and three. It is a connection that can preserve traditions, that can build character, and that can bring joy to both sides.

And its not a new connection, not by any means. Most of the world works like thisgrandparents doing much of the teaching, nurturing, identity building, and supporting, while the parents are earning the living. Three-generation households are the norm and not the exception everywhere but in the richest countries. And the kids and the grandparents are the happier for it.

We dont need to live in the same house with them, but we grandpas can save the world by how proactively we GRANDfather our grandchildren. The purpose of this book is to help a little with the hows.

Lets think this through together.

Personal Preface

Four Man-to-Man Grandfathering Options

T his is a man-to-man book. As a Baby Boomer man with kids and grandkids, Im writing to other Baby Boomer men with kids and grandkids. I write as a man with a lot of interests, passions, and priorities, and I write to other men who also have a lot of interests, passions, and priorities. We have our careers; we have our sports and our friends and our hobbies and our travel and our music and our other personal interests; we have our finances and our investments; we have our causes, our bucket lists, our cars, our boats, and our toys; we have our politics and our clubs and our churches and our other responsibilities. We have our siblings and our extended families, and some of us still have our own aging parents. And we have our children, who, even as adults, are still our children.