Göth Amon - My grandfather would have shot me: a Black woman discovers her familys Nazi past
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About the Authors
JENNIFER TEEGE has worked in advertising since 1999. Teege studied Middle Eastern and African studies in Israel, where she also learned fluent Hebrew. Teege lives in Germany with her husband and two sons. This is her first book.
For more information about Jennifer Teege, please visit .
NIKOLA SELLMAIR graduated from Ludwig-Maximilians-University Munich and has worked in Hong Kong, Washington, D.C., Israel, and Palestine. She has been a reporter in Hamburg at Germanys Stern magazine since 2000. Her work has received many awards, including the German-Polish Journalist Award, for the first-ever article about Jennifer Teeges singular story.
About the Translator
Born in Germany, CAROLIN SOMMER studied applied languages at universities in Germany, France, and the UK before settling in the UK in 1997. After working in bilingual roles for multinational companies for several years, she took a career break to look after her three sons. Translations have been her career focus since 2011.
My Grandfather Would Have Shot Me: A Black Woman Discovers Her Familys Nazi Past
Originally published under the title Amon: Mein Grossvater htte mich erschossen
First published in North America by The Experiment, LLC, in 2015
Copyright 2013, 2015 by Rowohlt Verlag GmbH, Reinbek bei Hamburg
Copyright 2013, 2015 by Jennifer Teege and Nikola Sellmair
Translation copyright 2015 by Carolin Sommer
New material copyright 2016 by The Experiment
The translation of this work was supported by a grant from the Goethe-Institut which is funded by the German Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
All photographs are courtesy of the author or in the public domain, except for the following, which are used with permission:
ullstein bild, Berlin: (imagebroker.net/Petr Svarc)
Nikola Sellmair/stern/Picture Press, Hamburg:
Sueddeutsche Zeitung Photo, Munich: (Teutopress)
Yad Vashem Photo Archive, Jerusalem: (Emil Dobel)
Diane Vincent, Berlin:
All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no portion of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Some of the names of people, and identifying details, have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.
Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book and The Experiment was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been capitalized.
The Experiment, LLC
220 East 23rd Street, Suite 301
New York, NY 10010-4674
www.theexperimentpublishing.com
The Experiments books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. For details, contact .
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Teege, Jennifer, 1970
[Amon. English]
My grandfather would have shot me : a Black woman discovers her familys Nazi past / Jennifer Teege, Nikola Sellmair.
pages cm
Originally published under the title Amon : mein Grossvater htte mich erschossen--Title page verso.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-1-61519-253-3 (cloth) ISBN 978-1-61519-254-0 (ebook)
1. Teege, Jennifer, 1970- 2. Teege, Jennifer, 1970---Family. 3. Grandchildren of war criminalsGermanyBiography. 4. Racially mixed peopleGermanyBiography. 5. Gth, Amon, 1908-1946--Family. 6. NazisFamily relationships. 7. Concentration camp commandantsFamily relationships. 8. Plaszw (Concentration camp) 9. Teege, Jennifer, 1970TravelPoland. 10. Teege, Jennifer, 1970Homes and hauntsIsrael. I. Sellmair, Nikola, 1971- II. Title.
CT1098.T33A3 2015
929.20943dc23
2014046242
ISBN 978-1-61519-308-0
Ebook ISBN 978-1-61519-254-0
Cover design by Sarah Smith
Author photograph Marcelo Hernandez
Cover photograph of Krakw-Paszw concentration camp Photo Archive, Yad Vashem, Jerusalem
Text design by Pauline Neuwirth, Neuwirth & Associates, Inc.
Manufactured in the United States of America
Distributed by Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
Distributed simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Ltd.
First paperback printing April 2016
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
For Y.
Prologue
The Discovery
IT IS THE LOOK on the womans face that seems familiar. Im standing in the central library in Hamburg, and in my hands Im holding a red book that Ive just picked up from the shelf. The spine reads: I Have to Love My Father, Dont I? On the front cover is a small black-and-white photograph of a middle-aged woman. She looks deep in thought, and there is something strained and joyless about her. The corners of her mouth are turned down; she looks unhappy.
I glance quickly at the subtitle: The Life Story of Monika Goeth, Daughter of the Concentration Camp Commandant from Schindlers List. Monika Goeth! I know that name; its my mothers name. My mother, who put me in an orphanage when I was little and whom I havent seen in many years.
I was also called Goeth once. I was born with that name, wrote Jennifer Goeth on my first schoolbooks. It was my name until after I was adopted, when I took on the surname of my adoptive parents. I was seven years old.
Why is my mothers name on this book? I am staring at the cover. In the background, behind the black-and-white photo of the woman, is a shadowy picture of a man with his mouth open and a rifle in his hands. That must be the concentration camp commandant.
I open the book and start leafing through its pages, slowly at first, then faster and faster. It contains not only text but lots of photos, too. The people in the pictureshavent I seen them somewhere before? One is a tall, young woman with dark hair; she reminds me of my mother. Another is an older woman in a flowery summer dress, sitting in the English Garden in Munich. I dont have many pictures of my grandmother, but I know each of them very well. In one of them she is wearing the exact same dress as this woman. The caption under the photo says Ruth Irene Goeth. That was my grandmothers name.
Is this my family? Are these pictures of my mother and my grandmother? Surely not, that would be absurd: It cant be that there is a book about my family and I know nothing about it!
I quickly skim through the rest of the book. Right at the back, on the last page, I find a biography, and it begins like this: Monika Goeth, born in Bad Toelz in 1945. I know these dates; they are on my adoption papers. And here they are, in black and white. It really is my mother. This book is about my family.
I snap the book shut. It is quiet. Somewhere in the reading room someone is coughing. I need to get out of here, quickly; I need to be alone with this book. Clutching it close to me like a precious treasure, I just barely manage to walk down the stairs and through the checkout. I dont take in the librarians face as she hands the book back to me. I walk out onto the expansive square in front of the library. My knees buckle. I lie down on a bench and close my eyes. Traffic rushes past me.
My car is parked nearby, but I cant drive now. A couple of times I sit up and consider reading on, but I am dreading it. I want to read the book at home, in peace and quiet, cover to cover.
It is a warm, sunny August day, but my hands are as cold as ice. I call my husband. You have to come and get me; I have found a book. About my mother and my family.
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