H. Norman Wright - Helping Your Hurting Teen

The printed version of this eBook is the Helping Your Hurting Teen book, ISBN-13: 9781628620542

Author: H. Norman Wright

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2014 H. Norman Wright
Aspire Press, an imprint of Rose Publishing, LLC
PO Box 3473
Peabody, Massachusetts 01961-3473 U.S.A.
Email: info@hendricksonrose.com
www.hendricksonrose.com
All rights reserved.

H. NORMAN WRIGHT

• Covers key teen issues that every parent needs to know. Find out how to help an adolescent struggling with anger, teen depression, grief, or loss with expert advice from Dr. Norm Wright.
• Features practical ways to help adolescents struggling with depression and anger. Includes 3 key ways to help your child let go of their anger and 11 ways to respond to teen depression.
• Explains how parents can help teenagers process loss, anger, and grief with conversation starters, models and diagrams. Includes how to overcome communication hurdles and 54 questions you can use to get your teenager talking to you again.

Helping Your Hurting Teen
Copyright 2014 H. Norman Wright
All rights reserved.
Aspire Press, an imprint of Rose Publishing, LLC
PO Box 3473
Peabody, Massachusetts 01961-3473 U.S.A.
Email: info@hendricksonrose.com
www.hendricksonrose.com
All rights reserved.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, posted on the Internet, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily express the views of Aspire Press, nor is this book intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment or professional counseling.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked AMP taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked NASB taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973,1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked KJV taken from the King James Version.

A dolescence is a life phase characterized by turbulence and filled with an abundance of changes. This time between childhood and adulthood is filled with physical, mental, and emotional changes that can leave both you and your teen spinning. When adolescence hits, there are changes that will leave you scratching your head in bewilderment:

• The child who loved to talk to you is now a stranger who responds to you as if youre from outer space.
• Communication changes from talking and joking to sullen or ashen silence.
• Your teens room becomes his or her cave. Your teen wants privacy, sleep, and escape from adults.
• Gadgets are your teens lifesmartphones, tablets, and anything associated with his or her computer.
• Mood swings and an overreliance on his or her peers are to be expected, and your teens dress code will baffle you.
• Your teen wont want to be seen with you. Parents are an embarrassment to the teen. The teen thinks the ways his or her parents talk, act, and dress have changed for the worse.
• Most importantly, when your child becomes a teen, his or her intelligence increases. Just ask! Your teen seems to know almost everything there is to know. And your teens friends intelligence increases, too, which makes your job much harder.

One author describes the process that takes place during adolescence this way:

Although there is no specific evidence to back this theory, it seems as if the energy that is required for the child to develop physically during adolescence seems to be drained directly from the parents brain. The end result is that we lose IQ points and become less intelligent than when the child was nine or ten years old. Because of this loss in intelligence, our logic and reasoning become faulty. We approach life and the world from a very limited capacity, and our ability to adequately provide information and direction is significantly reduced. In other words, we get dumber and do not know what we are talking about.

At least thats the way the teen sees parents! Mark Twain put it this way: When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

In the book The Eight Seasons of Parenthood , the season of adolescence is called the volcano years. Its unpredictable. Its never dull. As a parent youre personally challenged by the change on all levelsphysically, spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally.

Adolescence is a roller-coaster experiencea time of stress and storm. Some teens have an easier time through these rocky years, but for many, adolescence is a time of continual crisis with a few respites in between. This is the time when self-doubt and feelings of inferiority are intensified and when social pressures are at their peak. Mood swings, discovering porn, trying alcohol, hanging out with bad friends, trouble with the law, lying, being disrespectful, ditching school, sneaking out at nightthese are only a few symptoms telling you there are deeper things going on with your teen. Its important to realize that the teen years are filled with loss, sometimes on a daily basis. And it may seem like a low-grade fever of grief accompanies each adolescent through life.

Many of the volcanic responses of teens stem from loss, which must be seen from their perspective, not the parents. Rejection by another, losing an athletic event, having to wear braces at sixteen, and the like are definite losses to an adolescent. In turn, grief is a part of loss, although the type of grief will differ with the type of loss.

When adolescents lose a parent in death, they often deny it in order to protect themselves from this threatening experience and the ensuing feelings. If adolescents lose a friend in death, there is a strong anxiety. Teens are aware that adults die, but the death of a peer is shocking. Its unnerving. They have to face their own mortality at an age when theyre not prepared to do so.

Another loss that many adolescents face is the divorce of their parents. When this occurs, theres a loss of security and confidence in the future. The divorce hampers the normal development of the adolescent for a period of time. Teens feel abandoned, and their need for strength from the family is disrupted.

A chronic, debilitating illness in a teens family or circle of friends creates fear about the teens own vulnerability. Even a friends moving away brings a sense of loss. The pain suffered is as severe as rejection.