Amy Baker - Miss-adventures: A Tale of Ignoring Life Advice While Backpacking Around South America

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MISS-ADVENTURES

Copyright Amy Baker, 2017

Cover illustrations VectorShow, Pedro Vilas Boas, Jellicle, panki, RedKoala, Dolka / Shutterstock

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced by any means, nor transmitted, nor translated into a machine language, without the written permission of the publishers.

Amy Baker has asserted her right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Condition of Sale

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Summersdale Publishers Ltd
46 West Street
Chichester
West Sussex
PO19 1RP
UK

www.summersdale.com

eISBN: 978-1-78685-124-6

Substantial discounts on bulk quantities of Summersdale books are available to corporations, professional associations and other organisations. For details contact general enquiries: telephone: +44 (0) 1243 771107, fax: +44 (0) 1243 786300 or email: .

CONTENTS

LIFE IS A SUCCESSION OF
LESSONS WHICH MUST BE
LIVED TO BE UNDERSTOOD.

Helen Keller

'To Mum, Dad, and the Beauts'

SOME UNWANTED ADVICE

'So Amy, I hear you're off travelling again?' my mum's friend Sally asked, pulling up a bar stool to join my table, her forehead creased with worry. 'Hello Sally,' I said. 'Yep you heard right. I'm off to South America on Thursday. I can't wait!'

I was back in Sussex getting in some quality time with my parents before I jetted off. They were currently at the bar of their trusty local pub getting in another bottle of red. Up until Sally made her approach, I'd been sitting in front of the open fire, feet up, pleasantly engrossed in googling where to meet Argentina's most eligible bachelors.

'And do you suppose you'll meet many people of your own age over there?'

'I expect so. Thirty isn't old. Loads of people travel in their thirties.'

As a lifelong friend of my parents who's watched me grow up, it was no surprise to me that Sally was eager to chat through my plans. 'Do they really? I would have thought a job and a family would be taking priority.'

Not this again. I channelled a frustrated sigh through flared nostrils.

'Maybe for some.'

Sally took a sip of her wine, and looked me in the eye. After a moment, she started nodding slowly. 'I see. I see. Just getting it out of your system, is that it? Before you can settle down?'

I don't know whether it was the heat from the open fire, or the fact that this was around the fifteenth time I'd been asked this question, but I could feel my face getting redder. I bit my lip.

'Hmm not really, I'm not entirely sure I'll ever manage that, Sally.' I finished off the remains of my glass in one big gulp.

'But being forced to go alone'

Here we go

'I'm not being forced to do anything Sally, I want to go alone! It's half the point.'

'Huh! Is that so?' Sally looked genuinely perplexed.

'Yeah I get to completely please myself. It's going to be great. Plus, I'm good at making friends, and a couple of my mates from home will be there when I first arrive, so please don't worry, I'm not worried in the slightest.'

'Well, even so, please remember, Amy, there are a lot of dangerous people in this world. Be careful, won't you.' She reached forwards to squeeze my hand.

'Of course I will.'

Sally smiled sadly, picked up her glass of red wine, and stood up to leave. 'Oh, and just one last thing, dear, do try not to get raped.'

Sally's bombshell wasn't the first piece of blatantly obvious, completely unnecessary advice I received in the run-up to my departure. From the minute I handed in my notice and started to tell people about my plans to travel solo round South America for as long as my money lasted, the 'guidance' came in thick and fast, from all angles:

'Did you get my email? No? Well, I sent you one of those YouTube videos of a daylight shooting in So Paulo I don't want to scare you, darling, I just want you to be prepared for all eventualities.'

Concerned relative

'Amy, could you please put together some thoughts on that article and circulate for me. Oh and while I've got you, did you hear that women get kidnapped in Colombia almost every month? Rumour has it they cut their tits off! By Monday, please!'

Alarmed colleague

'You mustn't let your guard down for even a moment. I've heard that the most dangerous people target women's toilets over there. I can't say I'm surprised. It's when you're at your most vulnerable, isn't it?'

Overly familiar barista

Almost everyone I knew, and everyone I met, seemed to believe I was unlikely to return. In their eyes, I was embarking on a voyage to certain death on a continent populated solely by machine-gunwielding, coked-up drug barons, sex traffickers, hungry deadly animals and plain-clothed cannibals. Everyone, it seemed, bar me, was terrified.

Some of the advice I noted down, for amusement in moments of boredom. The rest I dismissed with little more than a smirk and an 'Okay Mary, sure, I promise I'll always go for the testes.' I'd travelled before. I knew the deal. I didn't need a guidebook or advice on how to survive. I had this.

My aim was simple enjoy some time out, go with the flow, visit cool places, meet great people, and hopefully figure some 'stuff' out somewhere between Argentina and Colombia. I didn't see much point in pondering what that 'stuff' might be at this stage; I just knew to expect it.

To my surprise, I found myself mulling over the madcap advice I'd been bombarded with as I was preparing to down tools and shimmy my way to Heathrow Airport. Advice I had at first dismissed as pure nonsense, issued by those who'd never travelled further than Calais, began popping back into my head perhaps I'd been foolish to smile and nod blankly instead of listening? Maybe I should be questioning my own judgement if these people were so convinced I needed their advice? Would I gain more from my time away (and avoid mistakes) if I listened rather than shrugging off their suggestions and hoping for the best? And if it would pay to listen to Penny down the chemist and Mikey in the post room, might it also be wise to seek life advice from those who've actually achieved significant success? You know, legendary writers, respected feminists, people who refused to die despite climbing all the world's mountains, and other such overachievers?

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