Patricia Wittberger - When a Child Dies from Drugs: Pratical Help for Parents in Bereavement.

When a Child
Dies From Drugs

Practical Help for Parents in
Bereavement

Patricia Wittberger
&
Russ Wittberger

Copyright 2004, 2006 by Pat Wittberger & Russ Wittberger.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 08/19/2016

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Contents

We dedicate this volume to all those who have left this
earthly life through the misuse of drugs or alcohol,
to the parents, brothers, sisters and others who
remain here to love them, miss them and
always have them in their hearts.

First we need to thank our daughter, Jennifer Caroline, for being a part of our lives yesterday, today and forever.

Second, Pat wishes to thank Russ most gratefully for his steadfast support both as a true partner in all that conveys and for giving up tempting thoughts of retirement to finance the creations of Jennys Journey and GRASP (Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing), plus all other efforts to reach out wherever needed. Truly a guardian angel.

To our five other children: Steven, Rob, Elizabeth, Gary and Scott, who have traveled much of our paths with us. We love you all.

Thanks, also, to the unknown authors of Please and In The Silence. We searched diligently for you because many have been touched by your words and we use them here to reach out once again.

Lastly, to all those persons who have encouraged, pushed, suggested and had faith in us, especially our mothers from GRASP, thank you for your sharing and friendship whether through personal contacts or otherwise.

Thanks to each and every one of you. May you always have an angel at your side.

After the initial shock of being told of, and accepting, our daughters death from heroin, we sought to contact an understanding grieving group to advise and aid us through these numbing disoriented times.

We began with the telephone directory and phoned a couple of groups. Their replies were discouraging. From funeral directors and clergy came platitudes that slid over the surface of our particular needs.

Were we, then, the only parents in San Diego city or county, to ever lose a child this way? How about California or the entire country?

We searched library and bookstore shelves for a book that would point us on the way to understanding what was happening to us in the tumultuous aftermath of our childs death due to drug misuse.

There were many volumes addressing bereavement. No doubt they were excellent but none dealt specifically with substances and our torments.

Death at any time is traumatic, to say the least. A childs death, regardless of age, is even more so.

The majority of deaths we can understand, although it doesnt make the heartache any less for families, especially parents. Miscarriage, stillbirth and crib deaths are tragically accepted as occurring from natural causes through no ones actions or faults.

Illness is treated by medication, physician and hospital guidance, and when death results there is the acceptance of having rendered all possible aid.

The absolute sudden finality of life due to accidents or murder is extremely difficult for a family to assimilate.

All the above need, demand and receive immediate sympathy and caring, as they should .

But what of the children, from teenage through adulthood, who leave this earth because of addictions to drugs, alcohol and other substances?

This is a death whispered about. Was it suicide? Accidental? What sort of person is this? What sort of parents allow this?

Chances are that these parents have sought advice and fought battles with and for their childrens lives for years before this tragic demise. They have also done everything in their power to help the child.

How are they greeted? No one rushes to tell them that their broken hearts will mend or how to react to the tumble of emotions being experienced, including severe guilt. They hurt when people step away at the news. Is this OK? Some say sorry and quickly absent themselves.

This death is shocking.

This death is a disgrace.

Do not speak of it.

We had nothing about which to be secretive. We announced the truth about our daughters death to friends and acquaintances and urged her siblings to do likewise. To do otherwise would have been unthinkable.

You feel as though you are the only family in the universe to have had such a death occur. Yet, logic tells you this is ridiculous. Why wont someone tell me that I am feeling as I am supposed to feel? Please someone, step forward to help sort out my emotions at this time.

Yes, we decided to write this book after hearing from other parents of their search for literature, anything to address their needs in this circumstance. We sincerely hope that When a Child Dies From Drugs will help to answer questions, aid in taking steps forward and, most of all, be comforted in the knowledge of not being alone on the planet. So often friends would like to offer aid but are hesitant, not quite knowing what to say. Answers to this, also, are here.

As mentioned in the first paragraph, our child, our daughter Jennifers death resulted from a heroin overdose. Jennifer was three months short of her twenty-first birthday. She had tried to overcome her addictions for the previous five years. Addiction was not her career choice. On the evening of her death she was preparing, in the next days, to enter a treatment facility, determined to have a new life. Heroin. One last injection. We lost one more lovely, gifted, highly intelligent young soul who forever leaves a void in her parents hearts.

Even one childs passing due to substances is too many, but as long as theyre happening, we, the parents who have to survive, finding a way through the mazes of agonizingly missing them, must reach out in sharing and caring for one another.

When grief first strikes, everything is perceived as though you are in a darkened room. Everything outside and beyond your present challenges and emotions does not exist.

Then you realize that if you raise up the shades and let in even a sliver of light, you become more aware of your immediate surroundings and the room itself.

Slowly lifting up the shades, a few inches at a time, you see that the light begins to illuminate the entire room.

Then, when you fully open the shade and let the sun stream through, you become aware of all there is outside. Everything that was there before you entered the darkness is still there, waiting for you.

So it is with grief. In our devastation, we can only be aware of the immediate needs, the demanding pressures and pain of the present.

Eventually

You will lift up the shades and step out of your darkness.

Why Dear Friend to begin some of the chapters? Because we think of all who telephone, email, write or meet with us to share their troubled but wonderful children, as our friends. We come to you through these pages as concerned, loving friends who we would comfort with an embrace if we could. As you approach the books conclusion we would want you to feel the same kinship.

May you always have an angel beside you.

Pat and Russ Wittberger

Dear Friend:

There is no doubt about it. You have received the worst possible news that a parent can learn. Your child has left this earthhas died from the misuse of drugs. No good-bye.