Claire Aagaard - When a Child Dies: A Hopeful Healing Guide for Surviving the Loss of a Child

There is no footprint too small to leave an imprint on the world.

UNKNOWN

In April of 1992, nearly seven years after the death of my son Eric, I answered an ad from a local hospice looking for volunteers to form a childrens bereavement team. The goal of this task force would be to provide education, primarily within the school system, on the effects of death and grief for children. Because my older son, Christian, had been five years old when his brother died, I knew I had a story to share and some insights that could be helpful. Although hampered by pervasive feelings of low self-esteemand frankly terrifiedat entering this arena, I felt strongly motivated to make every effort possible to give Erics life continued meaning and purpose.

Not long after joining as a volunteer, the executive director of the hospice offered me a job as the assistant volunteer coordinator. Working in the field of death and dying amongst compassionate and skilled mental health professionals was life altering for me. I was lovingly encouraged to tell my story, and with that came the recognition of how much unresolved grief I was carrying. The need to enter counseling in order to do this work was an obvious next step, and one I took. I could not have been given a greater gift at this achingly vulnerable time in my life.

My work in hospice evolved, and a few years laterafter more education, training, and incredible mentoringI found myself at a comprehensive hospice program as their bereavement coordinator. The program quickly grew and with it also came requests from the community to assist individuals dealing with the aftermath of a sudden death who were not part of the hospice program.

With my colleague Dianne Thompson, I took extensive critical incident training to address this need. These new skills gave us the opportunity to respond to local tragedies, including the 2003 earthquake in our community where two residents died and many more were traumatized by the tragic event. We were then prepared to travel to Louisiana and Mississippi to offer emotional support to those suffering in the wake of Hurricane Katrina in 2005.

In 2007, I became the director of the Center for Grief, Education, and Healing. It was at this time that I traveled several times to Fort Collins, Colorado, to study with Alan Wolfelt, PhD, to complete his Death and Life Studies Program in order to move forward in obtaining my certification as a grief counselor.

Together with Dianne Thompson, my cofounder of the Center, we offered professional grief counseling to hospice families and specialized in working with families who were coping with the trauma of an unexpected death.

During those twenty-plus years in the field, I was privileged to work with every type of loss imaginable, but I was frequently called upon to assist parents whose child had died. I dedicated every one of those cases to my sweet Eric and always felt it was a tangible way to honor his life.

After retiring from bereavement work in 2016, I knew in my heart I needed to eventually write a book about child loss.

My hope was that it could be handed to a newly grieving parent and provide them with information, advice, and comfort from the perspective of another bereaved parent and a professional counselor with valuable years of experience. I learned so much from every grieving family who courageously walked through the doors and generously shared the heartache of losing their child. Their wisdom was something I wanted to share with others walking that same path.