Dr. Alan Wolfelt - Grief One Day at a Time: 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss

Companion Press is dedicated to the education and support of both the bereaved and bereavement caregivers. We believe that those who companion the bereaved by walking with them as they journey in grief have a wondrous opportunity: to help others embrace and grow through griefand to lead fuller, more deeply-lived lives themselves because of this important ministry.

For a complete catalog and ordering information, write, call, or visit:

Companion Press | The Center for Loss and Life Transition

3735 Broken Bow Road | Fort Collins, CO 80526

(970) 226-6050 | www.centerforloss.com

ALSO BY DR. ALAN WOLFELT

The Depression of Grief: Coping With Your Sadness and Knowing When to Get Help

Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas

The Journey Through Grief: Reflections on Healing

The Mourners Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration

Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart

2016 by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Companion Press is an imprint of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, 3735 Broken Bow Road, Fort Collins, Colorado 80526.

24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 5 4 3 2 1

ISBN: 978-1-61722-238-2

With an eternity of gratitude I dedicate this book to my three precious children: Megan, Christopher, and Jaimie. They are among my most important teachers in this life. Bless you for what you have given me in this life and may I someday live up to what you deserve in a father and mentor.

Grief is what we think and feel inside after someone we love dies, and it is an every-day experience.

That is, when we are grieving a significant loss, we feel our grief every single day. We wake up each morning knowing that today we will experience hurt and an ever-changing mixture of painful thoughts and feelings.

Griefs very relentlessness is often frustrating, challenging, and exhausting.

Our hope lies in small, daily doses of mourning.

Mourning is when we express our grief outside ourselves. While grief is internal, mourning is external. Talking about our thoughts and feelings, crying, journaling, participating in a support groupthese and other expressive activities help us begin to integrate our grief.

Yes, our grief is a daily challenge. But if we actively mourn, each day in grief can also bring a small measure of healing. Encountering and engaging with our thoughts and feelings softens them. Mourning one day at a time brings healing one day at a time.

I encourage you to read the daily entries and accompanying meditations when you awaken each morning. Doing so may bolster your courage to grieve and mourn authentically throughout the day ahead.

Thank you for entrusting me to walk alongside you on this 365 day journey. Such companionship is essential in grief. I hope we meet in person one day.

At the rising of the sun and at its going down,

We remember them.

At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter,

We remember them.

At the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring,

We remember them.

At the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,

We remember them.

In the beginning of the year and when it ends,

We remember them.

So long as we live, they too shall live for they are now a part of us as

We remember them.

Excerpt, by Sylvan Kamens and Rabbi Jack Riemer

At this transition from the old year to the new, we think about those we love who have died. A year they will not enjoy. A year they will not be here for us. A yearat once so swift and so excruciatingly slow.

But in this new year, we will remember them, and we will love them. And those are the two most powerful forces in the universe.

This year, I will remember, and I will love.

And now we welcome the new year,
full of things that have never been.

Rainer Maria Rilke

We who grieve may not exactly feel like celebrating the new year, but we can sometimes feel a bit of relief that the last calendar yearwhich was roughis over.

The new year holds the promise of a clean slate. It offers opportunities for new beginnings. It whispers of hope.

Let us welcome hope whenever and wherever and whyever we feel it stir. And as we slog forward into this new year, let us try to remember that it will be full of things that have never been. It will lack special people, yes, but it will also bring surprises gifts, joys, love, and, if we continue to do our hard work of active mourning, a measure of healing.

I can both mourn and expect good things to happen in this new year.

On this bald hill the new year hones its edge.

Faceless and pale as china

The round sky goes on minding its business.

Your absence is inconspicuous;

Nobody can tell what I lack.

Sylvia Plath

Part of what makes grief so hard is that its invisible. Inside we are torn apart, but outside we look basically the same. Nobody can tell what we lacksometimes not even the people who are closest to us.

In times gone by, mourners wore black clothing or special jewelry to alert others to their grief. We too can wear a symbol of our loss, such as an armband, a photo button, or, as we do here at the Center for Loss, an Under Reconstruction pin. Or we can simply make it a point to be forthcoming with the people in our lives, letting them know what happened and sharing our current thoughts and feelings. We can appropriately communicate our lack.

When others ask me how I am doing, I will not say, fine unless I am truly fine. Instead, I will learn to share my inner reality so that I am living and communicating my truth.

Nothing makes a room feel emptier than wanting somebody in it.

Author Unknown

Oh, the pain of missing those who have died. The memories are there, the love is still there, but the physical presence isgone. Forever. Even though it has been 16 years since my father died, I still have moments when I remember that I will never again see him on this earth, and I gasp aloud at the hurt of the realization.