Pascuala Herrera - Not Always a Valley of Tears

Copyright 2021 by Pascuala Herrera

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-1-7363388-0-3

ISBN 978-1-7363388-1-0 (eBook)

This is a memoir. Some names have been changed; some events have been compressed; and some dialogue has been re-created.

To view personal photos and more, please visit Pascuala online at pascualaherrera.com.

Cover design: 100Covers

Interior design: FormattedBooks

Copy editor: Allison Felus

Printed in the United States of America

To m y parents,

Eulalio and Virgini a Herrera,

who sacrificed everything for o ur family;

my brothers, sisters, and their families;

and above all,

my lovi ng family,

Isidro, Ariel, and Ariana

CONTENTS

I have so many people to thank. Some have left this world to be in a better place, like my parents. My dad and mom have always been my heroes. They made so many sacrifices for each of their children, but especially for me. I am especially grateful to my mom who never gave up on me and who always kept the faith even when no one else had it. She was my rod to lean on, the one that I counted on for everything. My mom was gentle and loving, but tough and stern when she needed to be. She pushed me to be all that I could be even when it tore her apart. My dad lived for his family and did all he could to make sure we had the best of this life. I am here because of them. I owe them every success and every accomplishment. I still remember all the stories they shared and have used many of these stories to recount what happened in my early years since I didnt have many memories of my childhood. I have tried to retell the many stories as accurately as possible. Sometimes, the names I use are fictitious to protect a persons identity, but the events are real, viewed from my perspective a nd memory.

I also thank each member of my family, especially my brothers and sisters, for always accepting me and looking out for what was best for me. Thank you for helping me fill in the holes to the beginning o f my life.

In addition, I have always been blessed with having the best friends ever because they have supported, encouraged, and cared for me each step of the way. In each stage of my life, I have met the most wonderful people, many who became friends for life.

And of course, I am eternally thankful for my husband, Isidro, and two beautiful daughters, Ariel and Ariana, who completed me. Without them, I wouldnt be the successful, fulfilled woman that I am today.

I am also appreciative of everyone who supported the publishing of this book. I thank Maria Sotelo and Gerardo Alanis, two friends who encouraged me and became my support throughout this unfamiliar process. Of course, I could not have published without the professional support from my copy editor, Alli son Felus.

Above all, I am thankful to God. Because of his loving grace, all things were possible.

N ow that I am over half a century old and have accomplished so many things that seemed impossible, I am taking the time to relive many experiences, the good and the difficult. Most people will never understand how it is that my mind is full of energy, yet my body does not want to follow. In my mind, I am still that young, risk-taking girl who always realized she was different but never let it stop her from pushing forward. Now my body constantly reminds me that those days are over. Those who have known me all my life cannot accept this change and say that I am still too young to have such an attitude and that it must be some sort of depression. However, I am fully at peace with this change and just need to help those around me realize that this new me is not a worse me. This new me is not giving up, nor is she in some sort of depression. It is quite simple. This new me just want s to rest.

Im at the top of the mountain. I look across the horizon and take a deep breath as I savor the realization that I made it to the top. I made it! I am living what I dreamed of. I am living my utopia. So, as I look all around me, I look deep in my soul and question, Am I happy? The answer does not come out quickly and spontaneously as it should. I analyze all that I have, and all that Ive accomplished, and rationally tell myself that I am happy. But happiness does not come from the mind, it comes from the heart. And, happiness has no rational stance. For if it were rational, then it would be apparent that I am happy, for I have accomplished each goal that I have put forward. The heart is more complicated! Its not a formula that you can put together. Sometimes it wont add up. Like in my case! My heart is heavy, though it should be light with happiness.

As long as I can remember, this heaviness in my heart has been there. I never perceived this weight as bad, for it always served me well and made me get to the next step in my life. That which weighed down my heart lifted my soul. I so much wanted to make my heart lighter and happier that I immediately immersed myself in the next project, the next goal, the next deadline, the next success. It numbed me. Although the heaviness was there, it energized me to move forward and carry on. No one in my surroundings noticed the heaviness of my heart. All they saw were my accomplishments. They saw me as happysuperhuman evencertainly stronger than any obstacle in front of her. I fo oled them.

Now, though, I am letting the heaviness of my heart set in. It is a scary feeling, for never did I take the time to be in touch with those feelings. However, in my mind, and even in a tiny corner of my heart, I think that this will be yet my greatest accomplishment. I will be able to finally recognize what is in my heart, set all my burdens down, and perhaps empty some of that weight into the abyss for me never to f eel again.

The process is not easy, for as humans we are conditioned by routine. I must shift paradigms and the shift will be a total twist. I am sure that many tears, many fears, and many unwanted issues will surface. But I am equally sure that once at the surface, I will conquer that which is in me. I will rise to the top. It is perhaps through this reflection that I will understand that, though my life has been difficult, its not always a valley of tears. Sometimes, the tears themselves have grown the most beautiful ros e gardens.

I often have said that my mom gave me life twice. The first time was when she carried me in her womb to full term, and the second time was about a year and a half after I was born when her love and faith brought me back to life. I honestly think Gods grace chose my mom, who was justly named Virginia, to give me life two times. Like Virgin Mary, she was entrusted with a very difficult responsibilitycaring for me and helping me live a purposeful and produc tive life.

My life hasnt been easy, but it has been marvelous! I was born on May 17, 1965. The eighth child of a family of nine, I was born in the small town of La Pursima (which translates as The Purest), by a midwife who had also delivered my siblings.

La Pursima is a small town on the outskirts of Tepehuanes in Durango, Mexico. There are approximately two hundred and fifty inhabitants, all connected to each other in some way or another. The homes in the town had no running water or electricity at that time. The nearest source of water, a couple of miles away, was a stream with the most beautiful cascade. The town only had one school, which was about a mile from most homes. There was no hospital or medical care except for the unofficial nurse who healed by means of home remedies and, on occasion, would inject people with medicine she brought from T epehuanes.