Tyler Cameron - You Deserve Better: What Life Has Taught Me about Love, Relationships, and Becoming Your Best Self

PROLOGUE

April 2017

Holy shit, how did I end up here?

Im somewhere in the middle of West Texas, miles from anyone or anything. For hours, Ive just been driving, with no real destination, while my dad sleeps in the passenger seat next to me. Around us theres nothing but desertjust sand and sky for as far as I can see.

I cant believe how much things can change in twenty-four hours. Yesterday, I was strapping up my helmet and pads and hitting my last practice before the final game of the Spring League. Everything seemed fine with my girlfriend, Mariah. All I needed was one more good game to receive an invite for the start of NFL training camp. Then, during my first play of that last game, I dislocated my left shouldermy good shoulder. It started out okay; I caught the ball, I hit the cornerback, I got the yardage. Then some dude came around the side of me and slung me down to the ground. When I fell, I landed on my shoulder and it popped right out of place. Id had injuries before, but never like this, at such a critical moment. In an instant my football career, the thing I had dedicated so much of my life and energy to, was over.

My dad had been sick but came to Austin to see me play. As soon as the game wrapped, Pop looked at me sulking off the field and said, Lets drive. We both knew my hopes of an NFL career were over. And just like that, we hit the road. Thats how I came to find myself here. Wherever here even is.

I can barely lift my arm over the steering wheel, but by this point in my life, Ive had so many shoulder issues because of football injuries that I barely notice the pain. I was raised according to my pops philosophy: You go to the hospital when youre dying. I can tell this shoulder injury isnt good, but it isnt an emergency, so for better or worse, Im not going to pay it much mind.

My dad is making me do most of the driving. Hes had some health issues in recent years, so he cant move around well, and he isnt much for driving anyway. Hes slept most of the way since we left Austin, so Ive been alone with my thoughts for a few hundred miles. I think about football, about my relationship, about my future, which in this moment feels like its over before its even begun. I think of all the ways Ive messed up. Ive rarely had cell service, but when I do, I try to call Mariah. She doesnt answer. I cant process that our relationship might be over, too.

I drive west for hours, until we find a place we can spend the night. Its not much of a town, really, just a tiny hotel and a gas station, surrounded by miles of nothing.

In the hotel room, on an uncomfortable bed, I dont sleep much. I wake up feeling defeatedabout my arm, about my relationship, about my football career being over. Up until this point, my whole identitymy whole life, reallyhas been defined by football. My high school and college experiences, the friends I kept, the way I spent my free timeall of it orbited around football. For as long as I can remember, Ive always been T.C., the quarterback or T.C., the star athlete. If I dont have that anymore, then who the hell am I?

I head out to the hotel parking lot and sit down on one of those little bumpers they put at the end of a parking spot. As Im sitting there, waiting for my dad to finish getting ready, Mariah calls me on FaceTime. She hasnt spoken to me at all since the game, ignoring my texts and calls for more than a day. Knowing something is wrong as I pick up my phone, I brace myself for a hard conversation. But when I see her face on the screen, I can tell its worse than I thought.

Tyler, I cant do this anymore. Its the first thing she says.

Im speechless.

Youre not being a good boyfriend.

I try to think of a way to respond. But Im so tired from the drive and a horrible nights sleep, and Im so upset about my shoulder, that I just stay quiet. The simple truth is: Shes right. Im not. And I know it. For a long time leading up to this, Ive been a terrible boyfriend to her. Ive been immature, and I havent dedicated myself to the relationship in the same way she has. For the last few months, Ive been treating her wrong, talking shit to my buddies about our relationship, looking at other girls on social media, not putting energy into her or giving her support. She deserves so much better than what I have been giving. And yet, this moment still comes as a shock. A devastating one.

She dumps me, right there on FaceTime while Im sitting on the ground in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere. When I hang up the phone, I feel like Ive been beaten upnow emotionally as well as physically. I look up at the little two-story hotel where were staying and feel a knot rising in my throat. All I want is to go home and go to bed, to put a blanket over my head and never come out. But instead, Im stuck driving through the middle of Texas with my dad, on a road trip to absolutely nowhere.