Steven D. Price - More Than Sympathy: Essential Advice on Funerals, Money, Family, and Grief After the Death of a Loved One

Teaching Riding at Summer Camp (The Stephen Greene Press, 1972)

Panorama of American Horses (Westover/Crown, 1973)

Civil Rights , Vols. 1 and 2 (Facts On File, 1973)

Get A Horse!: Basics of Backyard Horsekeeping (Viking, 1974)

Take Me Home:The Rise of Country-and-Western Music (Praeger, 1974)

The Second-Time Single Mans Survival Handbook , with William J. Gordon (Praeger, 1975)

Old as the Hills: The Story of Bluegrass Music (Viking, 1975)

Horseback Vacation Guide (The Stephen Greene Press, 1975)

Schooling to Show: Basics of Hunter-Jumper Training , with Anthony DAmbrosio, Jr. (Viking, 1978)

The Whole Horse Catalog , Editorial Director (Simon & Schuster, 1979, revised 1985, 1993, 1998)

The Complete Book of Horse and Saddle Equipment , with Elwyn Hartley Edwards, (Quarto/Exeter, 1981)

Ridings a Joy , with Joy Slater (Doubleday, 1982)

All the Kings Horses: The Story of the Budweiser Clydesdales (Viking, 1983)

The Beautiful Baby Naming Book (Simon & Schuster, 1984)

Riding for a Fall (Tor Books, 1988)

The Polo Primer , with Charles Kauffman (The Stephen Greene Press, 1989)

The Ultimate Fishing Guide (HarperCollins, 1996)

Caught Me A Big Un , with Jimmy Houston (Pocket Books, 1996)

The Complete Book of the American Quarter Horse (The Lyons Press, 1998)

Two Bits Book of the American Quarter Horse (The Lyons Press, 1999)

The Quotable Horse Lover (The Lyons Press, 1999)

Essential Riding (The Lyons Press, 2000)

The Illustrated Horsemans Dictionary (The Lyons Press, 2000)

The Greatest Horse Stories Ever Told (The Lyons Press, 2001)

Classic Horse Stories (The Lyons Press, 2002)

1001 Smartest Things Ever Said (The Lyons Press, 2004)

1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said (The Lyons Press, 2004)

1001 Insults, Put-Downs, and Comebacks (The Lyons Press, 2005)

1001 Funniest Things Ever Said (The Lyons Press, 2006)

The Best Advice Ever Given (The Lyons Press, 2006)

1001 Best Things Ever Said about Horses (The Lyons Press, 2006)

1001 Best Things Ever Said about California (The Lyons Press, 2007)

The Horsemans Dictionary , Revised Edition, with Jessie Shiers (The Lyons Press, 2007)

The Quotable Billionaire (Skyhorse Publishing, 2009)

What to do When a Loved One Dies (Skyhorse Publishing, 2009)

The Worlds Funniest Lawyer Jokes (Skyhorse Publishing, 2011)

Endangered Phrases (Skyhorse Publishing, 2011)

Excuses for All Occasions (Skyhorse Publishing, 2012)

The Little Black Book of Writers Wisdom (Skyhorse Publishing, 2013)

Copyright 2014 Steven D. Price

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

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10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

eISBN: 978-1-62873-888-9

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

ISBN: 978-1-62636-427-1

Printed in the United States of America

Disclaimer: Nothing in this book should be construed to offer medical or legal advice and nothing contained herein is intended to be a substitute for qualified medical care provided by a physician or health care professional or legal and financial counsel provided by an attorney, paralegal, tax advisor, financial advisor, or certified public accountant.

To the Memory of My Parents

Cast a cold eye

On life, on death.

Horseman, pass by!

William Butler Yeats

M any generous and thoughtful suggestions and contributions by the following people enhanced this book:

Laurence I. Burd, MD; Jeffrey A. Buckner, MD; Michael Cohen; Sue M. Copeland; Margaret Danson Gries; Sue Kessler Feld; Norman Fine; Jennifer Meyers Forsberg; Rabbi Eric Eisenkramer; Lesli Groves; Jonathan Leshanski, DVM; Beverly Wolf MacMahon; Jacqueline McQuade of the Schuyler Hill Funeral Home; Betsy Parker; Anne L. W. Price; John Sands; Mitchell Sweet, MD; and John Thornton.

I am equally grateful to Ruth Mechaneck, PhD and to C. Toni Mufson, MSW, for their perceptive assistance on the grief counseling and therapy chapter; to Anthony Ard, Esq., for his review of the legal aspects of the text, to Nick Lyons for his editorial scrutiny and guidance, to Tony Lyons for suggesting the project, and to the Skyhorse staff, and especially Abigail R. Gehring, for helping to bring this book to fruition.

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Kahlil Gibran

D eath comes in many forms, at many ages, and in many ways. Some are anticipated; death at an advanced age is the logical consequence of life. Death from a terminal disease does not come as a complete surprise, either, and is especially sad when a young person is involved, but is also inevitable.

Then there are unanticipated deaths. The phone rings or someone comes to the doora relative, friend, medical authorities, the police, or the militaryand you are informed that a loved one has been killed in an auto accident or plane crash or was the victim of a crime of violence or a casualty of war. If any death can be called more devastating than others, that one may be suicide, and learning of the death is harder still if you are the person who discovers it.

You and the deceaseds other near and dear ones will be horrified, shocked, or in denial, but as the reality sinks in, you ask yourself, Now what?

To say that death isnt a pleasant topic is beyond understatement, and the inclination to retreat from its grim face is a very natural human response. Nevertheless, the very inevitability of the end of life no matter by what cause or at what age should help to make us face the unavoidable. Rather than retreating in denial or fear or squeamishness, stepping forward to help make the necessary funeral arrangements and then to help sort out the financial and emotional aftermath is an act of kindnessindeed, of loveto the deceased and to all others who mourn.

That person is you. Well call you the representative because youve agreed to represent the next of kins best interests andin a very real senseyour loved ones, too. We can assume that you have stepped forward to be such a guiding force, a quarterback, a strong hand on the tiller, or however else you choose to characterize your role. The deceased may be someone with no other friends or relatives, although he or she is more likely to be a parent, a child, a close relative, or dear friend. He or she may have had other relatives and friends who might have been closer than you, but because of your willingness, the other mourners/survivors gratefully accept your offer. Although this book is organized in the chronological order in which events following a death usually occur, the information found in certain chapters may become relevant earlier or laterout of order, so to speak. For example, probate proceedings may begin before a memorial service takes place, or grief therapy may be called for even before the funeral. Accordingly, let me suggest that you familiarize yourself with all the subjects covered in these pages so youll have a panoramic view of what to do when a loved one dies.