Jen Yates - Wreck the Halls: Cake Wrecks Gets Festive&quot

Wreck the Halls copyright 2011 by Jen Yates. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC an Andrews McMeel Universal company 1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106 E-ISBN: 978-1-4494-0776-6 APPR Library of Congress Control Number: 2011926172 www.andrewsmcmeel.com Book design and cover design by Holly Ogden Attention: Schools and Businesses Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail the Andrews McMeel Publishing Special Sales Department:
Back in 2009, halfway through our first-ever book tour, my husband, John, ended up in a Dallas ER with a staph infection in his blood, severe pneumonia, and a lump on his head the size of a golf ball. (Ask him about that lump sometime; he loves telling the story.) Though his condition was severe enough to be life-threatening, John spent his time in ICU paradoxically taking care of everyone else: managing hotels and travel for me, rescheduling our shows, and assuring fans he was fine when he wasnt.

At his insistence, we did our next show barely a week later, and with his lungs still 25 percent full of fluid. I think its safe to say that no one has ever suffered more in the name of goofy cakes than John, and for that, this book of goofy cakes is dedicated to him. Now, sweetie, about our next tour

When I wrote my first book, Cake Wrecks, I never could have dreamed Id get to write another. So, first and foremost, thank you to everyone who purchased, read, and/or told their friends about that funny cake book. Without you Id have to get a real job. This book also wouldnt exist without the contributions of wreckporters and wreckerators alike, and Im deeply indebted to all the people out there armed with either cameras or piping bags, respectively.

Its the circle of wreckage, my friends, and we all have our place. Even the people making cupcake cakes. [shudder] Thanks also to my agent, Christopher Schelling, and all of the amazing people at Andrews McMeelespecially Amy Worley, Kathy Hilliard, my editor Chris Schillig, and Holly Ogden, whom I was thrilled to have back designing this book. Somehow Cake Wrecks the blog survived even while I was knee-deep in holiday wreckage, due in large part to Jen Dorsman (aka Number1), Julianne Lau (aka Wrecky Minion), and Anne-Marie Carrier (aka Wrecksistant). You ladies rock my Wrecked world. Thank you.

Then there are the long-suffering friends and family who continue to put up with my antisocial, on a deadline ways, and occasionally even drag me out of the house to remind me what the sun looks like. These real drags include my parents, Jim and Sharon Yates; my mother-in-law, Donna; my brother, Ben; John and Abby Gjertsen; Mat and Amy Weiss, Ray Lau; my unofficial marketing manager, Sean DiMercurio; Chris Friend and Chad Eyer; Craig Jarrett; and all the rest of the Second Saturday gang whove cheered me on from the beginning. Thanks also to Tim Moran, who beat me to the punch by suggesting Wreck the Halls for the title. I may never forgive you for that, Tim, but thanks. And then theres John: husband, partner, coworker, cowriter, and co-keeping-me-saner. Though he made me do the actual writing (the taskmaster!), John poured hours and hours into this books creation, and Id never have finished it without him.

Thanks, sweetie. I love you.

Well, here we are again. You, standing there with this book in your hands. Me, sitting here hoping youre standing there with this book in your hands. My cat, hacking up a hairball.

Its like the circle of life, only with more desperation, wreckage, and cat vomit. Good times. Now, for those of you who have not had the pleasure of reading my previous book: Why not? Cease this mindless procrastination at once, and go forth and acquire said tome! Or, just read the following disclaimers. Then youll be all caught up.

A Cake Wreck is any professionally made cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriateyou name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly made cake; its simply one I find funny, for any number of reasons.

In other words: my book, my rules. If you find yourself disagreeing with my assessment of any of these Wrecks, a few quick blows about the head and neck with this book should set you right as rain.

Much like horoscopes, rodeo clowns, and Pat Robertson, nothing in this book should be taken too seriously. I am not the consumer watchdog of cakes. Cake Wrecks is simply my way of finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places. All of the photos in this book were taken and submitted by the brave Wreckporters of CakeWrecks.com. All of the photos in this book were taken and submitted by the brave Wreckporters of CakeWrecks.com.

These intrepid crusaders are often forced to employ speed, stealth, and ancient camera phones to bag their bounty. As a result, some of these photos are less than professional-looking. The rest are downright crappy. Were very sorry. Deal with it. (Or see Disclaimer #1, paragraph 2.) Okay, all caught up? Are you ready to WRECK?! Or maybe just sit there and look at some funny cakes? Ah, I thought so.

In that case: you may proceed.

You know what Im talking about: that nagging, weighty feeling of dread. The disquiet in the back of your mind. The suspicion that something, somewhere, is waiting to unleash a horror beyond your wildest imaginings. Then, before you can say spider goosing a ghost this happens: So, Candy Fun Cake, we meet again. Ah, but Jim, you saybecause this time youve forgotten both my name and my genderJim, thats Halloween! Its supposed to have lots of ugly cakes and gross goodies! Thats part of the fun! I suppose you have me there. Ah, butBUTwill you have me once we move on to ThanksgivingNext page