Geraldine Walsh - Unraveling Motherhood: Understanding Your Experience through Self-Reflection, Self-Care & Authenticity

Contents

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Unraveling Motherhood

Text Copyright 2023 Geraldine Walsh

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN: 978-157826-965-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

Printed in the United States

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Disclaimer: This book is designed to help us unravel certain aspects of our lives which can become knotted as we birth not only our offspring but also ourselves. This period of transition is heavily based within our minds and as a result our mental wellbeing. This book is not intended as a replacement for the professional advice a therapist can provide you. If you are concerned regarding your thoughts, behaviors, or actions, please seek professional support, advice, and care.

This Is Me

To my girls, Allegra and Devin,

for making me a mother and encouraging this unraveling.

And to my Barry.

unraveling
motherhood

Understanding Your Experience
Through Self-Reflection,
Self-Care & Authenticity

Geraldine Walsh

FOREWORD BY DR. MALIE COYNE

Further Reading

T hroughout my own unraveling , I read. I read as many books as possible that would help to give meaning to the chaos in my mind. I have listed some of these books here as I believe in the power of words, of sharing stories, of unraveling together.

Argawal, P., (2021) (M)otherhood: On the Choices of Being a Woman. Edinburgh: Canongate Books

Argawal, P., (2022) Hysterical: Exploding the Myth of Gendered Emotions. Edinburgh: Canongate Books

Badinter, E., (2010) The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women. New York: Metropolitan Books

Crosby, S., (2020) 5 Minute Therapy: Mental Notes for Everyday Happiness, Confidence and Calm. London: Penguin Random House

Douglas, S,. and Michaels, M., (2005) The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How it Has Undermined All Women. New York: Free Press

Frances-White, D., (2020) The Guilty Feminist. London: Virago

Frizzell, N., (2021) The Panic Years. London: Transworld Publishers Ltd

Fyans, P., (2021) The Invisible Job: How Sharing Home and Parental Responsibilities Leads to Happier Lives. Dublin: Orpen Press

Given, F., (2020) Women Dont Owe You Pretty. London: Octopus Publishing Ltd.

Glaser, E., (2021) Motherhood: A Manifesto. London: 4th Estate

Hogenboom, M., (2021) The Motherhood Complex: The Story of Our Changing Selves. London: Piatkus

Keating, A., (2018) The Secret Lives of Adults: Your Seven Key Relationships and How to Make Them Work. Dublin: Gill Books

Leonard-Curtin, A., & Leonard-Curtin, T., (2019) The Power of Small: Making Tiny but Powerful Changes When Everything Feels Too Much. Dublin: Hatchette Books Ireland

OKane, M., (2021) Perfectly Imperfect Parent: Connection Not Perfection. Dublin: Orla Kelly Publishing

Perez, C., (2020) Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed For Men. New York: Vintage Books

Scarlet, J., (2020) Super-Women: Superhero Therapy for Women Battling Anxiety, Depression and Trauma. London: Robinson

Siegehart, M. A., (2021) The Authority Gap: Why Women Are Still Taken Less Seriously Than Men, and What Can We Do About It. New York: Doubleday

Wintsch, K., (2020) Slay Like a Mother: How to Destroy Whats Holding You Back So You Live the Life You Want. New York: Sourcebooks

Foreword
by Dr. Malie Coyne

W hen asked to write this foreword, I jumped at the chance to lend support to Geraldines unraveling of motherhood, as it is in the sharing of her own personal struggles, blended with her vast experience of mental wellbeing, that I have felt freer to share my own struggles. The hope is that you will, too. After all, we are all imperfect mamas, and I truly believe that being messy together is better. Sure, weve still got a lot of learning to do, but look how much weve learnt already!

In the words of Geraldine, For too long, we have swept the tough parts of motherhood under the rug in the hope that no one notices the difficult truth that motherhood is not perfect. By continuing to do this as a society, who are we serving, exactly? Were not helping ourselves as mothers who continually feel like were not up to scratch for this emotional rollercoaster of a job. Nor are we serving our children, as an overwhelmed parent is a less self-reflective parent with reduced abilities to look after our own needs and the emotional needs of our children.

In our modern society, where there is huge pressure to perform to our best in every aspect of our lives, there is an erroneous belief that we can somehow master motherhood in the same way that we tackle everything else. Add to this, new mothers are bombarded with information on the dos and donts of being a good parent from family, friends, experts, and the perception that everyone else is doing it perfectly on social media. This is a pressure cooker to someone who is totally sleep-deprived and feels very vulnerable looking after a baby for the first time or navigating motherhoods intense ups and downs, with often little acknowledgement or support.

The belief that a perfect mother exists promotes feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and blame. Feeling like we dont quite measure up begins a spiraling of negative thoughts, which leads to low self-confidence and emotional difficulties. We need to continue to shatter falsehoods that there is such a thing as a perfect mother by calling it out for what it is. This is exactly what Geraldine does in the pages that follow, as she unravels this erroneous belief and encourages us to attune to our inner selves and, Find our own truth, identity, and purpose to live a profound and fulfilled life during the many intensely exhausting and overwhelming periods of motherhood.

In my 20 years of practice as a clinical psychologist with children and families, I have often referred to the importance of being a good enough parent. The good-enough parent is a concept derived from British paediatrician and psychoanalyst Winnicott in the 1950s in his efforts to provide support for what he called the sound instincts of parents...stable and healthy families. Fast-forward 70 years, this concept is as relevant as ever, with what I often refer to as the 3 pillars of good parenting, including 1) learning to trust your gut instinct; 2) letting go of the fallacy of perfection; and 3) getting to know yourself as a parent and prioritizing self-care. These concepts ring through loud and clear in this book, which is a testament to Geraldines belief that we already have what we need to be good parents and that unraveling our stories can only enhance our precious offerings.