Rabbi Lynnda Targan - Funny, You Dont Look Like a Rabbi: A Memoir of Unorthodox Transformation

Advance Praise for
Funny, You Dont Look Like a Rabbi

Many people fantasize about changing careers but never take the leap. Lynnda Targan jumped headfirst, and the story she recounts will embolden and inspire others. It was no easy path to choose the rabbinate, considering the hurdles for womenparticularly moms, let alone one starting the process at age 50but Rabbi Targan felt the pull of our text and teachings, and crossed the threshold with moxie and prayer. This memoir reminds us all of whats possible.

Abigail Pogrebin, author of My Jewish Year and Stars of David

Lynnda Targans journey to the rabbinate is anything but typical. She writes of overcoming her challenges and obstacles with determination and grit, as well as with the help of her family, her deep Yiddishkeit, and a few angels along the way An inspiring story of personal transformation and ultimate faith.

Angela Buchdahl, Senior Rabbi, Central Synagogue, New York City

A riveting journey of achieving the improbable... [Targans] resilience, perseverance, tenacity and unwavering commitment to family and faith absorb the pages of this poignant memoir on loss and redemption.... A gutsy, liberating, page-turner of a memoir.

Regina Calcaterra, New York Times bestselling author of Etched in Sand

With levity, warmth, and personal truth, Lynnda Targan describes a feminine version of a traditionally masculine journey. It is not so much a tale of battling and overcoming (although theres a fair amount of that, too) as much as a tale of listening, offering, receiving, trying, listening again, and then trying a new way. Reading this book is like hearing a good friends life story, wanting the best for her, and knowing that the only reason shes telling it to you is because she wants the best for you, too.

Rebecca Barry, bestselling author of Recipes for a Beautiful Life

F unny, You Dont
Look Like a Rabbi

F unny, You Dont
Look Like a Rabbi

A Memoir
of Unorthodox
Transformation

RABBI LYNNDA TARGAN

White River Press
Amherst, Massachusetts

Copyright 2020 Lynnda Targan

All rights reserved.

First published 2020 by White River Press, Amherst, Massachusetts

www.whiteriverpress.com

Book and cover design by Douglas Lufkin

Lufkin Graphic Designs, Norwich, Vermont

www.lufkingraphics.com

ISBN: 978-1-887043-72-4 paperback
978-1-887043-60-1 ebook

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file with the publisher.

LCCN: 2020007584

To Larry, Beth, Eric, Charlie, Nasreen, Sage, and Darren:

Your love and nourishment support me in all
of my transitions and transformations.

CONTENTS

T O MY PATIENT AND LOVING FAMILY , I say thank you and thank you: Beth Seltzer, Larry Targan, Sheri Daniels, Todd Lewis, and Vicki Lewis. Many, many, thanks to my esteemed Mussar group: Dr. Marlyn Vogel, Dr. Betsy Richman, Sharon Greis, Karen Model, Dr. Penni Blaskey, and Joy Gordon; with much gratitude I thank Hersh Richman, Dr. Bob Vogel, Bonnie-Kay Marks, Shirley Brown, Susan Cole, Dr. Steve Barrer, George Seltzer, Dani Shapiro, Cyd Weissman, Madlyn Rovinsky, Charla Sussman, Karen Silverberg, and Rabbi Fredi Cooper. You have all offered your encouragement and thoughtful comments, for which I am beyond thankful. Blessings and thanks go to my esteemed early editors, Ghena Glijansky Korn and Rebecca Barry; and finally, to the marvelous Ann Campbell who pushed this book through to fruition... without you it would be lost in the ether. Many, many thanks to Linda Roghaar, Jean Stone, Doug Lufkin, Kitty Florey, and the entire team at White River Press for believing in my work and bringing it to light.

Shehechianu: Praised Are You Lord our God, Presider over the Universe, for granting us life, for sustaining us, and for helping us to reach this day. Amen.

Were the sky above us of parchment made,

And every twig and reed a quill;

Were every drop of sea water ink

And each of us a book could fill:

Still we could not tell the wondrous story,

Of the Creators work in all of its glory.

From the Akdamut, a medieval anonymous
hymn used for the holiday of Shavuot prior to
the recitation of The Ten Commandments.

This is a memoir, a work of nonfiction that Ive written based on journals and diaries and from memory. Every painstaking attempt to convey details accurately has been made from the inception of this project. Wherever possible and permissible, I have used peoples real names. To protect the identity of others, names have been changed or expressly eliminated.

B ACK IN THE FIFTIES when I was growing up, there was a popular prime time TV show called Whats My Line? A guest would be asked to enter and sign in please, and a panel of four celebrities attempted to guess the visitors profession by asking a series of leading questions.

The panelists were plenty smart, but if the show were on the air today, and I were a guest, I would likely stump the panel and win the game. Ive been told that I dont look the part or fit the stereotype. Compared to men, women are still a distinct minority in this occupation.

So, whenever someone introduces me, its usually followed-up with a question:

Guess what Lynnda does?

Not one person has ever been correct.

Im an ordained rabbi, I respond with a touch of pride and humility.

Really? A rabbi? people exclaim with wide-eyed curiosity. Well, you sure dont look like a rabbi. Certainly not my fathers rabbi! No black hat, no long stringy beard and curly payos (side hair locks). Maybe if wed had rabbis like you back in the day, I would have liked Hebrew school, they tell me, even though they likely wouldnt have said the same thing to a man.

But there werent rabbis like me then. I would never have been a guest rabbi on Whats My Line, because female rabbis didnt exist at that time. Women rabbis werent ordained until two or three decades later, in the seventies, and even then, there were only a few. Thousands and thousands of men have been ordained, but there are only approximately 8001,000 or so female rabbis that exist even todayworldwide!

That fact alone might explain the curious response of many people when they realize what I do. With a quizzical look on their faces, they continue questioning.

A rabbi? What made you decide to become a rabbi? Are you a practicing rabbi? Are you affiliated with a movement? Do you serve a pulpit?

This book answers those questions by revealing how I heard the calling and transformed myself in midlife to become a working community rabbi. It tells a story of seeking and finding personal, professional, and spiritual fulfillment, despite many challenges and lots of adversity. It is meant to inspire others to follow their passion, no matter what age, and no matter how unreachable the goal seems. And mostly it cautions against cookie-cutter expectations of others in order to be real and happy in ones own skin.

It wasnt as though I was spending my days on the couch eating chocolate truffles and watching soap operas when I first felt the inklings of a spiritual awakening. I was living a busy, engaged, happy, and privileged life infused with meaning and purpose. My husband and I loved each other. He was an excellent partner, dad, and a solid provider. I worked as a teacher and a journalist, wrote a newsletter as a volunteer for the LaLeche League of nursing mothers, sat on boards, took care of my house and children, had lots of friends, and traveled the world for business and pleasure.

But though my cup did runneth over, I felt that there was something missing in the fountain of my soul. I experienced an almost daily emotional and spiritual barrenness, a sense that I was not realizing my potential, not giving back to the world with the moral obligation of