Grace Sheppard - Living With Dying

Title Page

LIVING WITH DYING

By

Grace Sheppard

Publisher Information

First published in 2010 by

Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd

1 Spencer Court

140-142 Wandsworth High Street

London SW18 4JJ

Digital Edition converted and distributed in 2011 by

Andrews UK Limited

www.andrewsuk.com

2008 Grace Sheppard

The right of Grace Sheppard to be identified as the Author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998.

Royalties from this publication will go to

St Johns Hospice on Wirral.

Dedication

For Jenny, Donald, Stuart and Gilles

Who were there for me,

With my love

Acknowledgements

My thanks are heartfelt and go to:

My late husband David for his unconditional love, and care for me and for showing me how to suffer with acceptance and grace.

Jenny Sinclair, our daughter, who has been there for me and given me utmost encouragement, and for sub-editing my whole text; and to Donald, Stuart and Gilles for their love, fun and practical help when it mattered most.

My brother John, and sisters, Hazel and Evelyn for faithful practical love, and many chuckles.

Davids sister Mary Maxwell, for her encouragement and love; and for her example of courage with common sense, during her own double bereavement.

Liz and Frank Povall for their ever open door and deep and trusted friendship in all its forms given freely out of their own times of grief and loss; and for addressing all those envelopes.

Anita Cheung, Pat Crooks, Mary Cross, Brian and Pam Denton, Peter and Elizabeth Forster, Nick Frayling, Mary Gray, Ann King, Irene Perry, Jenny Plunkett, Joan Rayment, Alan Ripley, Ted and Audrey Roberts, Pat Starkey, Peter and Angela Toyne, and Desmond Tutu, all of whom have stayed regularly in touch and were especially close throughout this journey; and to all those many friends from the Mayflower and Southwark years.

To Stephen and Lorraine, Jed, Lucy and Isaac Broadbent and Mandy and Simon; for providing a gateway to heaven itself for me, in their home and workplace; a place of Gods grace in which to rest and work without distraction, and with total understanding of what enables a person to flourish and be creative; and for all those cups of tea!

To Stephen Broadbent himself, for his imaginative and inspiring bronze memorial sculpture of David and Derek Worlock. Also for the bronze, Th e Wate r o f Life, depicting Christ and the woman at the well of Samaria in Chester Cathedral cloisters, which has taught me so much about the friendship of Christ.

Brendan Walsh and DLT for commissioning this book.

Teresa de Bertodano for masterly editing and encouragement along the way. Helen Porter for her gentle, patient editing over the finer details.

Frances Sutliffe for her patient, sensitive and efficient transcribing.

Richard Buck for consistent prayerful, faithful and good-humoured spiritual direction in the early years; and for his friendship since.

John McManus for reading the whole text as it emerged, and for his constant encouragement; for his spiritual direction, and for his gentle, firm enabling of me in preparing to let David go. For sharing the struggle, and subsequently in bereavement years providing a rock-solid place which can only be described as the friendship of Christ on earth at its best.

To all who contributed so wholeheartedly to Davids funeral and thanksgiving services.

All those involved in maintaining the physical and mental health of both of us, including Hanna McLuskey, Steve Briggs, Elaine Batts, Carol Makin, David Berstock, St Johns Hospice on the Wirral, the Macmillan nurses team, and Marie Curie night nurses, and all in the NHS.

My neighbours in Melloncroft Drive for countless kindnesses, especially Noreen, Peter and Sue, Ian, Jim and Val, John and Margaret, together with Peter and Sylvia, Sheila and Ron who have since died and I trust are resting in peace now.

Friends at St Bridgets Church, West Kirby; especially Roger Clarke and Malcolm Cowan for their ministry.

Ruth Etchells for her constant encouragement to write this book, and for her ministry through her own book of personal prayers and meditations, Just as I Am , which has sustained me spiritually for more than fourteen years.

Mike Brearley for keeping in touch so gently and firmly.

John Ebdon and the Sussex County Cricket Club for their affection and generosity.

Godfrey Butland for his friendship and oversight of Davids archive, and for his entry on David in the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography .

The Liverpool Echo for initiating the idea and seeing through the local appeal for a statue of David and Derek Worlock, and the people of Liverpool and others who donated money and time to see it unveiled in Hope Street on Pentecost Sunday in 2008.

To those who offered hospitality to me so soon after Davids death.

Ian, for carrying all those letters and cards. Mark for helping me to keep the garden in trim. Diane for aromatherapy. Pat and Linda for helping me to keep my house clean.

To all who wrote, phoned, prayed and visited during our journey together, and since.

It is risky to name names like this, but I decided to take the plunge. It has been a most humbling exercise. So I am sure there have been some glaring omissions. Please forgive me if so. I decided to leave out titles here as it is the people inside their roles that I have been privileged to know.

Above all I thank God himself and the Spirit of Christ who has been my constant companion throughout this journey and whom I know will be there when it is my turn to let go in death. Until then I am filled with gratitude for life and for friendship.

Foreword by Archbishop Desmond Tutu

When I first met Bishop David Sheppard, I was immediately struck by his imposing physical presence. This was a big man. Very soon thereafter I discovered that his impressive physical stature was matched by its moral counterpart. He had given up the much coveted honour of captaining the MCC cricketers on their tour to South Africa because he abhorred that countrys apartheid racist policies.

I discovered that this was a gentle giant, caring and compassionate as he ministered in South London as Bishop of Woolwich, especially with the most vulnerable and marginalised. He went on to cover himself in glory as Bishop of Liverpool in his splendid ecumenical partnership with Roman Catholic Archbishop Derek Worlock. He seemed so indestructible; he seemed to be going to be there always. Then as it were out of the blue came the shattering diagnosis of his bowel cancer. For most of us to be told we have cancer is like a death sentence because we may believe that all cancers are terminal, though of course this is not always the case.

The news shook Grace and David. It would have been odd if it hadnt. They would henceforth experience moments of darkness and questioning, perhaps asking the perennial questions, Why us, why now? all evidence of our common frailty and vulnerability. But mostly, they faced an inevitable reality we are all mortal and the one certain fact for all of us is that we are going to die; that in a real sense, we are all suffering from a terminal disease with a calm acceptance.

We are indebted to them both in that they decided to accept reality, not grimly, not with a defeated resignation. They were going to walk this intimate journey as persons of faith, knowing that ultimately nothing, absolutely nothing, not even death could separate them from Gods love for them in Jesus Christ our Saviour. In this deeply moving account, we are privileged to accompany two loving spouses as they live with approaching death not grimly, not in any macabre way. No, they let us glimpse their intimate moments, loving, crying, laughing, Davids bed placed so he could admire the beautiful garden they had planted together outside his room. They enjoyed music together, and were thrilled by the antics of their grandchildren.