Merrilee Boyack - Standing Up in a Sit-Down World

2012 Merrilee Browne Boyack

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, Deseret Book Company, P.O. Box 30178, Salt Lake City, Utah 84130. This work is not an official publication of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the author and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church or of Deseret Book Company.

Deseret Book is a registered trademark of Deseret Book Company.

Visit us at DeseretBook.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Boyack, Merrilee Browne, author.

Standing up in a sit-down world / Merrilee Boyack.

pages cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-60907-057-1 (paperbound)

1. Conduct of life. 2. VoluntarismReligious aspectsThe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 3. CourageReligious aspectsThe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I. Title.

BX8656.B69 2012

248.4'89332dc232012003219

Printed in the United States of America

Malloy Lithographing Incorporated, Ann Arbor, MI

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

To my mother and father,
who taught me to stand up and to serve

Acknowledgments

Id like to thank Lisa Mangum, who is an outstanding editor, and Jana Erickson, who has been unfailingly supportive. Many thanks to Deseret Book for once again extending to me the opportunity to teach and share.

Chapter 1

Decide to Be a Giver

Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Matthew 25:40

I have a strange hobby. Now it might have something to do with my careerI am an estate-planning attorney, and I work with families to help them be prepared for death or disabilitybut I think it has more to do with my fascination with what people choose to do with their lives.

My morbid hobby is reading the obituaries. My mother used to read them, and somehow I began to do the same. I dont read the whole article, usually, but I do read the headlines. They make for fascinating reading. Who was this person? What did they choose to do with their life?

One day I was reading the obituary headlines to my husband, Steve, who does not share my strange fascination, and I burst out laughing. There in big bold print was an obituary headline Id never seen before. After listing the persons name and age, it said, Expert bowler. Expert bowler! I was amazed. Can you imagine living for seventy-six years and the most important thing someone could say about you was that you were an expert bowler? I couldnt believe it.

I asked my husband what his obituary would say. He mumbled an I dont really care, but I thought about it for a minute. I think Steves headline should read, Steve Boyack, 104, beloved Scout leader, dies on top of Mt. Whitney. Steve was a Scoutmaster for eleven years and a Scout leader for more than thirty years, and I am grateful for his service not only to our four sons but to all those boys and men to whom he has given his time and energy, so that seems like an appropriate headline.

I want you to take a minute and think about this question: What will your obituary say? Will it say Mary, expert shopper or Mary, PTA volunteer? Will it say Jim, devoted employee or Jim, devoted grandfather? Its rather sobering to think about reducing your life to a handful of words, but it is also extremely enlightening.

To quote Montaigne, The glorious masterpiece of man is to live to purpose; all other things are but little appendices and props.

So what is your purpose? What are you doing here on this planet? And, most important, have you chosen to be a taker or a giver?

Takers and Givers

Takers and givers are very different kinds of people. Takers are never truly happy. They can never take enough to fill that hole in their soul. They are glued to their workplace at the expense of everything else: take, take, take. They roam the malls: take, take, take. They are busy people who dont have time for anyone or anything else.

Takers expect to be rich. They expect to have lives of total happiness. They expect to be perfect, in a worldly way. They expect to have power and influence. They expect to have it all. They may be rich, but the money will never be fulfilling to them because it will never be enough. They will never be happy enough or perfect enough, and someone will always have more power or influence than they have. Takers live miserable, small little lives, never extending their view beyond their own selfish desires. Some takers sit back and expect everything to be given to them, with no thought to contributing. Takers will never find happiness in that which does not fill their soul, and the only thing their obituaries will say is expert taker.

Now givers are quite another story. I want to tell you about Millie. (Thats not her real name, but this is a true story.) I knew Millie quite well. She lived in a little house in the poorer section of our city. She had many children. She never drove a car. She didnt have much money, and both her appearance and her dress were plain. Most people would have said there was absolutely nothing outstanding about Millie. Except for one thingMillie was a giver.

Throughout her whole life, she was a volunteer and a leader in her community and church. She was a Scouter, true-blue and devoted, and she worked tirelessly for more than thirty years in the Boy Scout organization helping young boys become men. She was involved in her community groups and civic clubs, and, once her kids were grown, she literally spent most of her time involved in volunteer work.

A few years ago, Millie died suddenly on her way to the National Boy Scout Jamboree where she was to receive an award for her service. I attended her funeral where there was standing room only as one person after another saluted this woman. And there in the paper was her obituary: Millie, dedicated volunteer and Scout leader. Now thats a great life.

Millies life was full of lessons, but one of my favorites was this: Dont wait. She didnt wait to get involved. She didnt wait until she had enough money. (She had none.) She didnt wait until she had enough free time. (She had six kids and arguably no free time.) She didnt wait until shed settled into a new community or made new friends. (She started working as soon as she moved to our neighborhood.) She didnt wait to find the right charity that matched what she wanted to do. Millie did whatever was asked of hereven the humblest of jobs that no one else wanted to do. Dont wait to give; Millie didnt.

Look Out the Window

I remember when I was in college. School was hard, and I was always broke. I had no free time. I wasnt dating. I was really bummed out and depressed. So I wrote my dad a letter. I seem to recall it was an extremely lengthy epistle filled with Woe is me! My life is the pits! I catalogued all my complaints and problems and went on and on about how depressed I was.