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Therese Rosenblatt - How Are You? Connection in a Virtual Age: A Therapist, a Pandemic, and Stories about Coping with Life

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How Are You? Connection in a Virtual Age: A Therapist, a Pandemic, and Stories about Coping with Life: summary, description and annotation

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By turns a memoir, a chronicle, and a provocative contemplation of our new socially distanced and virtual world, How Are You? tells the story of how a therapist found herself plunged overnight into the unsettling reality of a pandemic and all-virtual therapy.

Therese Rosenblatt shares her privileged front-row seat into the hearts and minds of her patients, to report on what is actually going on inside real peoples heads from the dark, early days of the pandemic through its long, drawn out progression. Dr. Rosenblatt then trains her own attuned eyes and ears onto herself, sharing some of her own experiences, challenges, and unexpected pleasures as she navigates this new world together with her patients.

Readers get an insider view of how her patients are coping with loss, loneliness, and isolation, as well as overcrowding with relatives, spouses, and partners, and their challenges with substance use. Rosenblatt opens a window into her own private thoughts as she conducts her therapy sessions-an inner world that is normally reserved for the therapist alone. At the same time, readers are privy to the experience and perceptiveness of an analytic therapist, living through the same crisis as her patients. A crisis that includes catastrophic illness, social isolation, and the move to a virtual existence that is liberated from the physical space of the consulting room, yet missing its comforts and human sensibilities.

The stories journey deep into the regions of the private therapy space with vignettes from remote patient sessions, revealing what it has been like as they tackle poignant and pivotal aspects of their lives-difficult marriages, ambivalence about pregnancy, and young adults trying to launch into the world while locked down with their parents.

Dr. Rosenblatt offers us a breadth of insight gleaned from twenty-six years of practicing therapy, plus many more decades of a life lived fully. Here is a book filled with wise observations that offer succor and skills for those searching for guidance in this time of crisis and facing the demands of living, loving, working, connecting, and finding meaning in a world lived increasingly at a distance.

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How Are You Connection in a Virtual Age A Therapist a Pandemic and Stories - photo 1
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How Are You? Connection in a Virtual Age: A Therapist, a Pandemic, and Stories about Coping with Life
Copyright 2021 by Therese Rosenblatt
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher. For information, please contact RosettaBooks at .
First edition published 2021 by RosettaBooks
Cover design by Lon Kirschner
ISBN-13 (print): 978-0-7953-5315-4
ISBN-13 (ebook): 978-0-7953-5316-1
Library of Congress Control Number: 2021938493
wwwRosettaBookscom CHAPTER ONE A New Context What Kind of - photo 3
www.RosettaBooks.com
CHAPTER ONE
_____________
A New Context: What Kind of F*ckery Is This?
H ow are you? I rarely heard those three words in my work as a therapist before the pandemic. For close to a year, every single patient started their session this way. How the world changed for my patients and for me. We lived through a societal crisis together on a grand scale. The deep impact of this shared experience changed the very nature of my workfrom how I conduct therapy, to the way I navigate the traditional boundaries between therapist and patient, the pandemic shook up the old order of things forever. I was challenged to rethink my practiceshow I apply the analytical disciplines, theoretical framework, and theories of my rigorous training.
The pandemic transformed my work, starting with my patients first words. How are you? Pre-pandemic, patients normally plunged right into their own stories, as is the long-standing custom of therapy sessions. During the pandemic, my patients wanted to know how I was first. How was I weathering the storm? As much as we were living through a global trauma collectively, we were, each one of us, also alone. So many of our norms were challenged and rethought, both at the personal and the societal level. My patients knew that I was facing many of the same seismic shifts as they are. When they asked me, How are you? I wondered how I should answer.
I am not a therapist who likes to answer a question with silence. Yet I did not want a session to stray too far into personal territory, which can delay or obstruct the therapeutic benefits of focusing on a patients experience. Pre-pandemic, I might have said, Fine, thanks. Polite. Perfunctory. Then I would have listened for what the question meant to the patient. In the early days of the pandemic, I often answered more fully: Hanging in there, or Okay, even, Fine, if it was a day when I felt good. Then, as in before times, I listened for what the question really meant to my patient that day. As the months accumulated, I began to revert to my old answer and say, Fine. For a new reason: when I heard my patients voices, I was happy to be with them. I was fine . I felt privileged to do this work; to share space with my patients grounds me. Our lived experience of our world is now divided between pre-pandemic and the emerging post-pandemic.
The pandemic has caused a radical and unprecedented revolution in our lifestyles and behavioral patterns. Amy Winehouses lyrics from Me and Mr. Jones often run through my head. What kind of fuckery is this? Our approaches to life, work, and love have changed in ways that will last. For many of us, during the pandemic, we tried to tell ourselves we were fine, but we were not allowing our true feeling to be in the forefront of our minds. The pandemic was a crisis. We were so flooded with feelings and new information that we couldnt even put our full response into words. In the midst of a crisis, we are most focused on managing daily life, not processing whats happening to us. We are, to a certain degree, dissociated. We may feel out of control, overwhelmed, and possibly even numb. Like other collective crises, we will likely always remember where we were and what we were doing when we first really took in the news that there was a pandemic. Ive been following reports of lethal viruses around the world for a long time and had long feared we were overdue for a pandemic. When I first read the news from Wuhan in late January, I was terrified. I felt overwhelmed and helpless. Then I numbed out and told myself it was okay. But just a month later, on the phone with a colleague, trying to organize an in-person meeting for a group of us, when my colleague said, We need to take this new virus seriously, I suddenly realized that everything was about to change. The effects of a threat to our well-being last long after the initial danger is over. You are a different person than you were at the beginning of 2020. The way I live and the way I work are altered for the long term.
As we faced the cataclysmic impact of the pandemic, many of my patients openly grieved their losses. Some were overwhelmed, almost to the breaking point, by the pressures imposed on them.
Nancy found herself homeschooling her four children, in addition to building her new business and maintaining the household. Some were cranky and angry about the irretrievable indignities foisted on them. Teresa and Frank could not be with their elderly parents as they suffered their last days of the pandemic in the hospital. Teresa is a neurologist, so this was a double offense for her. One of her core characteristics is that of a caretaker. She prides herself in being there for people and gets especially deep satisfaction out of accompanying people in the gritty, hard, existentially threatening moments. Teresa said goodbye to her mother over the phone. Theres a hole in her spirit.
Some were delighted that the solitude theyve always loved, which had set them apart from others pre-pandemic, was not only sanctioned, but advantageous. Betsy was so relieved about the decrease in social demands. I myself delighted in having more time to myself and with myself. I very much enjoy my own company and always have a long to-do list for pleasure, work, and projects. I developed a newfound friendship, a close and compassionate relationship... with myself. I indulged my interests and love of solitude in ways I had never done in the past. Others discovered or rediscovered their most basic priorities in life. Emma realized she didnt need to go to the theater. Ken, Kevin, and Elizabeth all strengthened their resolve to separate from the home fires and forge their adult lives. Some rebelled by flouting the rules of social distancing and mask wearing.
Our emotions rolled through us, and still do, as we struggle to make sense of the last many months. One day we feel fine; the next we are battling with the subterranean rumble of despair. Our reactions came in phases during the pandemic. Initially, many felt optimism and energy. I did. After all, how long can a pandemic last? A year? Two years at the very most, like the 19181919 Spanish flu pandemic. I was primed to take this on as a challenge and determined to be positive and adaptive. Then a phase of weariness set in. Social distancing and hygiene were essential and will likely be some part of our precautionary practice going forward. They take energy. Melancholy lurked right around the corner. The pandemic was not a hoax. The pandemic was a living nightmare. This is the nature of trauma. Survival mechanisms allow us to feel some level of matter-of-fact , some remove, when we are experiencing the utter helplessness caused by traumatic events. It is only afterward, now, that we feel the full force of the impact, that we recognize how we are altered and scarred.
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