Tom Feltenstein - Lucrative Love: The Insiders Secrets to Marrying Millions!

Lucrative Love

The Insiders Secrets to Marrying Millions

Tom Feltenstein

Contents

Chapter 1: Cinderella Lied

Chapter 2: Love Dont Pay the Bills

Chapter 3 : Digginfor Gold

Chapter 4 : My Butler Can Beat Up Your Butler

Chapter 5 : Show Me the Monet!

Chapter 6 : Planet Penis and the G-Spot Galaxy

Chapter 7 : Prenups Not Just for Schmucks!

Chapter 8 : Wiping With Ben Franklins

Im only qualified to make you laugh and maybe find a millionaire
to spend the rest of your life with . Happily ever after is your problem.

This book can be very hazardous to your current way of life. If you are content with your pathetic life, working to stay afloat, where being taken to the Paddys Dinner is reserved for special occasions, and you dont mind the dog hair on the couch, or the mess in your apartment. If you are happy dating from the same pool of losers that you always seem to find, and dont mind the car payments so you can have a decent ride - then I suggest you not read this book. It will offend you more than likely it will really piss you off. This book will challenge a very core belief that you dont deserve better , and that dreaming or planning for the life of your dreams is somehow shameful or sinful.

If you were given the book, or you just got the book, I suggest you close it and give it to a friend who constantly complains about the above; a friend who would enjoy a great laugh, and to find maybe a millionaire he or she could date and marry; a friend who is tired of living an average, ordinary life, a friend who would shoot for the stars if given the chance, perhaps a friend who wants an extraordinary life, does not mind a challenge and is ready to have a whole lot of fun in the process.

What are the chances of you earning your way into millions? Not very high I bet. You can dream of it, everybody dreams of it, but very few really make it. Irreverent, authentic, witty Lucrative Love unveils the path towards your mansion through the front door.

If you dare to dream of a jet-set lifestyle and you would enjoy a date with Madame Celebrity, a ring from Mr. Opulence, a weekend with Sir Fame, or a blow from Miss Flow then you will love this book. Full of wit and humor, Lucrative Love , pops the lid open to our silent hopes, forbidden dreams, and the harsh realities of marrying into wealth.

Tom Feltenstein

Chapter 1

Cinderella Lied

Ive never lived in a building without my name on it.

Ivanka Trump

We ve all heard the story of Cinderella. The poor girl was forced to scour the floor on her hands and knees, do the laundry, and cater to every whim of her wicked stepmother and stepsisters. As she watched the gruesome twosome prepare for the ball, she silently wished she could go as well. Sadly, she had to stay home and scrub her sisters whiskers out of the wash basin while they shamelessly squeezed their boobs together so the prince could catch a glimpse of their cleavage. And so the story goesher animals come to life, an old bag lady conjures up a pumpkin, dolls her up, sends her to the ball, she meets the prince, they get married and live happily ever after while her stepsisters sit at home and grow old and lonely. Sweet isnt it?

I can t help but wonder, though, if Cinderella married the prince because she actually loved him or if it had to more to do with his castle and fortune. We are raised with the idea that our wedding day is supposed to be one of the most meaningful, important days of our lives. Candles, flowers, cake, white dress (for some anyway), little birdies tweeting in a nearby tree. Church pews jam packed with family and friends all there to witness the blessed event.

What none of them realize is that baby girl is marrying a trash collector whose annual salary is less than her daddys country club membership. But its all going to be okay because they love each other. Love will carry them through the good and bad times, right? Wrong! More likely, sooner rather than later, baby girls going to get tired of Prince Charming coming home smelling like dirty diapers and rancid grease.

And don t think that this scenario only happens to women. Men are faced with the same situations too. Remember the fairy tale story about kissing a frog to get a prince? Thats because some poor guy got himself saddled with a trophy wife, and yeah she looks hot and all, but she has to close her eyes and imagine someone else to let him get within ten feet of her. Refilling that Viagra prescription every month can take its toll as well. Aside from the fabulous roll in the hay, what does he really have in common with her other than a bank account? (Oh, and just a word of caution guys: if your needle is standing in the haystack for more than eight hours you might want to call a doctor.)

Let s take a moment and travel back in time to the weddings of several hundred years ago. On occasion, a farm boy would fall in love with the milk maids jugs, and theyd tie the knot, but for the most part marriages were arranged. The participants in these marriages had very little, if any, choice of who their spouse might be. Interestingly enough, the men had just as little say in this matter as the women of the time.

M arriages were frequently arranged so both families involved would benefit. They were arranged to bring prestige, wealth, or political power to the family. The children of landowners would be expected to marry children of other landowners to increase the size of the acreage. One of the most famous examples of the tradition of arranged marriage was between King Henry VIII and his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves. After he whacked the heads off his previous wives, he got tired of whacking something else off, so he decided to find a young bride to give him a hand. He was sent a royal portrait of a beautiful young princess. Henry immediately sent for her, and when she arrived they were married. A very short time after their marriage, Henry woke up one morning and realized she wasnt as attractive as hed hoped for so he divorced her.

But don t feel too sorry for poor old Henry. Many a young lass around the castle were more than willing to let His Highness the Porker, pork her to get some of the fringe benefits of bedding a royal. And dont pretend to be shocked. I know women who will give it up for a ride in a Mercedes and dinner at the country club. So whos the ho? Is it any wonder that prostitution is the oldest profession? You give me this; Ill give you thata simple transaction.

Of course , back in ye olden times, many of these couples didnt even meet until their wedding day. I cant imagine schlepping down the aisle to spend the rest of my life with someone only to find him or her toothless and covered with boils. In his Utopia , Sir Thomas More recommended that, in order to avoid subsequent disappointments such as a teenie peenie or boobs that resemble a potato in a tube sock, couples see one anothers bodies before marriage.

One morning, Sir William Roper visited More in Chelsea to request a marriage to one of his daughters. Roper was ushered into the girls room where they were sleeping on their backs. Without a word, More ripped the sheets from the bed. The girls awoke with a shock, and as soon as they saw Roper standing over them, they quickly rolled on to their stomachs. Now I have seen both sides, Roper remarked, and chose the elder daughter, Margaret, to be his wife. Maybe this is where the phrase shoot for the moon came from. It may also be where a womans desire for bigger and better ta-tas started. I bet that younger sister stewed over that one for years!

All of this sounds a bit extreme, and Im the first to admit that I personally wouldnt want to be a part of an arranged marriage, but I must tell you what I really like about this concept. Somebody made this decision with a cool head, thinking about all factors for the future wellbeing of the entire family. The decision was not made by an irrationally emotional bimbo with a hormone infested bloodstream asking his sweetheart to tie the knot as a lame attempt to immortalize the momentary sex-based high.