La La Anthony - The Love Playbook: Rules for Love, Sex, and Happiness

RULES FOR LOVE,

SEX, AND HAPPINESS

WITH KAREN HUNTER

A CELEBRA BOOK

Celebra

Published by the Penguin Group

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First published by Celebra,

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First Printing, February 2014

Copyright La La Land, Inc., 2014

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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA:

Anthony, La La.

The love playbook: rules for love, sex, and happiness/La La Anthony, with Karen Hunter.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-0-698-13683-0

1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Sex. 3. Happiness.
4. Anthony, La La. I. Hunter, Karen. II. Title.

HQ801.A64 2014

306.7dc23 2013037847

PUBLISHERS NOTE

While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party Web sites or their content.

CONTENTS

Im Not a Relationship Expert, but...

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Why This Playbook

The Daddy Give-and-Go

The Assist: Lessons from Mom and Mami Nina

How Do You Make That First Date Less Awkward?

Personal Foul: Young and Dumb!

r

The Playbook: Have a Game Plan

How Can I Change a Player?

One-on-One: Friendship First!

And Baby Makes Three... but
What About the Two?

The Scrimmage: Pros and Cons of Shacking Up

Game Time: The Marriage vs. the Wedding

Salary Cap: His, Yours, and Ours

How Do I Snag a Baller?

Training Camp: The 60 Day Challenge

My Starting Lineup: Keep Your Friends Close...

Does He Like Me?

The Rules

The Fake: It May Work in HoopsNot So
Much in Relationships

The Uniform

Should You Give Him a Freebie?

Ejection: He Cheated. Now What?

Looking for a Trade: The Grass Is Not Necessarily Greener

Opposites Attract, and Complete

Baby Mama Drama

A Message for Kiyan

It All Comes Back to You

OPENING TIP

Im Not a Relationship Expert, but...

I dont like to play games. I hear a lot of people say this as it relates to their relationships. And what I say to that is if youre arent playing, youre probably being played.

Ive learned over the years that love and life are one big game. If you want to win, first you have to play (you gotta be in it to win it, as they say, right?). Once youre in the game, then you need to know the rules. The first rule of love is that the ball is in the womans court.

Most women dont know this and thats why they dont play very well. Imagine giving away your biggest advantage by tossing the ball to him first!

Women control the game. We are the trophy; we have what men want.

I was talking with a couple of male friends one evening recentlyregular guys, not athletes or rappers or actorsand they were saying how they hate going to clubs to meet women. Why? Because if they see a woman they may like and want to buy her a drink, they usually have to make the first move. Or if they want to dance with a woman they see across the room, they have to walk across the room and ask her to dance. They talked about the anxiety of that walk. They talked about their fear of rejection. All the things they worried about were things that the woman on the other side of the room doesnt even have to consider.

She holds the power. If she says no, he has to handle that and figure out what his next move is going to be. These guys are good-looking, have great jobs, and are confident and secure in themselves, so it was surprising to hear how scared they were to approach a woman.

It made me remember, too, that I experienced this myself when I was in high school. I was popular, I was cool, and I was dateless. I hung with all the guys (many of whom Im still friends with), but none of them asked me to the prom or even on a date. They thought that either I was taken or there was no way they had a chancenot because I was some supermodel knockout but because I was so confident-seeming and cool that I probably would say no. I never got the chance to say no. So I eventually learned that it was okay to make the first move (more on this later).

There are a lot of good men out there looking for a relationshipnot just a hookup. For those guys looking just for a hookup, its a numbers game: Ask as many women as possible or date as many women as possible and if you get one, great. Thats probably not what youre looking for, and you can see this dude a mile away. Hes the one with the smooth lines, and he seems to have it all figured out and knows exactly what you like.

But a man who is serious, who wants to settle down, who is looking for that woman hes not thinking that way. If youre a woman looking for a guy like that, then know that you totally have the upper hand. Once you know that you control the game, the next thing you must know is what the rules are.

Heres another often unknown fact: Women usually make the rules. We determine a lot of how our relationships will play out by the decisions we make or dont make early on. We determine how a man will treat us. We determine how far things will go and how they will go. Depending on what kind of outcome you want, you can set your rules accordingly.

Being married to an NCAA basketball champion and two-time Olympic gold medalist who is one of the best players in the NBA, I get to see what it takes to win a game, a series, and a championship. Theres a lot of preparation, conditioning, and trainingand thats before the season even starts. During the season they still have to work out and practice. They watch tapes of other teams to study weaknesses and figure out how to exploit them. Its not enough that their team is good; they have to find ways to beat that other team, which is also very good. Even with the best conditioning, training, coaching, and facilities, they still need teamwork and a bit of luck to win.

There are a lot of similarities between the game of basketball (and most games) and the game of love. In both basketball and love, if you want to win, you have to work hard and you need teamwork. But in basketball, there can be only one winner. In love, if you play the game right, you both win.

Too many women, however, play to lose.

How do we lose?