Renato - Bulletproof Marriage--English

2014 Renato Cardoso and Cristiane Cardoso

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Grupo Nelson. Grupo Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Originally published in Portuguese under the title: Casamento blindado

Thomas Nelson Brasil, Vida Melhor Editora SA, 2012

Rua Nova Jeresalm, 345, Bonsucesso Rio de Janeiro, RJ, 21402-325

www.thomasnelson.com.br

Textos: Renato Cardoso, Cristiane Cardoso

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

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ISBN: 978-0-71802-597-7

ISBN: 978-0-71802-607-3 (eBook)

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DEDICATION

To all the couples who value their marriage enough to bulletproof it. And to those wise single people who know that is better to prevent something than have to heal it.

RENATO AND CRISTIANE CARDOSO

CONTENTS

Defence! Defence!

As you start to read this preface, you would probably expect to find references to basketball, a sport that has brought me great achievement, struggle, joy, conflict, and reward. To be honest, though, I would rather speak about another area of my life that has also brought achievement, struggle, joy, conflict, and reward, but one that has been much deeper and more meaningful: my marriage. And to be even more honest: if it hadnt been for the strength of my marriage to Cristiane, its likely I would have a lot less to talk about, including anything in my life as an athlete.

Cristiane and I have been married for over thirty years, yet we have known each other for nearly four decades. I know this sounds like a clich, but I cannot help thinkingand I am sure you will agreethat it seems like weve always been together. Imagine all the things that can happen in a lifetimesunny days and perfect weather, but also rainy days and storms. Its all about having a well-grounded relationship that can stand up to the stormy winds of life that try to bring it all down.

If I were to go back forty years ago, when I was more nave (when I didnt believe in the Easter Bunny), I would have said that every problem in a marriage could be solved with love. Obviously, it is a key element to any relationshipno couple can stay together and be happy without lovebut I can assure you that there are many more aspects to marriage that come into play.

I can simply begin by explaining how my wife, Cristiane, was able to give up her college degree only three months before graduation and move to Europe with me, where I started playing six months after our wedding. In those first weeks, she supported both of us financially, when the team I was playing on started the season on the wrong foot. No matter how much I had to train or concentrate on my game, Cristiane never dropped the ball at home. Without her, I probably would have given up. With her, I returned home a champion a few years later.

In basketball (okay, I am talking about basketball after all), no self-respecting team will get results unless they work as a team. The one who scores a point also turns around to play defence in order to protect the rest of the team. In the United States, fans shout, Defence! Defence! Ive come to realize that this works in marriage exactly the same way. When we love, we advance, progress, and win, but its also about being concerned about protecting not only our spouse but our relationship as well. Out of respect for Cristiane, I stopped bringing fans along with us on the bus. It wasnt just about sparing her the embarrassment; it was also about preserving our unity, our love, and our relationship.

This is why I was thrilled when I was asked to write the Preface for Renato and Cristiane Cardosos book. Ive read a few books on marriage and heard about others, but this is the first time Ive found one that goes to the heart of the issue: the one who truly loves will bulletproof his marriage. Bullet-proofing is just thatsetting in place all the defences that will block anything that could potentially jeopardize the relationship. This includes not just external attacks but also those that come from within: put-downs for silly things, crises (they always appear), the lack of humility to know how to lovingly give in (or stand your ground in love), an inability to adapt to each others strengths and defects, blackmailing, emotional games... and the list goes on and on.

Renato and Cristiane learned these things after many years of couples counseling, but their best training was the school of life. This is where they discovered the power of bulletproofing their marriage, which becomes stronger and more solid when it is based on Christian principles and values. And now they share these experiences and guidance in this book. It is a great opportunity for those who have discovered that their marriage is vulnerable and needs to be shielded, as well as for those who have already bulletproofed their marriage and know the importance of strengthening that protection. Read it and bulletproof your marriage too.

Oscar Schmidt
Hall of Famer and Brazils all-time greatest basketball player, married to Cristiane and father of Felipe and Stephanie

People dont get married out of hate. I have never heard of anyone asking for a persons hand in marriage by saying, I hate you! Will you marry me? People marry for love. Despite that, divorce rates continue to rise each year. In some countries, such as the U.S., half of all marriages end in divorce. In South America more than half of all marriages end up in divorce, and the statistics have increased since 2012. Out of every three marriages, one hits the rocks. And it is going from bad to worse.

It shows that the love that binds people together has not been enough to maintain a strong marriage. Scary, isnt it? Just imagine: the love that you have for each other may not be enough when a marriage crisis comes along!

The problem is not a lack of love, but rather a lack of the tools to solve problems that are part and parcel of being a married couple. People get married with virtually no ability to solve problems that arise with married life. For some reason, this is not taught anywhereat least, not in a clear, practical way it needs to be. In the past, training for marriage came from parents. When marriages were strong and exemplary, children looked to their parents as models of how to act in a relationship. Nowadays, parents are often an example of what not to do...