Bethenny Frankel - Skinnygirl Solutions: Your Straight-Up Guide to Home, Health, Family, Career, Style, and Sex

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to women. We struggle every day just to find balance, even when we rarely master it. We strive for fairly simple things: love, sex, health, family, work, sleep, time, water, and trying not to look like a total hot mess while attempting to achieve them. You have given me so much. Every day I learn something from you, whether it is something as simple as removing a stain or something as intense as coping with divorce. I wrote this book to try to give you some of the solutions that keep me sane under the most difficult of circumstances. I love you and I am so proud of you for all that you endure and strive for every day.

I havent been in your lives, or your living rooms, for a while.

Its been interesting adjusting to a private life. No cameras in the house and nobody following me around, catching my intimate moments. I still get snapped by the paparazzi when I go outside, but its different not to have you in my living room or kitchen with me, not to have you following me around to my events or even hanging out with me while I talk to my therapist. Youve missed a lot of important changes in my life, and Ive missed you.

But I have to be honest. I left reality television, and I havent looked back. I dont miss it, although occasionally when something funny happens, I have a fleeting thought that the cameras should have been there to catch it. (Humor is still very important to me.) Im so grateful for all the opportunities Ive had in television, but by the third season of The Real Housewives of New York City , I was kind of through with it. The word toxic was tossed around very freely back then, but I have to admit that it was definitely an accurate term for that situation. When youre in an experience like that, you think about things you normally wouldnt, you fight about things you probably shouldnt, and you say things that you couldnt possibly imagine you would ever say. Then there was Bethenny Getting Married/Bethenny Ever After , which was stressful to say the least, but I decided at the beginning that if people were going to take time out of their busy lives to tune in, I would give them the truth. Three seasons of truthand the truth can hurt.

I can admit that I bit off more than I could chew with the fame game. I have become very recognizable and pursued by photographers. I thought fame would be fun, but it changed me a little. I opened up Pandoras box, and once you do that... Ive had to become more careful, a little more suspicious, and Ive had to tighten my inner circle. Its taught me that I have friends I really can trust, but maybe not as many as I once thought. Thats the reality, but in a world where people sell you out all the time, Im proud to say that my friends havent sold me out, my business partners havent sold me out, my colleagues from television havent sold me out, and everyone on my team has been loyal and stuck by me.

All along, I just wanted to be happy. I wanted a normal life with Bryn. I wanted to be able to wake up in the morning and have breakfast together and play with puzzles and Legos and then take her for her daily activities, whether its school or ballet or the park. Ive had a taste of that this year, as Ive been out of the spotlight (except for the divorce drama, of course). Some days, I almost feel like a regular stay-at-home mom, but my life has never been entirely regular. Every fashion decision, hairstyle, even expression on my face I dare to make in public gets plastered online. (No complaints here. Just explanation.) Im also running all my businesses and writing this book. One moment, I can feel like nothing exists in the world besides Bryn, me, and the art project were doing or the cupcake were decorating or the slide were about to go down. Just a few hours later, I might be in the depths of editing my book or making decisions about my product lines or on a flight across the country. Fortunately, I now work with some incredible people who support me so I have as much time with Bryn as possible, but I wouldnt exactly call it a year off.

Yet, it has been a year off in many ways. Unless I was doing an appearance on Ellen , I havent been on television. Ive been dealing with my personal life instead. Thats been a full-time job. If you watched my show Bethenny Ever After , the last time you saw me, I was slogging through an extremely difficult time. I was completely in love with my daughter but struggling to keep my relationship with my husband positive. As you may have heard, that hasnt worked out so well.

I know a lot of you want to hear about the divorce. I dont like to talk about it or be public about it because its a private issue, and every relationship is 10 percent what everyone else sees and 90 percent what only the people involved know about or understand. Its the same with me as with anyone, but it just so happened that I was on television during this time in my life. I was totally open with my life and you saw a lot, but nobody saw everything. You saw what I could show you, but that wasnt the whole picture. Relationships are complex and private and never simple, but people thought they had the whole story. That made the entire situation even more difficult and stressful.

After I suffered a miscarriage last year, in some ways I was actually relieved because I was scared that I wasnt in a happy place. I didnt want to fail, so I forced myself to make things good. I tried very hard. I went to therapy. I obsessed. I lost weight. I was terrified. But I made the choice, and it was the right choice. I ripped off the Band-Aid and I definitely found clarity.

Right now, my personal life is very uncomfortable. It feels frightening and unnatural but my priority is to be the best mother I can be and make sure that my daughter knows how much she is loved. Its not ideal, but its the best solution right now.

I know many of you criticize me for my failure, and I totally get that. I criticize me, too. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I tried so hard to live the fairy tale in front of everyone, and it didnt work out. I guess life is full of disappointments and I take the bad with the good. Ive learned about myself, and Im heartbroken, but Im still here. Im a little wiser, and most important, I am certain. I know many of you have gone through the same thing. Youve been divorced, or are going through a divorce now, or are thinking about it. Or youve just had a bad breakup or had your heart broken. This is life. Its not perfect, but its full of beautiful moments nevertheless. Its a rose with petals and thorns.

Im slowly learning that maybe divorce doesnt have to suck. There are advantages to being the only adult during the times when you are with your child. That time is all your own and you get to make it as quality as you can. You can really be present with your child, without focusing on anything else, because you appreciate that time so much more. Youre really in it. When your child is with the other parent, thats when you get alone time and do things for yourself. The point is to look on the bright side. Easier said than done.

Its a long road. The torment comes first, then the fear, then the action, then the clarity, and then the mud. And hopefully, theres a certainty that youve done the right thing. But when youre in the mud, everything is a little bit harder. I expect there to be sunshine after the mud, but Im not there yet. Im still in the mud. Im working my way out.