Leslie Gornstein - The Celebrity Playbook: The Insider’s Guide to Living Like a Star

Copyright 2014 by Leslie Gornstein
Originally published in 2009.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales promotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or .

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc., a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available on file.

Cover design by Owen Corrigan

ISBN:978-1-62914-548-8

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-62914-901-1

Printed in the United States of America

Dedication

To JOHN, for making me better
To GLENN, for making me anything at all

CONTENTS

A Note From the Author

Everything youre about to read in this book is true.

For more than a decade, Ive worked as a entertainment reporter, uncovering the strange realities of celebrity life from deep within the Hollywood hellmouth. In this book, youll learn not what stars want you to know, but how they really live--how they stay rich, how they raise their kids, how they play the paparazzi game.

When I first started assembling the initial edition of this book, I figured Id just put down all the facts and then let you read them. But then I realized that I must go further. I had an obligation to the next generation. Hollywood had been good to me, I realized. It gave me a career as a fist-shaking coal-hearted crusader of truth. And so I needed to give something back, not only to my readers, but to the celebrity community that spawned me.

So I packaged my arcane knowledge not in expose form, but rather in a handy handbook format. And just in time for the next generation of would-be megastars. Now they, too, can study the black art of A-listery. And, by reading this book, so can you. Ever dream of hanging out with Taylor Swift at her home in Rhode Island, cackling wildly from her window as her security people harass the beachgoers again? Youll need all the coaching you can get.

Youre welcome.

PREFACE

Sorry, The Celebrity Playbook is RESERVED. True film stars only past this point.

If you are not a A-list celebrityor, at the very least, a Miley Cyrus type who is expected to leer and strip her way to that peak status any second nowyou should close this book immediately. Otherwise the very facts within may cause your second-rate day-player eyeballs to melt, just like that grinning Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark. In fact, feel free to consider this book the Ark of the Covenant of celebritydom, minus the winged cherubim and the flesh-eating light of Yahweh. If it finds you unworthy, I cannot guarantee the safety of your face.

If you are an actual major movie star, this book is your new best friend. It contains dozens of simple, comprehensive action plans that will carry you through any crisis you might encounter as a member of the Hollywood elite. Velvet-rope ambushes, paparazzi ground assaults, a sudden two-pound weight-gainwith this book in your fiercely manicured hands, nothing can scare you anymore.

First, a simple test, kind of like your first screen test, way back when you were just a starry-eyed porker in a pair of size-four Gap jeans. If you pass, you may proceed to the next chapter. Ms. Witherspoon, if you happen to be reading this, we do not presume to judge you, the bona fide A-lister. Rather, consider this a barrier against impostorsKardashians, cat memes, Instagram stars.

Dont worry about actually putting little checks in these checkboxes; it isnt your job to carry stencicles or whatever those plastic writing instruments are called. Thats for your assistant to wrangle with.

You command, or have commanded at one point in your career, at least $15 million per film. Or, OK, $10 million, as long as you also once demanded a percentage of gross ticket receipts. Nobody routinely scores that kind of quid these days, but if your agent is still dreaming of a return to those heady times, youre probably famous enough.

You have graced the Vanity Fair Hollywood issue at least once, most likely in some iconic Annie Leibovitz portrait where you either stand, triumphant, on a beach, or pal around, triumphant, next to Judd Apatow or J.J. Abrams, or soak, triumphant, in an antique bathtub.

You can, in the words of Hollywoods more delightfully decrepit citizens, open a picture. In other words, people come to movies to see younot the character youre playing, such as Superman, or the concept, such as Oh My God, There Are Vampires In Alaska.

You have the power to green-light any project. If you even hint at maybe wanting to make a movie, a giant pile of money instantly materializes outside your production office. Film financiers live to execute your every whim, no matter how silly. Just ask your co-producer on Planetoid!: The Musical.

You have a standing invitation to Clooneys villa on Lake Como. You would come and stay, except that you have your own pied--terre just outside Florence.

You have at least two personal assistants, one who stands at your left hand, and another who stays at home and keeps your A-list children amused with organically grown spirulina smoothies and trips to the chiropractor. This second assistant is not to be confused with your personal chef, who is not to be confused with your nutritionist.

You may or may not own your own private plane; your publicist will neither confirm nor deny. Your publicist is also your BFF (forever and ever). That statement? Just now? Where she would neither confirm nor deny? She did that for free, just because you called her your best friend in your Oscar speech, and also because she was a bridesmaid in your second wedding.