Moliere - The Miser & George Dandin: The Actors Moliere - Volume 1: 001

In memory of my brother Gerald, who lived to the same age as Moliere and loved laughter

or The Confounded Husband

(George Dandin, ou Le Man confondu)

George Dandin, a wealthy farmer of peasant stock

Angelique, his wife

Monsieur de Sotenville, a country gentleman, Angelique's father

Madame de Sorenville, his wife

Clitandre, a courtier from Paris, in love with Angelique

Claudine, Angelique's maidservant

Lubin, a peasant, Clitandre's emissary

Colin, George Dandin's servant

George Dandin, alone.

GEORGE DANDIN Ah! It's so mortifying to have an upper-class wife. My marriage is a powerful lesson to any peasant who wants to rise above his rank by tying himself, as I've done, to the family of a gentleman. Gentility, as such, is fine, desirable, something you admire, no question about that. But it has too many drawbacks. Stay well out of it! I've learned plenty and it cost me dear. I know what these gentry are after when they recruit the rest of us into their families. They're not interested in us as people. They want to marry our money. I'd have done a lot better, being reasonably well off, to marry into decent, ordinary country folk than to take a wife who thinks she's too good for me, and doesn't like having my name, and acts as if my money isn't enough to pay for the privilege of being her husband. George Dandin, George Dandin, you did the most stupid thing in the world. I've come to hate my house. Every time I enter it I walk into trouble. (He notices Lubin coming out of his house - aside) A funny-looking character ... What the devil's he been up to in my house?

LUBIN (Aside) There's a man staring at me.

GEORGE DANDIN (Aside) He doesn't know who I am.

LUBIN (Aside) He knows something's going on.

GEORGE DANDIN (Aside) So! He can hardly bring himself to bow.

LUBIN (Aside) I'm afraid hell tell someone he saw me come out of there.

GEORGE DANDIN Good morning.

LUBIN And to you.

GEORGE DANDIN You're not from these parts, are you?

LUBIN No, I'm here to see the celebrations tomorrow.

GEORGE DANDIN Excuse me, didn't you just come out of that house?

LUBIN Shush!

GEORGE DANDIN What?

LUBIN Keep it quiet!

GEORGE DANDIN How come?

LUBIN Don't ever say you saw me here.

GEORGE DANDIN Why not?

LUBIN Because.

GEORGE DANDIN No, but why not?

LUBIN Shush now. Someone might be listening.

GEORGE DANDIN Not a soul.

LUBIN I just spoke to the lady of the house - a message from a certain gentleman who's sweet on her. Nobody must know about it, you follow?

GEORGE DANDIN So far.

LUBIN That's why not. I was told to take care nobody sees me, so I'm asking you not to say a word.

GEORGE DANDIN I don't need to.

LUBIN I'm going to keep it secret, like I was told to.

GEORGE DANDIN That makes sense.

LUBIN They say the husband's jealous. He doesn't want anybody making love to his wife. He'd kick up a hell of a fuss if he heard about it. Get me?

GEORGE DANDIN Only too well.

LUBIN He mustn't know a thing.

GEORGE DANDIN Why should he?

LUBIN We'd like to put one over on him, but quietly. You follow?

GEORGE DANDIN All the way.

LUBIN If you say you saw me coming out of his house you'll wreck the whole plan, get it?

GEORGE DANDIN You bet. Ah, what's his name, the one who sent you?

LUBIN He's our local, you know, big man. Monsieur le Vicomte of something ... Damn me, I can never remember how the hell they say that name. Monsieur Clee ... Clit ... Cleeton ... I forget.

GEORGE DANDIN The young nobleman, the one who lives... ?

LUBIN Yes, over by those trees.

GEORGE DANDIN (Aside) So it's the fop who just took a house practically on top of mine. I suspected something, having him that close.

LUBIN The nicest man you ever met. Gave me three gold pieces just to tell the lady he's in love with her and very much hopes to have the honor of speaking with her. Not a very tiring job, is it, for so much pay? I usually earn about a tenth of that for a whole day's work.

GEORGE DANDIN And you passed on the message?

LUBIN Sure did. I came across a servant in there called Claudine. She saw right away what I was after and let me talk to her mistress.

GEORGE DANDIN (Aside) A servant? A whoremonger!

LUBIN She's a real winner, that Claudine. I've fallen for her. It'll be on her own head if we don't get married.

GEORGE DANDIN But what did the mistress reply?

LUBIN She told me to tell him ... Wait, I don't know if I remember it all ... She's most grateful for his attentions, but her husband's a monster. None of this must leak out. They'll have to think up some way to meet and talk.

GEORGE DANDIN (Aside) A wife? A tart!

LUBIN This'll be a laugh. The husband won't know a thing about the arrangement, see? That's what's so great about it. Being jealous won't do him a bit of good, will it?

GEORGE DANDIN Not much.

LUBIN So long. Sealed lips, get me? A secret! The husband mustn't find out.

GEORGE DANDIN He won't from me.

LUBIN And I'll act like I know nothing. I'm a smart, sly one, and nobody'll guess I'm involved. (Exit.)

GEORGE DANDIN Well, George Dandin, you see how your wife treats you. That's what comes of wanting to marry a lady. She uses you any way she pleases and you can't get back at her. Your hands are tied by class distinctions. When a husband's on a par with his wife he can get as mad as he likes. If she was a peasant girl you'd have every right to thrash her with your heaviest stick. But no, you wanted to move up among the gentry. You weren't satisfied to be master in your own house. Ah, my heart's bursting. I could flog my own hide. The gall of her - to listen to the advances of some dandy from Paris and then promise to meet him in secret! I can't pass up this opportunity. I'll go right to her father and mother and lodge a complaint. I'll get them to witness the pain and anxiety their daughter's causing me. Here they come; that's lucky.

Enter Monsieur and Madame de Sotenville.

MONSIEUR DE SOTENVILLE What is it, son-in-law? You look worried.

GEORGE DANDIN I honestly have reason to be, and

MADAME DE SOTENVILLE Good-heavens, son-in-law, it's not very civil to forget to bow when you approach somebody.

GEORGE DANDIN Now look, mother-in-law, I have other things on my mind, such as

MADAME DE SOTENVII_L.E Again! Is it possible that you know so little about common courtesy, son-in-law? Is there no way to teach you how to conduct yourself when you're with people of quality?

GEORGE DANDIN In what way?

MADAME DE SOTENVILLE Can't you stop being familiar and calling me mother-in-law? Won't you ever learn to address me as madame?

GEORGE DANDIN Good lord, if you call me son-in-law I don't see why I can't call you mother-in-law.

MADAME DE SOTENVILLE There are many reasons. The two things are not the same. Kindly realize that you do not use that expression to a person of my standing. You may be our son-inlaw, but there's a chasm between you and us. Remember who you are.