Lisa Damour - Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood
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- Book:Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood
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Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood: summary, description and annotation
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In this sane, highly engaging, and informed guide for parents of daughters, Dr. Damour draws on decades of experience and the latest research to reveal the seven distinctand absolutely normaldevelopmental transitions that turn girls into grown-ups, including Parting with Childhood, Contending with Adult Authority, Entering the Romantic World, and Caring for Herself. Providing realistic scenarios and welcome advice on how to engage daughters in smart, constructive ways, Untangled gives parents a broad framework for understanding their daughters while addressing their most common questions, including
My thirteen-year-old rolls her eyes when I try to talk to her, and only does it more when I get angry with her about it. How should I respond?
Do I tell my teen daughter that Im checking her phone?
My daughter suffers from test anxiety. What can I do to help her?
Wheres the line between healthy eating and having an eating disorder?
My teenage daughter wants to know why Im against pot when its legal in some states. What should I say?
My daughters friend is cutting herself. Do I call the girls mother to let her know?
Perhaps most important, Untangled helps mothers and fathers understand, connect, and grow with their daughters. When parents know what makes their daughter tick, they can embrace and enjoy the challenge of raising a healthy, happy young woman.
Praise for Untangled
Finally, theres some good news for puzzled parents of adolescent girls, and psychologist Lisa Damour is the bearer of that happy news. [Untangled] is the most down-to-earth, readable parenting book Ive come across in a long time.The Washington Post
Anna Freud wrote in 1958, There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves. In the intervening decades, the transition doesnt appear to have gotten any easier which makes Untangled such a welcome new resource.The Boston Globe
Damour offers a hopeful, helpful new way for parents to talk aboutand withteenage girls. . . . Parents will want this book on their shelves, next to established classics of the genre.Publishers Weekly
For years people have been asking me for the girl equivalent of Raising Cain, and I havent known exactly what to recommend. Now I do.Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of Raising Cain
An essential guide to understanding and supporting girls throughout their development. Its obvious that Dr. Damour gets girls and understands the best way for any adult to help them navigate the common yet difficult challenges so many girls face.Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes
A gem. From the moment I read the last page Ive been recommending it to my clients (including those with sons!) and colleagues, and using it as a refreshing guide in my own work with teenagers and their parents.Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee
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Praise for Untangled
Lisa Damours Untangled is the best description of the female adolescent journey that I have ever read. Empathetic and wise, every page is filled with a deep understanding of girls and their parents. If you read this book you will know what your daughter is experiencing, and with Damours advice, you will know how and when (and when not) to talk to her about it.
M ICHAEL T HOMPSON , P H .D., co-author of Raising Cain
This is the book parents have been waiting, hoping, and praying for, because its far more than a book. Its a map, flashlight, and GPS device for navigating the landscape of adolescent girlhood. Lisa Damour proves to be the perfect guide and companion: wise, whip-smart, and relentlessly practical on every page. As the father of three teenage girls, I wish I had this book years agoand I hope that it is read by every parent, teacher, coach, administrator, and human being who wants to help girls grow and thrive in todays world.
D ANIEL C OYLE , author of The Talent Code
There are books about teenagers that are smart. And there are books about teenagers that are practical. Lisa Damour thankfully provides us with one that is both. With palpable empathy and understanding for adolescent girls and the families they reside in, Damour equips parents with a flexible blueprint for anticipating challenge and encouraging growth in their daughters. If you have a daughter (or were a daughter!) Untangled is mandatory reading.
M ADELINE L EVINE , P H .D., author of The Price of Privilege
In exceptionally clear prose, Damoura clinical psychologistskillfully blends research analysis, psychological insight, and stories of girls and their families into a compelling narrative about whats right about our daughters. She illuminates the seven transitions that girls must untangle to become fully themselves, with each offering a corresponding opportunity for parents to stretch and transform themselves. Throughout, Damour offers unstintingly practical advice to parents about how to talk with their daughters about what matters most and in ways that they are likely to be heard.
K IMBERLYN L EARY , P H .D., associate professor, Harvard Medical School;
chief psychologist, Cambridge Health Alliance;
Robert Wood Johnson Health Policy Fellow
The advice contained within this book does not constituteor serve as a substitute forprofessional psychological treatment, therapy, or other types of professional advice or intervention.
Copyright 2016 by Lisa Damour
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.
B ALLANTINE and the H OUSE colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
Grateful acknowledgment is made to Hal Leonard Corporation for permission to reprint an excerpt from Sexual Healing, words and music by Marvin Gaye, Odell Brown, and David Ritz, copyright 1982 by EMI April Music Inc., EMI Blackwood Music Inc., and Ritz Writes. All rights administered by Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, 424 Church Street, Suite 1200, Nashville, TN, 37219. International Copyright Secured. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Hal Leonard Corporation.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Names: Damour, Lisa, author.
Title: Untangled: Guiding teenage girls through the seven transitions into adulthood/Lisa Damour.
Description: First edition. | New York: Ballantine Books, [2016] | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015040046 | ISBN 9780553393064 (hardcover: alk. paper) | ISBN 9780553393064 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH: Teenage girlsPsychology. | Adolescence. | Adulthood. | Adolescent psychology.
Classification: LCC HQ798 .D26 2016 | DDC 305.235/2dc23 LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015040046
eBook ISBN9780553393064
randomhousebooks.com
Title-page image: iStock/jaroon
Book design by Simon M. Sullivan, adapted for eBook
Cover design: Misa Erder
Cover photograph: plainpicture/Hollandse Hoogte
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While an adolescent remains inconsistent and unpredictable in her behavior, she may suffer, but she does not seem to me to be in need of treatment. I think that she should be given time and scope to work out her own solution. Rather, it may be her parents who need help and guidance so as to be able to bear with her. There are few situations in life which are more difficult to cope with than an adolescent son or daughter during the attempt to liberate themselves.
A NNA F REUD (1958), Adolescence
Here and elsewhere, Ive taken the liberty of revising the 1958-style default to male pronouns by placing her and she where Ms. Freud had his and he.
We need a new way to talk about teenage girls, because the way people do it now isnt fair to girls or helpful to their parents. If youre reading this book, someone has probably already remarked about your daughter, Oh, just wait till shes a teenager! (And parents who say this never mean it in a good way.) If youve read other books about teenage girls, you may have noticed that they tilt toward the dark side of adolescencehow girls suffer or cause suffering in their parents and peers. Its certainly true that girls can be hard on themselves and others, and even when they are at their best, theyre often unpredictable and intense. But too often we talk about adolescence as if its bound to be a harrowing, turbulent time for teenagers and their parents. We make raising a teenage girl sound like a roller-coaster ride: the whole family hops on, white-knuckles their way through, and the parents hope that after all the ups and downs their daughter steps off at the end as a healthy, happy adult.
Im here to tell you that life with your teenage daughter doesnt have to feel like a tangled mess. There is a predictable pattern to teenage development, a blueprint for how girls grow. When you understand what makes your daughter tick, she suddenly makes a lot more sense. When you have a map of adolescent development, its a lot easier to guide your daughter toward becoming the grounded young woman you want her to be.
To give us a new and helpful way to talk about teenage girls, Ive taken the journey through adolescence and organized it into seven distinct developmental strands that I introduce, one per chapter, in this book. These developmental strands make plain the specific achievements that transform girls into thriving adults and help parents appreciate that much of their daughters behaviorhowever strange or challenging it may seemis not only normal but evidence of her excellent forward progress.
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