Christensen - The Roughcut Cookbook

This is a cookbook created specifically for bachelors and other men whore so simplistic they should have to apply for some type of permit before being allowed to reproduce, (at least with another human). Youll find a lot of egg and ground beef entrees. Remember, you can put an Armani on a monkey, but that wont make him a male model! These are tasty dishes that can be easily made and wont send you rushing to the bathroom, or the emergency room.

These recipes will make men look devoted to their spouse, or desirable to their girlfriend, without making them look dreamy to the guy named Leon that hosts all those shows on the Home Shopping Network. Men, if any of these recipes are overwhelming to you. You probably shouldnt be anywhere near cutlery, or an open flame in the kitchen in the first place.

If you feel this type of thing is below you, go back to scratching your privates with the spatula while eating pork rinds and watching sports every hour till youre completely ESPN esthetized! And rememberWill Farrell and Adam Sadler are comic geniuss, The boss is always right, and any woman that isnt instantly attracted to you, is no doubt a lesbian, or suffering from her monthly case of P.B.S. It should be noted; everything in this book is fact. Or based on fact, or has some aspect of fact in it, or could be considered fact by the ignorant, and uninformed.

Finally, this work may seem sexist, chauvinistic, or even homophobic. Well, in a few rare instances it is, but by presenting these things in a comedic vein, I hope to expose them for the stupid, mean spirited attitudes they truly are. If that offends you, throw this book away after you pay for it.

This has a lot of ingredients, but its simple and tasty. Basically, this has just four steps: cook the meat, chop the veggies, throw everything in a large pot, and cook it over low heat for a full hour. (Thats usually at the end of the second quarter).

Serve hot with some crusty whole wheat bread, and a glass of milk, thats right milk, remember chili & beer are a deadly combo! Mix beans & Bud and you might as well eat unidentifiable road-kill.

What youll need:

• 1 each yellow, green, and red bell peppers for color,
• 1 can of kidney, red plus 1 can refried beans for texture
• pound of burger
• pound ground Italian sausage.
• 1 8 oz box of chopped mushrooms,
• 1 can of cola,
• 1 can of tomato puree,
• 1 cup of brown sugar,
• 1 chopped red onion,
• 2 chopped tomatoes,
• 1 teaspoon salt and paprika (The teaspoons the small pointy one you use to stir your coffee with, when your fork is dirty.

Important ! Dont substitute beef jerky or Slim Jims for the ground beef.

Actually follow the measurements. Dont eyeball anything. This aint a truck trany youre repairing. Its a meal youll be eating.

WALDORF SALAD

Before you start whining, I realize its salad, but it taste good, and it has mayo, so it cant be all bad. This recipe is easier than a two piece jig saw puzzle. If you screw this up, burn the book, and claim it was stolen. On second thought, if you cant make this, you shouldnt be around matches. Just tell your spouse you never learned to read. Trust me, shell believe it.

What youll need:

• 3 apples,
• 5 celery stalks,
• lettuce and/or grapes (optional)
• cup chopped walnuts,
• cup raisins,
• cup cubed sharp cheddar,
• teaspoon each of salt, allspice, cinnamon
• cup of light Mayo

Chop everything, put it in a bowl, and put it in the fridge. Once its cold, cover it with a light Mayo, and refrigerate. Its ready to serve. If you want to punch it up, add a teaspoon of spicy mustard to the mayo.

IMPORTANT! If the mayo is dark yellow or brown, give it to an in-law you hate, and buy a new jar for yourself. If this confuses you, dont test it by tasting it. Follow this rule. If it smells like your underpants, toss it! Come to think of it. If your underpants are giving off a smell, toss them too.