Fedler Joanne - When Hungry, Eat: How One Womans Mission to Lose Weight Became a Journey of Discovery

Joanne Fedlers books have been published in the UK, Australia, Germany, Czechoslovakia, Croatia and South Africa. In 2008, Weiberabend (Secret Mothers Business) was on DerSpiegels bestseller list and has sold more than 150,000 copies worldwide. Joanne studied law at Yale and is a former womens rights advocate, counsellor of abused women, and CEO of a not-for-profit advocacy centre. She writes for Vogue, teaches life-writing classes and is a motivational speaker. Joanne has done work to raise money for abused women, breast cancer research and post-natal depression. She lives in Sydney with her husband and two children. You can visit her website at www.joannefedler.com.

Other titles by this author
The Dreamcloth (Jacana Media, 2005)
Secret Mothers Business (Allen & Unwin, 2006)
Things Without a Name (Allen & Unwin, 2008)

WHEN
HUNGRY,
EAT

Joanne Fedler

First published in 2010

Copyright Joanne Fedler 2010

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

Allen & Unwin
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Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia
Phone: (61 2) 8425 0100
Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218
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Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available
from the National Library of Australia
www.librariesaustralia.nla.gov.au

ISBN 978 1 74175 573 2

Set in 12/16 pt Bembo by Bookhouse, Sydney
Printed and bound in Australia by Griffin Press

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Contents

This book is for all those who feel lost and long to fit in

Authors note
or Why you should read this book
even if youre skinny

A utobiography is the verbal equivalent of streaking, and at my age there should probably be a law against that. What streakers fail to appreciate is that not everyone wants a close encounter with their uglies. Some people get astonishingly offended by nudity, especially if theres a bit of blubber involved. Unfortunately, a degree of exhibitionism is unavoidable when you write about your own life, an impulse perhaps most generously understood as the garrulous need to share ones neuroses with as large an audience as possible.

I love a good voyeuristic peek into other peoples lives just as much as the next person. Through the memoirs of mountain climbers and anthropologists whove lived with monkeys Ive picked up all sorts of useful parenting skills, even though I can assure you Ive no intention of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro nor of taking up residence with creatures who de-lice one another to pass the time.What Ive come to understand is that there are only so many steps in this human dance.The diverse details of a life dont divide us as much as the common insights unite us, which is why this story about a mother leaving her homeland and losing weight might interest you, even if youve never done either, or if motherhood is not your destiny for any reason, including a set of testicles.

By the time my fortieth birthday loomed, Id married, had two kids, left the country of my birth for another and picked up plenty of baggage along the path. I was long overdue for a spiritual spring-clean. But I couldnt very well take a year off to meditate in an ashram. Who was going to make the lunch boxes?

So instead, I opted for doing something about the fatty deposits on my rear end before they fossilised.

And thats where this story begins. Or so I thought.

I started a new eating plan of smaller portions and more mindful eating hoping to get thinner. But as my relationship with food began to slowly change, and the weight peeled off me, gram by obstinate gram, I was brought to a place of much greater hunger, as Laurens van der Post calls it, which had nothing to do with what I put in my mouth. What began as a mission to get back into a bikini became a pilgrimage towards acceptance, which was neither on my food list nor my itinerary.

To lose weight, give up a bad habit or leave something or someone behind, were forced to let go. When we start over we have to metabolise our loss and fit in again. I dont think it matters whether its a foreign culture, a new way of being, or size 10 pants.

A measure of hyperbole and caricature are to be expected when people sculpt their own stories. Though I have, to the best of my ability, been true and open about my own emotions, I owe the innocent people who are inadvertently major players in my life some privacy and respect. Consequently, some of the names in this book have been changed, and direct attributions camouflaged, to ensure these people will continue to talk to me. To each of them I extend my greatest love, thanks and respect for being part of the abundant feast of my life.

Joanne Fedler, Sydney 2010

1
The food fascist

Hunger pushes the hippopotamus out of the water.
LUO PROVERB

I wish Id never kept this appointment.

But regret has come too late. Ive just received some very bad news from a stick insect in a miniskirt: I am obese. Yes, that is the word she has chosen from an extensive treasury of adjectives to describe someone who is carrying a bit of extra weight, principally around the thighs, belly and buttocks. Obese is, Im hoping, dietician-speak for You could lose a few kilos.

Shes holding a kilojoule-counting book and a food diary in which, if I am Serious About Losing Weight, I must record every morsel that passes my lips, as if I were tagging evidence for a murder trial.

Apparently this is The Only Way. Do you or do you not want to lose weight? she asks. Shes not interested in any excuses. Shes heard them all. Her approach may be harsh but its effective. Shes not here to be my friend. Im so glad shes cleared that up.

To add to the indignity, I am to wear a pedometer and do 10,000 steps a day. Not one less. To boost my sluggish metabolism. I detest words like sluggish, which bring to mind mollusc-like inertia, and make a person feel akin to those flabby bits one is awfully keen to get rid of.