D. B. Stewart - Stand--up Comedy for the Absolute Beginner

Chapter 1: Am I funny?

Y es. If you are reading this, then I would venture to say you have made people laugh at some point in your life. Or better yet, someone in your life has told you "You should do stand-up."

There is a myth floating around that it's one thing to make your friends laugh but it's an entirely different thing to make a room full of strangers laugh.

Wrong.

At a comedy club or an open Mic night the audience is there to laugh. They want it. They need it. You just have to give it to them.

Being a stand-up is more than just being funny. That's just the start of it. The real trick is failing. Stand-up comedy is humor whittling. You have a great idea for a hilarious joke that you thought up when you were stoned with your friends. Now, in the sober light of a new day you have to figure out how to turn that hilarious anecdote into a joke that you can tell an audience and make them laugh.

That is where failure comes in.

You might get lucky on your first outing onstage and your joke works perfectly. Great. You have pulled a diamond out of your ass. More than likely though, you will hear crickets. Congratulations, you have Just bombed. Now embrace it. If you know your joke is funny, you probably just told it wrong. Embrace that bombing. Whittle away at that joke. Perfect it. In the following chapters I will show you how.

No joke is ever perfect.

On the other hand, if you have delivered the aforementioned ass diamond to your adoring audience, that joke isn't done either. That ass diamond is your savior. Your humor refill. Add to it until it is as close to perfect as you can get. Pull it out from between your cheeks after you've lost the audience with a groaner. A joke is never perfect.

Just remember, every comedian you've seen on stage has been perfecting those jokes over countless hours of bombing on the road and in tiny hovels to imperceptible audiences.

Failure and perseverance is the key. You want to bomb.

You love it.

Chapter 2: Where do you come up with your ideas?

T his is one of the stupidest questions you can ask a person. But it's a perfectly fine question to ask yourself. Because you are stupid. And you have no jokes.

Step 1. Watch some of your favorite comedians. Take note of their jokes. Literally take notes. You'll often hear comedians say something like, "I never listen to other comics."

The reasons they give? "I don't want to accidentally copy someone's jokes" "I'm sort of jaded after hearing so much comedy for years." "I'm a pompous weirdo who pretends he's only inspired by myself!"

Obviously the last answer is closest to the truth.

The fact of the matter is, a seasoned professional doesn't need to take too much advice or inspiration. But you do.

Watch. Your favorite comedian. Pause after they've given the setup. Try and think zof how you would deliver the punchline.

If you have joke writing on the brain, you'll find that watching your favorite comedians will give you inspiration for jokes totally unrelated to what they're saying.

Keep a notepad with you. If you tell a joke at work, go somewhere private and write that shot down. If you see a hilarious headline that gives you a giggle, write that shot down. If you get very high and think of something hilarious that probably won't be hilarious when you're sober, write that shot down. If your kid says something adorable, write that shot down.

Write down what's embarrassing about yourself. Write down what you would say about yourself if you were trying to be a dick to yourself.

Write it all down. There will be a gem in there.

Chapter 3: A little on joke structure.

N ow that you've got funny ideas, how do you write them.

Here is the secret.

I ntroduction. This is the setup before the setup. You don't want to confuse your audience so let them know what you're talking about before you go straight into the joke. If you're going to make a joke about sex toys, let the audience know "I went to the sex shop the other day". Let them know what they're in for.

The setup. This is the part where you build the audience expectation. The biggest way to get a laugh is surprise. Don't give away the punchline in the setup. There should be some misdirection here.

"I decided to buy myself a fleshlight. I have to admit, it feels amazing."

The punchline. Here's the laughs, (hopefully). Surprise them with what you're going to say next. "I'm worried that it's ruined me for having sex with a regular flashlight."

And the Tag line(s). These are basically extra punchlines to add to your joke and get more laughs. "And now I get horny every time the power goes out."

T here are other types of humor that go against the normal setup/punchline m.o.

Sometimes just saying something goofy gets laughs. Sometimes the setup is asking an audience member a question. The punchline is you making fun of their job.

Sometimes the punchline is just a knowing look or a silly face.

The only way to know what works is to try it and find out what works. In front of a crowd.

Which brings us to the next chapter...

Chapter 4: Where do I tell these jokes?

O pen Mic nights are your friend. I can't possible list the open Mic nights in your area because I am not stalking you, and because open Mic nights change ALL THE TIME. Your favorite place to tell jokes could be out of business next month.