Judy Carter - The Comedy Bible

BY THE SAME AUTHOR
Stand-Up Comedy: The Book

From Stand-up to Sitcom
the Comedy Writers Ultimate
How-to Guide

Judy Carter

FIRESIDE
Rockefeller Center
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 2001 by Judy Carter
All rights reserved,
including the right of reproduction
in whole or in part in any form.

F IRESIDE and colophon are registered trademarks
of Simon & Schuster Inc.

Designed by Ruth Lee

Manufactured in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Carter, Judy.

The comedy bible: from stand-up to sitcom: the comedy writers ultimate how-to-guide / Judy Carter.

p. cm.

1. Wit and humorAuthorship. 2. ComedyAuthorship. 3. Stand-up comedy. I. Title.

PN6149.A88 C37 2001

808.7dc21 2001032047

ISBN 0-7432-0125-6
eISBN 978-0-7432-1902-0

PHOTO CREDITS
Aaron Rapoport/HBO (top), Leslie Slavin (bottom): p. 34
Karin Martinez: p. 39
Susan Maljan: p. 54
David Steinberg: p. 72
Courtesy of The Drew Carey Show and Warner Bros.: p. 95
Richard Baker: p. 101
J. P. Williams (top), Pam Springstein (bottom): p. 107
Randy Holmes/FOX (bottom): p. 108
Joan Marcus: p. 216

It takes a lot of people to make a book like this happen, especially if the writer is someone who got a D in high school English.

Special thanks to:

Chuck Adams, my editor and friend, who by this time could headline at any comedy club. Jandy Nelson, my agent at Manus & Associates Literary Agency, who showed me that lunch with an agent could be a lot of fun, especially if you dont remember where youve parked your car.

Margot Black, for assisting in arranging interviews. Kathy Fielding, for transcribing everything, and Julie Gardner, for all her assistance in running comedy workshops and putting up with me when Im not so funny.

Ben Richardson, for your talent, jokes, commas, and breaking me out of a record-breaking writers block.

Gina Rubinstein, who next time will be more careful before saying, Sure, Ill give it a read.

All of my students, who taught me much more than I taught them.

The comedy professionals who contributed time and material to this bookBernie Brillstein, Bruce Hills, Bruce Smith, Carol Leifer, Cathy Ladman, Chris Adams, Chris Mazzilli, Christopher Titus, Cindy Chupack, Dean Lewis, Debbie Kasper, Delilah Romos, Diane Nichols, Ed Yeager, Ellen Sandler, Emily Levine, Gabe Adelson, George Wallace, Greg Proops, Irene Penn, Judi Brown, Kathy Griffen, Kathy Anderson, Leigh Fortier, Lilly Walters, Mark Travis, Michael Hanel, Michelle Marx, Phyllis Diller, Richard Jeni, Richard Lewis, Rob Lotterstein, Robin Roberts, Robin Schiff, Rocky LaPorte, Steve Marmel, Sue Kolinsky, Susan Leslie, Sybil Adelman Sage, T. J. Markwalter, Tim Bagley, Tom Dreeson, Tom Shadyac, Wendy Kamenoff.

In memory of

who made us all laugh and showed me
what was truly important

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.

Great opening linebut unfortunately, already been used. And thou shalt not steal material, especially from God. But then, thats an entirely different kind of bible, at least in most respects. What that Bible and this bible have in common is wisdom. Wanna learn how to love thy neighbor? Read that one. Wanna learn how to make thy neighbor laugh? Read this one. This version of the bible will show you how to discover your originality, craft it, and turn your sense of humor into a moneymaking comedy careerno joke! The Comedy Bibledont be funny without it.

If youre serious about comedy, then heres why you need this book:

Because you hear others say, Hey, youre funny, you should be a comedian.

Because you want to quit your day job and make money being funny.

Because you would like to turn those ideas jotted down on scraps of paper into sitcom scripts.

Because you think that youre as funny as the schmucks you see on TV.

Because sometimes when you see a new sitcom or hear a comic tell a joke you say, I thought of that!

Because you think people are stealing your comedy ideas, and youd do something about it but you cant get off the couch.

Some of the funniest people I know are waiting tables, cleaning houses, temping in offices, and whining about their lack of success while less gifted comics and writers are making millions. Why not you? No matter what your day job is now, you could make a living doing comedy, although very seldom does real success come over night.

Even the best comics started out doing something else. Jay Leno started out as an auto mechanic. The late, brilliant Sam Kenison was a Catholic priest before he started doing stand-up. Writer/producer Barry Kemp, Emmy-nominated writer of Taxi and producer/creator of Newhart and Coach, started as an insurance salesman in Phoenix. Rodney Dangerfield was selling house paint before he became famouswhich might be why he didnt get no respect.

If you have a talent for making people laugh, there are a lot of opportunities for fun and profit just waiting for you. And a person can make it in the funny business without ever getting onstage. Comics express themselves in many different ways. Many, of course, do get onstage, acting and doing stand-up, but others write sitcoms, screenplays, and songs, while others express themselves through cartoons, advertising, and more. People who know the craft of comedy writing are pursued and paid well for their talent. From politicians to manufacturers, everyone has got something to sell, and comedy sells it best. Its no wonder, then, that many politicians have a staff of comedy writers working for them so that they dont become big jokes themselves. They know also that ideas presented with humor become the sound bites that make the six oclock news. And of course, advertisers know that commercials that make a jaded TV audience laugh will move merchandise more effectively than any other method. Even Hallmark employs comedy writers to write their humorous cards.

Humor can even get you dates. Just look at the personal adssense of humor is the number one requirement of many people seeking a mate. But the big question is, how do you go from being one of the guys who gets drunk at parties and lights his farts to being a Jim Carrey, who gets paid over $50 million a year to light his farts?

After ten years of running comedy workshops, coaching over five thousand comics, and doing stand-up at thousands of events myself, I have developed an understanding of what it takes to be successful in comedyand it isnt luck, relatives in the business, or a boob job. Those things may get you in the door, but they arent going to make people laughunless, of course, it was a really bad boob job. What it takes to make it as a comic or as a comedy writer is a combination of talent and craft. If you have a gift for comedy, then I can show you how to shape your gift into the sort of funny that will get you noticed and paid. The proof? After taking my eight-week course, many beginning stand-up comics have been signed, often after their first performance, by some of the biggest and most powerful agents, managers, and studios. And some stand-up students who have gone on to become successful writers found that their scripts read more humorously and sold more easily because they could pitch funny.