Vatsyayana Banana - Sock monkey Kama Sutra: tantric sex positions for your naughty little monkey

We are born from socks, and thus we belong in pairs.

Vatsyayana Banana

In ancient times, sock monkeys lived for pleasure. They grew fruitful and multiplied, making sweet, heavy-knit love in toy stores, playrooms, and between the cushions of couches.

Amid this sensuous laundering period, Vatsyayana Banana, the revered sock monkey philosopher, documented the positions of tantric sex darning. Sock Monkey Kama Sutra, as the ancient text is now known, soon rose to fame and notoriety. In his wisdom, Vatsyayana Banana foresaw a day when future sock monkeys would need to relearn these lessonswhen they would lose touch with their sexuality, turning away from the erotic static cling that held them together.

Indeed, sock monkeys the world over now suffer from the constraints of a puritanical society. They spend their lives as playthings for children, giving no thought to their own needs. This edition of Sock Monkey Kama Sutra will help all these creatures recapture their primal, stuffed nature. It is the definitive work on how sock monkeys should practice the art of loveno matter their race, creed, or style. From dress to bobby sock, nylon to cotton, Sock Monkey Kama Sutra gives these playful stuffed toys the naughty knowledge they need.

It is time for all sock monkeys to cast off their inhibitions and break free of the yarn that binds them. With this printing of Sock Monkey Kama Sutra, complete with vivid, unabashed photographs, readers will finally be able to get in touch with the wild, plush animal within.

This tantric position aligns the sock monkeys chakras. It is sure to ignite a lust as strong as a water-resistant army sock.

The sock couple lies down on their backs with the soles of their feet touching, holding their legs in the crooks of their paws. Bent like sock crabs, their pleasure soars as they push against each other to thrust into their most secret of seams.

While the boy sock monkey lies on his back, the girl sock monkey sits above him with her legs crossed and her spine straight, as if newly ironed.

This is a challenging positionthe girl sock monkey must be firmly stuffed if she is to enjoy the pleasures of the Foot Yoke without losing her balance or her stuffing.

The name of this position is derived from the sacred connection that the girl sock monkey is making with her foot to the boy sock monkeys knitted heart. This connects them and binds the love and otherworldliness of their sexual union.

FROM THE ANCIENT TEXT:

The girl sock monkey has one foot on the boy monkeys heart and the other on the bed. This is a posture for the daring, bold-patterned sock monkey, and it is known to provide pleasure as deep as a knee sock is long.

FROM THE ANCIENT TEXT:

When one of the girl sock monkeys legs is placed on the boy sock monkeys head, or near it, and the other is stretched out, it is called the Fixing of a Nail. It is learnt only by practice.

This is a difficult posture and one that should not be forced, but worked into naturally. The girl sock monkey may begin with her leg bent up to the boy sock monkeys tail. She may then slowly straighten her knee until her foot rests on the brim of her sock lovers hat.

Like the bird that it was named for, this position puts the girl sock monkeys beauty on full display.

Seated, the boy sock monkey invites the girl sock monkey to rest upon his argyle thighs. The girl sock monkey raises one foot to point vertically over her head and steadies it with her paws, offering up her secret seam for lovemaking.

This is a loving position that would warm even the coldest foot.

In this position, the boy sock monkey sits cross-legged on the bed or floor. The girl sock monkey sits astride him, with her legs wrapped around him and the soles of her feet coming together behind his back.

As the sock monkey lovers sit upon each otherface-to-face and heart-to-heartthey are able to keep eye contact, kiss, and caress each others stitching.

Sock monkeys who do yoga may recognize the girl sock monkeys position as childs pose. The Elephant is anything but childlike, howeverand is certainly not playroom friendly.

This is an excellent position for long bouts of tantric love. The comfort and ease that the girl monkey will find is sure to keep her enthusiasm going for hours, as both partners take turns unraveling with pleasure.

Spread underneath her lover like a toy beneath a childs bed, the girl sock monkey keeps her thighs wide apart and bends her legs at the knee, taking in her partner like a socked foot into a boot.

This is a vulnerable position for most girl sock monkeys. Boy sock monkeys should begin gently, taking care not to stretch their partners fabric.

FROM THE ANCIENT TEXT:

The lovers limbs intertwine, darned together like the tendrils of a fragrant jasmine vine, or two socks twisting in a dryer. Their bodies grow taut and then baggy in the gentle rhythm of pleasure.

For this position, the sock monkey lovers lie down and face opposite directions. Their legs should cut each other, as fabric scissors cut a socks heel into a sock monkeys sensuous mouth.

FROM THE ANCIENT TEXT:

When a girl sock monkey stands on her hands and feet, and her lover mounts her like a powerful sock bull, it is called the Congress of the Cow.

It may be difficult for the girl sock monkey to keep her balance in this position. It is important that her partner supports himself by holding her tail with both paws, thus keeping the girl sock monkey upright as he thrusts.