Mildred Muhammad - Scared Silent

THE MILDRED MUHAMMAD STORY
SCARED SILENT

WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE...BECOMES THE ONE YOU FEAR

A Memoir

WHEN THE ONE YOU LOVE...BECOMES THE ONE YOU FEAR

A Memoir

MILDRED MUHAMMAD

Strebor Books
P.O. Box 6505
Largo, MD 20792
http://www.streborbooks.com
www.SimonandSchuster.com

This book is a work of nonfiction. Some of the names have been changed to protect the privacy of certain individuals.

2009 by Mildred D. Muhammad

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means whatsoever. For information address Strebor Books, P.O. Box 6505, Largo, MD 20792.

ISBN 978-1-59309-241-2
eISBN-13 978-1-4165-9710-0
LCCN 2009927608

First Strebor Books trade paperback edition October 2009

Cover design: www.mariondesigns.com
Cover photograph: Keith Saunders/Marion Designs

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Manufactured in the United States of America

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THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO MY CHILDREN, JOHN, SALENA, AND TAALIBAH
SO THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS KNOW THE TRUTH.

You dont have to have physical scars to be a victim or survivor of domestic violence.

To the victims and survivors of domestic violence

There is one suggestion that I would give to you. That is to stop re-acting and start acting. You know your abuser better than anyone. Rely on what you know and use it to your benefit. Follow your spirit, it will not lead you astray. Pray and ask God for guidance. Ask Him to put people and resources in place to help you. He will do it!!!

You should complete the safety plan in this book, which will help you to decide when to leave. Only YOU will know when that time is. Dont be afraid. Seek help from your local coalition. They have information regarding other organizations that can assist you.

The 24-hour National Hotline for Domestic Violence is 1-800-799-SAFE

Always remember it is NOT your fault and it is never too late to stand up for yourself! However, be wise, strategic, and careful

If you want to contact meMildred@afterthetrauma.org. I will respond as soon as I receive your email. Our conversations will be confidential.

MILDRED D. MUHAMMAD

First and foremost, I thank Almighty God, Allah, for bringing me and my children safely through. Thank You, Lord, for putting people (angels) and resources in place to help us along the way. It is by Your grace and mercy that we are here today.

To my children, John, Salena and Taalibah, to whom Ive dedicated this book. Thank you for your love, your encouragement, your kindness...it was, has been, and continues to be my motivating strength to persevere. And to the new additions to my familymy husband, Reuben, and his children, Asaad, Omar, Jabril, Isa and Yusef...thank you for having the strength to be in my life. Youve allowed me to trust and believe in love again.

To my mother...although you are no longer with me, Ive felt your presence and love through it all.

To my sister, Adele (Maisha), and her husband, Chester Moses (who recently passed), thank you for allowing us to live with you and for your support.

To the Nation of Islamthank you for your support. I am grateful for the teachings of the Honorable Elijah Muhammad, as taught by Minister Louis Farrakhan, which has sustained me throughout my life. I believe that I am of sound mind, body and spirit because of the teachings.

There are so many people who have helped me along the way, and for whom I am extremely grateful. Those who were in my life during the very difficult times of my marriage, its subsequent divorce, and the abduction of my children. I could not begin to pen all of the names, but know that I sincerely appreciated your helpwhether you extended an understanding ear, provided me with sound advice, money, a sympathetic hug, or a compassionate prayer. Your kindness was more than heartfelt...it changed my life.

My longtime friends...Stanley and Pamela Barnes and Isa Nichols, you believed me when others didnt, in spite of what John said or did. Thank you for supporting me. Olivia Muhammad, you have been more than a friend to me, youve been my sister along the way and even to this day. Thank you for understanding, supporting, and praying with me. Above all, when circumstances became really tight, you didnt turn your back on me. Thank you!

To the Phoebe House and Staffwhen I was at my lowest point, I had a place to lay my head, to gain my strength, to have friendships and to understand my struggle. I was nurtured, loved and given lifelong lessons that I continue to use to this day. I will always remember my experience there and take you in my heart. It was at the Phoebe House where I found my mission, my purpose in lifeto start my organization, After The Trauma, which assists survivors of domestic violence.

To Monique Maye, my friend and attorney of Barnes & Maye Marketing. Youve devoted countless hours representing me and my children. Youve ensured we were treated fairly. Thank you for all that youve done.

To the staff of the YWCA, Deputy Roger Ward, Detective Whatcom, and all of the unknown names of those in law enforcement who assisted me and my children...Thank you! You helped me and my children to be together again.

To Monvelia Blair, thank you for the tools given to me during our counseling sessions in Tacoma. I still use them to this day.

To the victims families and survivors of this terrible crime, my family and I pray for your continued healing.

To Audra Barrett, my literary agent. I am so grateful to you for taking my story into your spirit and helping me to find a publisher. You have become my friend. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me throughout this process.

To my writing partners, youve captured the essence of my voice and exposed the details of my life that needed to be told. Thank you for sharing your gift of the written word to bring my story to light.

To my publisher and editor, Zane, and my publishing director, Charmaine, thank you for believing in my story. I am truly humbled and grateful for this opportunity you are blessing me with.

To Norma Harley, of the Sherriffs Office in Maryland, you gave me my first opportunity to share my story. Thank you for your continued support for me and my organization, After The Trauma.

To the Economic Development and Training Institute and staff, thank you for allowing me to operate my organization, After The Trauma, in your facility. And for your ongoing support in assisting me with victims and survivors of domestic violence. Thank you for your continued support personally as well as professionally.

And to those who asked me to share my whole story, thank you for your encouragement. Writing my story has empowered me and helped me to realize my own strength. It has also allowed me to recognize how far Ive come through that experience. I hope and pray that I have been an encouragement to you.

I could not believe this was happening. The man I married, the man that fathered my children, could not be capable of such a thing. I sat in a hotel room riveted to the television set as images of John flashed across the screen. It was surreal. I walked up to the TV, put my hand on the screenand whispered, What happened to you?