Stacey Solomon - Happily Imperfect: Living life your own way

Thorsons

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First published by Thorsons 2019

FIRST EDITION

Stacey Solomon 2019

Cover photograph Jay Brooks 2019

Cover layout design HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2019

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Stacey Solomon asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008321017

Ebook Edition March 2019 ISBN: 9780008322908

Version: 2019-02-05

Thank you to Joe and all of the incredible boys in our life.

Essex Girl: A type of young woman, supposedly to be found in and around Essex, and variously characterized as unintelligent, promiscuous and materialistic.

Oxford Living Dictionaries

Labels. We all have them, dont we? Theyre the reason Im writing this book. Im wildly, wonderfully imperfect, and my label as an Essex Girl proves it.

Am I an Essex Girl?

Absolutely!

Do I fit the stereotype?

Absolutely not! Theres so much more to people than the labels were given, and I want to share how I stay positive, how much I love my life, and how flawed yet happy I am, hence the title Happily Imperfect. This is how I am, and how I try to be, even when things feel less than ideal.

Im far from perfect. I make mistakes, and thats okay in fact, its brilliant! This is the imperfect way I live my life: I love my work and revel in my family and community. I want to share how I stay positive, and show you how I deal with lifes ups and downs. Ill be giving you completely imperfect advice, telling you what helps me in the hope that it helps you too. Your life doesnt have to be perfect far from it. You dont need to be, look or even act a certain way to be happy.

Im going to celebrate all of my imperfections, and there are plenty of them! Im a smother (Smothering Mummy, as my boys call me), a buffoon of a girlfriend, a fairly idiotic daughter, and Im incredibly lucky to be a telly personality too. It all goes to show that theres no right or wrong way to live wa-hoo!

Take from this book what you will. There is no single way to do things. I havent been through major trauma: I just want to share my journey with you, so that you know the real me, the unfiltered me, the far-from-perfect me. I want to pull open the curtain of celebrity because the people on your screens are just that: people exactly like you. Theyre no better or worse than anyone else. Im passionate about breaking down barriers of all kinds class, race, sexuality, whatever else holds people back or separates us. Were all human. Lets give ourselves a flippin break from judging others and most importantly ourselves.

Lets go on annual leave from being told how to look, what to wear and who to be. Lets say thanks but no thanks to the advertisers and social media telling us how to do or be anything. We dont need to be thinner, richer, younger (!) or have a cut-glass accent. Those things dont make you special to others. You being the only you is the single most important thing that makes you stand out from the crowd. What a boring time wed be having if everyone was the same.

Sometimes labels overshadow our talents. I was lucky enough that that wasnt the case when I stepped onto the X Factor stage. I was last in the queue of thousands. Id been waiting in an audition room packed with people until there was no one left except me, Zach and Mum. You can imagine what I looked like after spending sixteen hours in that space with my one-year-old. There was sick on my Converse trainers. My hair had been pulled every which way, and I wondered if I would ever actually get up there in front of the judges.

When they finally called my name, there was a rush of Oh, my gosh, this is really happening! My heart was pounding and my mouth was as dry as if Id eaten a bowl of sand. I felt my lips roll up like a blind they literally curled up. I was so scared that the words of my song seemed to have vanished from my brain.

Standing there in front of the four people who would determine what happened next in my life, and the huge audience, I opened my mouth. Although the judges were surprised when they heard the girl from Dagenhams singing voice, the stereotypes didnt affect the opinions of Simon Cowell and the other panellists: Dannii Minogue, Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole.

In the moment when all four gave me the thumbs-up, I realized I didnt need to be perfect: I just needed to be me. Phew! I didnt have to waste my energy trying to be someone Im not. Just then it was truly amazing to be me: Stacey Solomon, X Factor contestant, ex fish-and-chip-shop worker, single teenage mum. Just me.

By being totally myself, I hope I can encourage others to be themselves. The prejudice Ive faced in my life has often pushed me in the direction Ive needed to go. When I was labelled a single mum, when people tutted at me breastfeeding Zach on the bus aged eighteen, I used that feeling to drive me forward, to make a success of myself, pay my taxes and be a good mum.

When people said Id never make anything of myself because I had a baby, I wanted to prove them wrong. I have a rebellious side, which was often seen as negative when I was growing up, but it worked in my favour. It can work in yours too. If you feel like you dont fit, like other people cant see how incredible you are, choose who you want to be, and prove them all wrong.

We dont have to be incredible, amazing or plain fabulous all the time. That would be draining. I try to look at the positive in each situation, and over time, Ive found it the easiest way to be. Ive discovered its much easier to let go (most of the time!). Getting angry or frustrated uses energy I could be channelling into making life better.

Happiness has become my neutral state. When I smile, act in a friendly or kind way, I feel Im owning my state of mind, regardless of what somebody wants to say or do to me. Im more in control of how I react. When Im confronted with a tricky situation, I try to ask myself, Is it worth getting angry over this? It almost never is. But, of course, there are times when I need to stand up for myself, and certain situations in which anger and grief are necessary. Life isnt always about smiling.

Every day I wake up alive and healthy, I feel Im a winner. I feel privileged to be here on this amazing planet, but things dont always go to plan. Stuff happens. Life throws a curveball. Thats when trying to see the glass as half full can help. Its helped me through a few challenging times.

Choosing to see the positive isnt always easy.

I find it extremely hard every time I go to Romfords Queens Hospital childrens ward, where my sister works, where I act silly to entertain the children. While Im with them, Im thinking those kids shouldnt have to be there: they should be outside playing, but life doesnt always go that way. And it often strikes me that many of the children are the happiest, most positive humans Ive ever met. There are some things you cannot change, so I try to focus on the amazing work the doctors and nurses do, the love and dedication of the parents and the resilience of the children. I walk out more aware of how extremely lucky I am to have healthy boys. It brings real perspective to everything.