Jordan - Joys of War: From the Foreign Legion, the SAS and into Hell with PTSD

Joys of War

From the Foreign Legion and the SAS, and into Hell with PTSD

John-Paul Jordan

First published in Great Britain in 2018 by

Pen & Sword Military

An imprint of

Pen & Sword Books Ltd

Yorkshire - Philadelphia

Copyright John-Paul Jordan, 2018

ISBN 978 1 52674 314 5

eISBN 978 1 52674 315 2

Mobi ISBN 978 1 52674 316 9

The right of John-Paul Jordan to be identified as Author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is

available from the British Library.

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How does one acknowledge such a vast array of travel and interconnections with an abundance of people and places? I can start by humbly saying thank you for still being here. Firstly, to the spirit within for never giving up, even when mind and body had lost the fight. To my beautiful children, my guardian angels, Sonny and Ruby. If that picture of you had not been brought to me while I was unconscious, sadly I would have just being another statistic. To Indi and family in the UK and my family in Ireland, thank you for your prayers and help. It wasnt an easy journey, even before illness, having a child/brother/friend and husband with a way of life in war; the sleepless nights and worry.

There are so many others to mention, and I thank all for every part you have played and continue to play. To the kindness of strangers and the patience of friends and family. For this book, my editor Linsey Hague for her support, advice and eye for detail, and for helping me through some of the problematic editorial processes with vision and integrity. Thank you also to Pamela Covey for her editorial prowess in the later stages of completing this books editing journey.

I am thankful for the guidance and opportunities bestowed upon me from Helen Lewis and the team at Literally PR , whose ideas looked at many aspects of the book from different points of view. I am very fortunate to have Helen as my agent, also. To Heather Williams and Tara Moran at Pen and Sword for all their assistance and hard work.

To all those I have met, many of whom have become friends in my journey, and which for various reasons I cannot mention them all. However, you all know who you are and so thank you for your help. I would like to thank Tony Gibson for his support and guidance throughout my recovery, and Kyra Dobson for her generosity of spirit and understanding, inspiring the best of me from the moment I put pen to paper.

To those I have fought and served along side. Thank you for being there in battle and for your courage; it is an honour and a privilege to go into battle together. And to those on the receiving end of the battlefield, thank you also for your conviction to stand and fight; I respect your courage.

To those still in the trenches; do not lose hope. Victory may seem a distant memory, but this is the battle that counts the most. Many of you have not been to war, but that war can be an inner conflict. Your pain, your suffering is no less, neither are your wounds from your own battles. It matters not how war found us, what matters most is how we find peace, and what life we make from our peace.

Last by no means least, I thank the universe for always delivering what I asked for, whether I liked it or not. Enjoy.

Wow. I cant believe it; this moment is emotional. Thank you for having the insight and instinct to read my story or, to be more accurate, our story. This book is the culmination of an extraordinary journey of every human emotion possible. For quite some time, even in the heat of the madness, in my mind I knew I had something driving me on. Call it destiny, fate, karma, my duty, whatever. I knew my story could and will help other veterans find peace. How do I know this, you may ask? Well, I never listened to the docs, the shrinks, the nurses or any other pen-pushing idiot who had the honour of working me over when I returned from war. Why didnt I listen? Simply because I couldnt identify with them. I felt no connection with their souls. They had not been to war. They had not taken life. They had not watched it ebb from young lads faces, boys butchered by IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices). They were speaking from what they had read in a textbook. My friend, we actually live it, breathe it: it runs through our blood on a daily basis. I would not listen to them because they would not listen to me. You know that feeling: that frustrated, punching, crying feeling, as though you were the muse for the Edvard Munch painting, The Scream . Well, the good news is that you can burn that image now. Finally theres somebody who also knows your story. What we both want and need, and above all else deserve, is peace. Peace, my friend. Peace of mind, peace of body, peace of soul, peace of life. I liken it to waking up again and being glad youre alive. Sounds simple? But stay with me. I dont expect you to be convinced so soon. If I were reading this, Id say get lost. But first, let me tell you about me. You can be the judge of my credentials for finding a way out of war, and into peace.

Jesus, where the hell do I begin? The circumstances of my upbringing to the path life has taken me may seem irrelevant and yet the dots can only be joined by looking back. I truly believe that I was destined to get to this point. The why is yet to entirely unfold, but time takes time. You too have reached this point for a reason. The fact that you are still standing, still fighting, still breathing tells you that your spirit hasnt given up. What your dream or destiny is only you can discover. I sincerely hope, and I have the utmost faith in you and myself, that what I am writing to you, and what you are reading from me, is not a book but a letter about the wars of life, not just on the physical battlefield but in the battlefield of the mind. Though our individual paths may differ, we share similarities: the ups and downs, the emotions to which life has exposed us as we move through our experiences. For too long weve been prisoners of war in our own minds, unable to see an escape route, bruised and battered, weathered and stormed, unable to peer through the darkness of our cells to see the light that will give us hope, let us escape. Yet, if pursued with faith, belief and courage, victory also remains and is still there for the taking. Were you beaten on the battlefield? Never, my friend. Are we going to be beaten on this battlefield against a system of thought? Never. We cant fight the system but we can replace it with a better system and then the old system becomes obsolete. Okay, so better get yourself comfortable; I dont do anything in half measures.