Streitmatter - Outlaw marriages: the hidden histories of fifteen extraordinary same-sex couples

Beacon Press, Boston

Revolutionizing American Poetry

Opening Graduate Education to American Women

Building the Collections of Americas Art Museums

Breaking New Ground in Social Reform and Global Peace

Founding the Field of Interior Design

Taking the Art of Illustration to a New Level

Expanding the Dimensions of American Literature

Pioneering a New Style of Journalism

Making Hollywood the Celebrity Capital of the World

Inventing a Distinctly American Style of Music

Lifting American Theater to New Heights

Attacking Racism through Literature

Expanding the Definition of Art

Turning Literary Works into Sumptuous Films

Raising a Voice for Women of Color

Beacon Press

25 Beacon Street

Boston, Massachusetts 02108-2892

www.beacon.org

Beacon Press books

are published under the auspices of

the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations.

2012 by Rodger Streitmatter

All rights reserved

Printed in the United States of America

15 14 13 12 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book is printed on acid-free paper that meets the uncoated paper ANSI/NISO specifications for permanence as revised in 1992.

Text design by Wilsted & Taylor Publishing Services

For photo credits and permissions, please see Photography/Illustration Credits on page 211.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Streitmatter, Rodger.

Outlaw marriages : the hidden histories of fifteen extraordinary same-sex couples / by Rodger Streitmatter.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-8070-0334-3 (alk. paper)

E-ISBN 978-0-8070-0335-0

1. Same-sex marriageUnited States. I. Title.

HQ1034.U5S77 2012

306.848dc23 2011048309

The couples who come to life in the following chapters were social insurgents. That is, each pair of men and each pair of women defied the social order by creating sub-rosa same-sex marriages long before such relationships were legally sanctioned.

Tennessee Williams and Frank Merlo, for example, began their outlaw marriage in 1948spending every day and night together, while loving and supporting each other to a degree fully comparable to that of any husband and wife. Their partnership continued until Merlo died of cancer in 1963.

Outlaw Marriages tells Williams and Merlos story, along with those of fourteen other same-sex couples who combined their lives either as husband and husband or wife and wife during eras when no legal institution and no church approved of such a union.

The other trait that these renegade couples have in common is that they all fully qualify as, in a word, extraordinary.

In many instances, that powerful adjective fits because of the remarkable contributions a particular couple made to the culturethe fields ranging from literature to modern art to filmmaking. The achievements of other couples include opening graduate education to American women and pioneering a new form of journalism in the pages of the New Yorker magazine.

With Williams and Merlo, their gift was creating some of the most memorable plays in the history of American theater. Williams was addicted to drugs and promiscuity when he met the rock-solid Merlo. The World War II vet then saw to it that the playwright regained his emotional and physical equilibrium, allowing him to write such theatrical masterpieces as the Pulitzer Prizewinning Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

A few of the other extraordinary contributions that unfold in this book are

• Walt Whitman and Peter Doyle reinventing American poetry
• Jane Addams and Mary Rozet Smith revolutionizing the field of social work
• Greta Garbo and Mercedes de Acosta taking the lead in transforming Hollywood into the celebrity capital of the world

When reading the statements above, you probably recognized only one of the two names in the pairings. Thats because the achievements of one partner often became widely known, while those of the other partner stayed hiddenuntil the publication of this book.

Outlaw Marriages is an apt title on two levels.

First, all fifteen couples created unions that defied the laws and mores of their day. Many of these de facto partnerships survived and thrived, despite their lack of support by church or state, for thirty or forty yearsin some cases, fifty.

Second, these couples flouted convention. Aaron Copland was thirty-two years old when he met and instantly fell in love with a drop-dead gorgeous violinist named Victor Kraft, who was only seventeen. The composers friends and family didnt take the relationship seriously, convinced the couple wouldnt survive the dramatic age difference. Copland and Kraft proved them wrong. The men not only stayed together but also jointly created a distinctly American style of music that critics today, eighty years later, are still praising.

That the couples were willing to bend the marital rules doesnt mean they all succeeded in creating relationships that were made in heavenfar from it. A regrettable scenario that plays out in several chapters begins with the lesser-known partner being absolutely essential to the better-known partners rise to success, but then the high-achieving partner getting what might be called the twenty-year itch. Martha Carey Thomas set the standard back in the 1890s, summarily dumping her partner of two decades, Mamie Gwinn, for another woman. Janet Flanner went a similar route in the 1930s, as did Audre Lorde in the 1980s.

In the instances listed above as well as in others where the outlaw marriage eventually falls apart, readers hear the whole storywhich typically includes infidelity, deceit, and betrayal. These unfortunate factors are revealed in full detail, as theyre the realities that often confront any long-term relationship, gay or straight.

To help the various outlaw marriages come alive in the readers mind, Ive included photos of all fifteen couples. Tracking down these images was often a challenge, especially in the instances when one or both members of a coupleas with Greta Garbo and Mercedes de Acostadidnt publicly acknowledge their relationship. And so, in some cases, Ive had to use two separate photos of the partners, since a single photo of them together either didnt exist or wasnt available. There are also instancesas with Jane Addams and Mary Rozet Smithwhen Ive used a photo of poor quality because it shows the partners together, even though higher-quality photos of the two individuals separately could have been used.

Whether a chapter begins with a single image or a pair of them, each story that follows is a page-turner. Sometimes the most compelling element in it is the contribution the couple made; other times, its the internal dynamics of their relationship. But one theme runs through them all:

Two people joining together to create an outlaw marriage plays a central role not only in the couples extraordinary achievements, but also in each individual partners very being.