Chamberlain - Shattered Love: A Memoir

I grew up in a single-story house, somewhat Mediterranean in style, fronted by a patio with high, thick walls. The outside wall met the house in an upward curve that formed a comfortable backrest for little kids like me who liked to sit on walls. Inside this corner an old ornamental walnut tree spread its branches over the terra-cotta tile roof, keeping the dining room cool.

As kids, we often climbed this nonproducing tree and charged around the patio walls and roof like demented monkeys, terrifying my mother, who would run out and urge us down to safer ground.

One hot afternoon, during summer vacation from grammar school, I wandered in the yard looking for something to do. None of my pals seemed to be around, and I was bored. For want of a better idea I climbed the walnut tree and sat on the wall, leaning back against the restful curve. A light summer breeze ruffled the leaves as I watched the occasional car or pedestrian pass on the street. I gazed up at the overhanging branches and hoped some of our local feathered friendsmockingbirds, blue jays, and doveswould come to visit me.

As I sat there motionless, something absolutely new happened to me. I was filled with total stillness. It was almost as if I wasnt even breathing, almost as if Id become part of the wall, part of the tree. And in this stillness I was observing everything around me with complete neutrality, with no thought at all. There seemed to be observation, but no observer.

I dont know how long this lastedprobably not more than half an hour, possibly less. I did not know what was happening to me. I only know that my thinking went silent, and my sense of self disappeared. I experienced absolute simplicity and peace.

Of course I couldnt have described any of this at the time. At seven I had no context, no knowledge that would have allowed me to name and understand what was happening. I simply felt a vibrant, alert peace, and I loved the feeling.

I had no urge to talk about this experience with my parents or friends. But I did very much want it, whatever it was, to come back.

Several times after this magical day I climbed up and sat in the same place on the wall hoping to repeat the mysterious experience. It didnt come again. That is, it didnt come again in quite that way until a few days ago, over sixty years later.