Stephanie Nimmo - Was This in the Plan?

This edition published in Great Britain by Hashtag Press 2017

Text copyright Stephanie Nimmo 2017

Copyright Cover illustration Helen Braid 2017

Cover Design Jem Butcher 2017

The moral right of the author has been asserted

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, not be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

A CIP catalogue for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN 978-0-9957806-2-0
eBook ISBN 978-0-9957806-3-7

Typeset in Garamond Classic 11.25/14 by Blaze Typesetting

Printed in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, St Ives plc

HASHTAG PRESS BOOKS

Hashtag Press Ltd

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For Andy

My love and thanks

To our parents and our Scottish and Welsh families. To our friends, all over the world, who have walked our path with us for many years.

To my friends who I call on in a crisis, you know who you are. You are my avengers; you women sustain me and without you I dont know how I would cope.

To the class of 86it took me a long time to realise that our time together gave me the resilience to be the person I am today.

To the Doctors, Nurses, Carers, Therapists, Administrators and Support Staff we have met on the waythank you for making a difference.

To the Social Care teamsthank you for fighting my corner.

To the Educators, the SenCos, the counsellors and therapiststhank you for never giving up.

To everyone at Shooting Star Chasethank you for walking our path with us.

To all the other warrior mothers and fathers and carers out thereI hope I have helped shine a light on our world.

To the people who have been part of our story: Janet Swain, Simon Bell, Marion Germain, Alison Bourne, John Nimmo, Sam Carlisle, Sarah Collins, Niki & Steve Brown, Lynne & Phil Wilkins, Thijs & AnneMarie, Astrid & Edwin, Gary Elden and everyone at Sthree past and present, Keith Southern, Lee Grantham, Alex MacLeod, Scott Ransome, Jon & Suzanne, Jon & Fiona, Chris & Sue, Peter Serafinowitz, Benedict Wong, Helen Linehan, Gaby Skolnek and Jo Whiley.

For helping me shape this story into something people might actually want to read; Helen & Abiola at Hashtag, Jemima Hunt and Sam Carlisle.

Most of all I want to thank my
incredible family:
Andy, Theo, Xanthe, Jules and Daisy.
I am me because of you.
Thank you.

Its times like these you learn to live again

Its times like these you give and give again

Its times like these you learn to love again

Its times like these time and time again

- Foo Fighters

By Jo Whiley, Radio DJ and Television Presenter

No one has taught me more to relish life than Steph. I first heard from her via a tweet shed sent me. I get many tweets so Ive no idea why I replied to her. Shed written to me asking if I could help her fulfil her husband Andys bucket list. He wanted to see the Foo Fighters at potentially his final Glastonbury and if possible meet the band who hed long-time worshipped from afar.

I began to check that Stephs message was bona fide and my research lead me to her blog and the title of this bookWas This in the Plan?. I remember feeling a connection instantly. Steph and Andy had four children whom they plainly adored. They were formidable characters with a robust sense of humour, they were HUGE music fans and they lived life to the full. But their life was complicated. And then some.

Daisy had extremely complex needs and a life limiting condition. Andy had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and Steph had no choice but to juggle caring for both of them with being Mum to Xanthe, Theo and Jules. The least I could do was engineer a meeting with a rock band. Thankfully Andy got to meet Dave Grohl who was as epic as Andy wanted him to be and didnt let him down. Phew! From that point on our lives became entwined.

First of all we tweeted, then we texted, and finally we met up and ate cake in a fancy London department store where we got on brilliantly, as I knew we would. I have a sister with learning difficulties so I knew something of Daisys world. Both Daisy and my sister Frances would occasionally surprise strangers with a hefty thump for no apparent reason #awkward.

My mum has always been a warrior and I recognised this in Steph. A wife, mother and campaigner who will stop at nothing to care for the people she loves and to make every day count. By sharing her familys story, Steph speaks to others who are dealing with their own challenges and personal tragedies. Showing us that no matter what life throws at you, there is an inner strength within us all and that as painful as it can be at times, life is there to be lived to the full.

What has happened to Steph is mind-bogglingly heart-breaking or as Steph puts it succinctly, its just monumentally shit. Its been a privilege to get to know the Nimmo family. Theyve changed my perspective of life and death. I now have a much greater appreciation and understanding of both. Steph has spoken of the ripples that Daisy left behind, how she touched so many peoples lives and this is undeniably true. But its also true of Steph and she should know that.

Shes a crazy, crusading, running, swimming, music-loving, gin-swigging lady. Whats not to love and admire?

Theres a problem with this machine. Im just going to get someone.

We were at the hospital for our early dating scan for Nimmo Baby Number Four. Id not been able to shake off the feeling of wanting one more, to round off the family, to even out the numbers. Four children would complete us; we had always said we wanted a big family, after all, my husband, Andy, didnt need much persuading. If we had really thought things through, we would have stopped at twobut despite the chaos and the ever-increasing laundry mountain, we loved having children and didnt want it to stop, at least not yet.

When Andy and I first discussed starting a family we thought it would take twelve months or more to conceive and so we decided to have a year of fun, travelling and going to exotic places while we tried. But then I fell pregnant within the month, which put our plans to travel to India and Sri Lanka on hold. Instead, we had an extended trip along the north and west French coasts, taking in the D-Day landing beaches in Normandy, eating crpes in Brittany, photographing the sunflower fields in the Vende and visiting the cognac factories in Charente-Maritime.

It was on a return holiday with the children in Normandy a few years later that I found out I was pregnant again. Our family of five was to become six. By now we thought we had the whole pregnancy and birth thing down to a fine art.

I was planning another home water birth and wanted to have as little to do with this hospital and medical stuff as possible. We only needed to go there for the scans and antenatal clinics and that suited me.

The doctor returned, accompanied by a nurse. What we didnt know then was that this was a very special nurse. This was the nurse only a few people met, the nurse who came to speak to you when an anomaly was detected on the ultrasound scan.