Gerry Pelser - Chronicles of a Reluctant Widower: A Memoir on Love, Death, and Life

Gerry Pelser

A Memoir on Love, Death, & Life.

Copyright 2021 Gerry Pelser

All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in any retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means; electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of the publisher and/or writer.

For permission requests, email bookrights@gerrypelser.com

First printing , 2021

Kindle ISBN: 979-8-9851996-1-1

Amazon ASN: B09MJC994Q

Cover design, layout, & photography: Gerry Pelser - www.gerry.co.za

I also need to eat - please dont steal or copy my book.

Thanks,

-Gerry

A portion of the profits of this book will be donated to breast cancer research.

Play with boobs. It may save a life.

This book is dedicated to

Prof Dr Carol-Ann Benn

&

Dr Ronwyn van Eeden

The women who give unwilling superheroes their capes.

He who laughs at himself, never runs out of things to laugh at.

- Epictetus

What cannot be said, will be wept.

- Sappho

Table of Contents.

Note from the Editor.

Dear Reader,

Its me, Tamsyn. Otherwise known as the editor. Since you decided to pick up this book, and Im thrilled that you have, I figured we should have a wee chat before you dive in. In the grand scheme of things, how this manuscript landed in my hands is of little importance, but what does matter is that it did. What also matters is how I approached it, simply because it required a really tough decision on my part. Let me caveat this by saying that Im not arrogant enough to believe there arent editors who are more skilled, or experienced, or better qualified than I am who could have done a better job. Yes, Ive been in the industry for almost a decade, and I have a very expensive piece of paper that took me three years to obtain just so I can call myself qualified, but no two editors will edit the same way. Which brings me to the decision I had to make: I was about a third of the way into Chronicles of a Reluctant Widower when I called Gerry to give him an update. By this point, I was torn between doing what Ive been taught, and what I knew was right for this story. And if I were to follow my own instincts and follow through on what I believe the story deserved, there was a chance the book itself could be what I call slammed for poor editing. Gerry took my call, and rather than beat around the bush, I was honest: I can rip this story apart and put it back together for the sake of technicalities, and craft, and story structure, and grammar, and all the other things I fix when Im editing a manuscript, but with this story, I dont want to. Now, Gerry is an incredibly gifted storyteller, of this I am aware, but this isnt just another story to him, and I needed to honour that. Of course, my worry was that once Gerry saw what I did (or didnt do) to his manuscript, hed be wondering what he paid for, and I was honest about that too. To have ripped this story apart would have taken away from the very thing that gives it life: magic. And worse still, I would have changed Gerrys voice. It isnt my job to do that. Im the one who makes it better, and helps a writer hone their skill, but I simply told Gerry, I wont change the way this story is written. I refuse. And if anyone complains about the editing, you can send them straight to me. Gerry, of course, was surprised (I dont know why), but I went on to explain that this story is an experience, and the love he feels for his wife, Andrea, is punctuated by how he has penned this story. The events arent chronological, and there are many Gerry-isms that not only bring comedic relief, but also exemplify his vulnerability, and were I to throw a style guide at this the way I would any other manuscript, Id take the very things that make this story so beautiful, away. And now, dear reader, I will tell you what I told Gerry: This story is stunning. It is unlike anything I have ever read, or edited, and it left me speechless. It is both breathtaking, and heartbreaking, and makes you laugh when you want to cry, and cry when you want to laugh. Its a love story so poignant, and authentic, there is nothing I can do to make it better. Clean it up? Yes. But make it better? No. Because this story, and how it was written, is the ultimate metaphor for how Gerry loved Andrea some parts are messy, some parts dont make sense, some parts are hilarious, some parts break your heart, some parts are ridiculous, and some parts are pure love. And I made the decision to keep all of it, the way it is, because life isnt editable, and neither is losing the love of your life and writing about it. My hope is that you will have the same experience reading this story that I did. That itll move you, make you laugh, make you cry, and make you sit back and reflect. Gerry, it was an absolute honour, and privilege, to work on this, and to experience your journey with Andrea, and yourself, through your eyes. I will never be the same after reading this, and I hope everyone who picks this up, will feel the same.

Tamsyn

Foreword.

by Dr Marlene Arndt,
clinical psychologist

The secret source of humour is not joy but sorrow; there is no humour in heaven.

- Mark Twain

There is a difference between authors who set out to write a novel and authors who set out to tell a story. At once touching and devastating, the book explores a love-story and the effect of death and gut-wrenching grief on a personal and intimate level. The author writes with a personal voice that feels more like a having a conversation than reading a book. This book is centred around loss and grief; however, it is also a story of a joyful and unique partnership. Parts of his experience may have been told before, but never with such honesty. The author does not shy away from talking about the good times as if to avoid pain.

Of course, its one thing to experience grief and quite another thing to write about it. With humour, laughter, and gratitude, he navigates his personal grief process. And, because humour draws us in, it is an ideal way to give the reader an intimate look at the grieving man. If you are fortunate enough to be present when a grieving man expresses his pain in this way, and if you do not know what to say, say nothing. If you have ever wondered what it was like to walk in a reluctant widowers shoes, then this is an unflinchingly honest place to start.

This is a book I will continually refer to and gleaning wisdom from, especially in times of grief and in seeking to be a comfort to others.

Dr Marlene Arndt, August 2021

Author's Foreword.

Well, hello there, Gentle Reader. Thank you for picking up this book. Just you reading this paragraph shows courage. Why? Because what lies ahead is a remarkable yet disturbing story. My story, to be sure. But ultimately it is about my wife, Andrea, who died of breast cancer in December of that annus horribilis which was 2020. But it aint about cancer and a self-indulgent tale of poor-me woe.

So, what is this book about, then? Its a story about love, about death, and then, at the end, a story about stumbling over silver linings and finding meaning, even if the meaning only comes tomorrow.

Not gonna lie, this is a harrowing book. Some depictions are graphic, but I hope not gratuitous. What can I do? Its a harrowing tale.

And paradoxically, hilarious.

You are about to enter my living room. Just you and me in the intimacy of my house. Kick off your shoes, grab something cold or something hot and get comfy. Im about to tell you a story about the loser who got the troubled yet inspiring girl, how he lost her, and how he managed to get out the other side.