Simon Doonan - Wacky Chicks: Life Lessons from Fearlessly Inappropriate and Fabulously Eccentric Women

W eve done something silly.

In our fevered quest to find gurus and role models to admire and look up to, we have not always looked in the best places. In the 1980s, for example, a collective screechy hysteria infected popular culture, and everybody rashly decided that movie actors were really, really, really important. During this recklessly superficial period, they, the movie actors, became the icons of our age. No, we didnt pick useful people like brain surgeons, firemen or coffee shop waitresses. We chose show-biz folk. And then we sat there like puddings and inhaled all this drivel about the supposedly squintingly brilliant glam lives of these celebs, and we actually started to believe the hype. And gradually by the 1990s, we strove to live vicariously through them. If only we could be one-millionth as fabulous as Julia or Nicole or even Linda Hunt!

Movie actors reciprocated this adulation by becoming progressively more self-important. They started to refer to their own bodies as their instruments. On podiums and red carpets from London to Burbank, they lost no opportunity to share heartfelt, irony-free observations about each others interesting choices and about the courage it takes to build a body of work.

Acting was once thought of as a simpletons profession. In ancient Rome, actors were held in the same esteem as hookers and shoplifters. At best acting was a grown-up version of lets pretend: thats why child actors never need acting lessons. By the 1990s acting had become a craft and actresses now referred to themselves as actors.

Though unfortunate, this pretentious buffoonery is all fairly harmless. And thankfully the celebs all look quite delightful in the free drag, which they receive from Giorgio Armani and others. But now, nearly twenty years later, arent you starting to question the whole notion just a tidgy bit? Shouldnt we expect a bit more from our cultural icons than good looks, the ability to keep their weight down and a talent for showing up on a movie set on time? Shouldnt we, instead, be worshipping people like Isabel Garrett?

If we have this burning desire to deify somebody or other, why didnt we pick Miss Garrett? Busty, coquettish Isabel is so infinitely more worthy of our idolatry than Gwyneth or Halle or even Dame Judi.

Who the hell is Isabel Garrett?

For starters, Isabel is a free bird. Shes a skip-along, go-anywhere kind of a gal who is a total dab hand at maneuvering a motor home, which isnt really surprising, since she spends most of the year driving around the U.S. in a rather large one. She stops occasionally and sets up shop at the swinger conventions and biker rallies, where she sells her fetish-wear. This mobile maison de la mode is the nerve center of Body Webs, the slashed-and-sexy-spandex business that Ms. Garrett has operated since the early 1990s.

I first became aware of Isabel when an intuitive colleague drew my attention to a piquant write-up about Body Webs in Womens Wear Daily. I tracked Isabel down, to a nudist colony.

When not peddling her wares at Dressing for Pleasure or at the Lifestyle Convention in Las Vegas, she parks at the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort in Kissimmee, Florida. Shes been a go-go dancer and a follower of Ayn Rand. Oh, and did I mention her white-hot, meteoric rise to prominence in the toy industry, where she gained notoriety as the creator of the acclaimed Whoopsie Doll?

Isabel is a multifaceted, untamed supervixen powered by an uncensored, unfettered creative energy, which could and frequently does blow the toupee/chest-wig off even the most adhesive-conscious swinger. Isabel is one of a new breed of women. Isabel is a wacky chick.

Who are the wacky chicks? And what makes this new breed of insurgent revolutionaries tick? Gird up your loins, stiffen the sinews, paint your wagon and summon the blood, because youre about to find out.

Wacky chicks are a burgeoning and highly entertaining phenomenon. Wacky chicks will change the world. Wacky chicks dare to annoy. Wacky chicks empower themselves and others without acting like blokes. Wacky chicks are having more fun than most regular chicks and all men, except maybe gay men. Wacky chicks are disapproval-immune. Wacky chicks are like grown-up Eloises. Wacky chicks are belligerent, resilient, uninhibited, naughty, creative and hilariousi.e., wacky chicks are B.R.U.N.C.H.

When I first encountered Isabel, I was bowled over by her reckless individuality. When they made old Izzy, they definitely broke the moldor did they? Gradually I found I was meeting more and more of these over-the-top broads. Was I witnessing a trend? Almost overnight, I found it was impossible to leave the house without running into obstreperous, fishnet-wearing, nonconformist, often stylish and not infrequently foulmouthed females: Brigid Berlin, the former Warhol muse, who divides her time between scarfing down Key lime pies, cruising round Manhattan in a chauffeured limo with her pugs and making paintings with her ample breasts; abortion activist and vintage-clothing maven Sunny Chapman, who successfully vanquished out swarms of bees from under her dirndl skirt while working as a mead wench at Renaissance fairs; celebrity hypnotist Jessica Porter, who produced and performed in the worlds first macrobiotic dinner-theater productions; photographer and Tom Fordmuse Lisa Eisner, who is obsessed with what she has dubbed geezer chic. This mother of two drives around Bel Air in a ragtop, sleazeball Cadillac dressed in Sammy Daviss old clothes.