Charmaine Chan's lyrical memoir speaks to the soul of anyone who knows the desperate pain of watching a loved one dying, little by little. By acknowledging the grieving process as one that begins long before death makes its final claim, Charmaine validates its part in the shared human experience, and gives voice to that awful sadness we seem only to permit ourselves during eulogies. She confronts the dread of no more being able to form new memories with the only other inhabitants of a shared local universe as usour siblingswith precision, sensitivity and, above all, honesty.
Serene Goh, head of SPH Content Lab
Grief overwhelms. It engulfs every other thought, feeling, and activity. And while the worst pangs of it may eventually be alleviated, those who survive the loss of a loved one will only learn to cope with the grief, never really getting over it.
In The Magic Circle , Charmaine Chan offers an intimate look at the loss of her sister to cancer and the grief with which she has come to live with. In a mix of raw honesty and good humour, she does not try to sugarcoat the reality of the pain caused by the loss of her sister, but rather manages to find the remedy that eventually makes grief bearable, a blend of strong memories and strong family bonds.
This work preserves Charmaines memories of her sister in a voice unaccustomed to expressing such depths of emotion, the voice of one who seldom believed she would be heard, even if she did bother to speak. This brings a level of self-awareness to the story that gives it a measure of gravity, making it a compelling read. While grief never fully goes away after the loss of a loved one, this remedy has been tried and proven in the authors own life, and as I have seen in my years of acquaintance with her, it is a remedy that gives Charmaine the ability to bear the grief with strength and grace.
Shelly Bryant, poet, writer, and translator
Chan deftly takes us back to her childhood in Singapore, juxtaposing fun, idyllic days and a tight family bond to how the family unravels and reconstructs itselfalbeit jaggedlyin the face of Elaines illness. Yet, amid the despair and heart-breaking revelations, Chan injects moments of mischief and levity that make for delicious reading in spite of the depressing topic. It is clear that the intervening years have given Chan insights and perspectives that elevate the story from mere memoir to a breathtaking rumination about grief and memory, loss and love.
Jennifer Chen, editor of The Peak
A personal confrontation with the prepense volatility of memory, Chan's story grasps the emotions, effectively such that it necessitates intense, personal reflection. Presented to readers is the sum of Chan's personal life-circle, an ellipse of memories that recalls a Singaporean childhood cast between infinite possibility, and finite certainty.
Dr Adam Staley Groves, Lecturer and Fellow at Tembusu College, NUS
We are stars in the immeasurable heavens, at once living and dying. This memoir wrenches and warms the heart, weaving reminiscences of the author's growing up years with the harrowing superventions of terminal illness and inescapable, tragic loss. Chans writing is assured and intuitive and her prose is well-honed. As I immersed myself in her story, her intimate companions hope, despair, faith, fear, sorrow and joy accompanied me to the bitter-sweet conclusion.
Aaron Lee, writer-poet, co-founder of Laniakea Culture Collective
The Magic Circle
Charmaine Chan, 2017
ISBN 978-981-11-3996-3 (Paperback)
ISBN 978-981-14-1503-6 (E-book)
Published under the imprint Ethos Books
by Pagesetters Services Pte Ltd
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28 Sin Ming Lane
Singapore 573972
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The publisher reserves all rights to this title.
Except for the quotation of short passages for the purpose of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Cover design by Maliah Zubir
Layout and design by Word Image Pte Ltd
Printed by Markono Print Media Pte Ltd
2 3 4 5 6 21 20 19 18
First published under this imprint in 2017
Typeface: Crimson
Material: 70gsm Prima Antique Cream Bulk 2.0
National Library Board, Singapore Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
Names: Chan, Charmaine.
Title: The Magic Circle / Charmaine Chan.
Description: Singapore : Ethos Books, [2017]
Identifiers: OCN 1000472646 | 978-981-11-3996-3 (pbk) | 978-981-14-1503-6 (ebk)
Subjects: LCSH: Bereavement--Singapore. | Sisters--Singapore--Biography. | Cancer--Patients--Family relationships. | Chan, Charmaine--Family.
Classification: DDC 306.87092--dc23
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For my niece Yazmin, and my sister, Elaine,
who in the end was the only one
with the power to push me into doing what I was born to do
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Prologue
This story starts from the very beginning, as all the best fairy tales do, with Once upon a time
Once upon a time, there lived a king in a faraway land. His lovely queen had presented him with three daughters, each one more special than the last.
At each birth, the Good Fairy had stood by with her magic wand and waved it over the child. At the first birth, she said, She will be intelligent and physically talentedeverything she turns her hand to, she will do well. She will possess a special kind of charisma. Everyone who knows her will love her as if caught up in a spell.
At the second birth, the Fairy said, She will be blessed with an extraordinary beauty and a rare and personal charm. But most of all, she will always be lit from within by a passion for life, so strong it will shine out of her like a living flame.