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Charmaine Chan - The Magic Circle

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Charmaine Chan The Magic Circle
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I sit by your bed and watch you, as I sometimes do. There are days when you are so beautiful and vivacious and alive, we cannot believe that you are going to die. Other days, we are convinced you are at deaths door and that this, this is the day that we will lose you... Now I bear witness to the disease that is eating you up alive, ravaging your physical shell. I look at your wasted body, once so slim and graceful; at the jaundiced pallor of your once perfect skin stretched tight around the still lovely bones of your face; at the way shadows collect in the hollows around your eyes and your collarbones. And very slowly, inside me, something small starts to crack. A tiny fissure that spreads and widens, before splitting open entirely to let something hot and liquid well up like molten lava, threatening to spill out the sides of my mouth, as rich and bitter and metallic as blood. Is this then what heartbreak feels like?

The Magic Circle tells the story of what happens when Charmaine Chans sister Elaine is diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer. As the illness progresses, family members living on different continents gather together during Elaines last days. Striving to distract Elaine from the worst effects of the cancer, Charmaine takes to the pen: conjuring up the vanished world of their childhood in Singapore, and discovering a way to keep her promise to Elaines six-year-old daughter. A contemplation on grief and loss, nostalgia and yearning, The Magic Circle is for anyone whos been torn apart and put back again by the inexplicable power of memory.

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Charmaine Chan's lyrical memoir speaks to the soul of anyone who knows the desperate pain of watching a loved one dying, little by little. By acknowledging the grieving process as one that begins long before death makes its final claim, Charmaine validates its part in the shared human experience, and gives voice to that awful sadness we seem only to permit ourselves during eulogies. She confronts the dread of no more being able to form new memories with the only other inhabitants of a shared local universe as usour siblingswith precision, sensitivity and, above all, honesty.
Serene Goh, head of SPH Content Lab
Grief overwhelms. It engulfs every other thought, feeling, and activity. And while the worst pangs of it may eventually be alleviated, those who survive the loss of a loved one will only learn to cope with the grief, never really getting over it.
In The Magic Circle , Charmaine Chan offers an intimate look at the loss of her sister to cancer and the grief with which she has come to live with. In a mix of raw honesty and good humour, she does not try to sugarcoat the reality of the pain caused by the loss of her sister, but rather manages to find the remedy that eventually makes grief bearable, a blend of strong memories and strong family bonds.
This work preserves Charmaines memories of her sister in a voice unaccustomed to expressing such depths of emotion, the voice of one who seldom believed she would be heard, even if she did bother to speak. This brings a level of self-awareness to the story that gives it a measure of gravity, making it a compelling read. While grief never fully goes away after the loss of a loved one, this remedy has been tried and proven in the authors own life, and as I have seen in my years of acquaintance with her, it is a remedy that gives Charmaine the ability to bear the grief with strength and grace.
Shelly Bryant, poet, writer, and translator
Chan deftly takes us back to her childhood in Singapore, juxtaposing fun, idyllic days and a tight family bond to how the family unravels and reconstructs itselfalbeit jaggedlyin the face of Elaines illness. Yet, amid the despair and heart-breaking revelations, Chan injects moments of mischief and levity that make for delicious reading in spite of the depressing topic. It is clear that the intervening years have given Chan insights and perspectives that elevate the story from mere memoir to a breathtaking rumination about grief and memory, loss and love.
Jennifer Chen, editor of The Peak
A personal confrontation with the prepense volatility of memory, Chan's story grasps the emotions, effectively such that it necessitates intense, personal reflection. Presented to readers is the sum of Chan's personal life-circle, an ellipse of memories that recalls a Singaporean childhood cast between infinite possibility, and finite certainty.
Dr Adam Staley Groves, Lecturer and Fellow at Tembusu College, NUS
We are stars in the immeasurable heavens, at once living and dying. This memoir wrenches and warms the heart, weaving reminiscences of the author's growing up years with the harrowing superventions of terminal illness and inescapable, tragic loss. Chans writing is assured and intuitive and her prose is well-honed. As I immersed myself in her story, her intimate companions hope, despair, faith, fear, sorrow and joy accompanied me to the bitter-sweet conclusion.
Aaron Lee, writer-poet, co-founder of Laniakea Culture Collective
The Magic Circle Charmaine Chan 2017 ISBN 978-981-11-3996-3 Paperback ISBN - photo 1

The Magic Circle
Charmaine Chan, 2017

ISBN 978-981-11-3996-3 (Paperback)
ISBN 978-981-14-1503-6 (E-book)

Published under the imprint Ethos Books
by Pagesetters Services Pte Ltd
#06-131 Midview City
28 Sin Ming Lane
Singapore 573972
www.ethosbooks.com.sg
www.facebook.com/ethosbooks

with the support of

The publisher reserves all rights to this title Except for the quotation of - photo 2

The publisher reserves all rights to this title.
Except for the quotation of short passages for the purpose of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Cover design by Maliah Zubir
Layout and design by Word Image Pte Ltd
Printed by Markono Print Media Pte Ltd

2 3 4 5 6 21 20 19 18

First published under this imprint in 2017

Typeface: Crimson
Material: 70gsm Prima Antique Cream Bulk 2.0

National Library Board, Singapore Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

Names: Chan, Charmaine.
Title: The Magic Circle / Charmaine Chan.
Description: Singapore : Ethos Books, [2017]
Identifiers: OCN 1000472646 | 978-981-11-3996-3 (pbk) | 978-981-14-1503-6 (ebk)
Subjects: LCSH: Bereavement--Singapore. | Sisters--Singapore--Biography. | Cancer--Patients--Family relationships. | Chan, Charmaine--Family.
Classification: DDC 306.87092--dc23

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with.
If youre reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, please consider getting your own copy from ethosbooks.com.sg. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
For my niece Yazmin, and my sister, Elaine,
who in the end was the only one
with the power to push me into doing what I was born to do
ABOUT ETHOS BOOKS
Giving voice to emerging and exciting writers from diverse backgrounds, we help foster an environment in which literature and the arts not only survive, but thrive.
Thats why our authors and their ideas come first. By taking a collaborative approach to publishing, we bring each authors voice and vision to fruition.
We are always open to new ideas: different ways of working and fresh ways of delivering the unparalleled satisfaction only a good book can bring.
Established in 1997, Ethos Books, an imprint of Pagesetters Services Pte Ltd, aims to create books that capture the spirit of a people and reflect the ethos of our changing times.
Visit us at www.ethosbooks.com.sg
Prologue This story starts from the very beginning as all the best fairy - photo 3
Prologue This story starts from the very beginning as all the best fairy - photo 4
Prologue
This story starts from the very beginning, as all the best fairy tales do, with Once upon a time

Once upon a time, there lived a king in a faraway land. His lovely queen had presented him with three daughters, each one more special than the last.

At each birth, the Good Fairy had stood by with her magic wand and waved it over the child. At the first birth, she said, She will be intelligent and physically talentedeverything she turns her hand to, she will do well. She will possess a special kind of charisma. Everyone who knows her will love her as if caught up in a spell.

At the second birth, the Fairy said, She will be blessed with an extraordinary beauty and a rare and personal charm. But most of all, she will always be lit from within by a passion for life, so strong it will shine out of her like a living flame.

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