Burl Barer - A Taste For Murder

Introduction

by Burl Barer

How do I kill thee? Let me count the ways.

Guns, knives, blunt objects, strangulation.

No matter who or how you slice or shoot, killing is a messy deal. Guns make too much noise. Bullets can be traced. Then theres the blood.

Anyone who reads true crime knows that all murders require motive, means, and opportunity. Means is the method of murderthe gun, the knife, the hammer to the head.

Sometimes the police conduct brilliant investigations leading to an arrest. Other times, the killer is an absolute idiot who does such things as leave MapQuest directions from their home to the crime scene. Today, with all the modern advancements in technology, we think cops can swoop in with a CSI team and solve anything.

Thats on television. In real life, its not that easy, and weve even had the head of a CSI lab sent to prison for faking evidence that put innocent people behind bars.

So, back to basics. Killing me loudly with your gun is not a good idea by any standard.

If the victim isnt holding one in his hand when the cops and coroner get there, they will figure out pretty quick that they are dealing with murder. And even if the dead body is clutching a hand gun, if the shot was fired from five feet away it proves that the killer failed an attempt to make it look like suicide.

Discussion about such matters are the stuff of conversations with crime writer Frank Girardot, Jr. at a Starbucks in Pasadena, California, not too far from the route of the annual Rose Parade. No doubt the other patrons find our cappuccino-laced detailing of death, dismemberment, manipulated crime scenes, and diabolical schemes either repellant or fascinating. In Pasadena, coffee shop conversations usually avoid such discomforting topics.

Frank knew a guy who did time in prison for a 1967 murder up in Fresno. The guy used a gun, and he threw the murder weapon into the Yosemite River. Well, almost. The cops found it on a cement pylon holding up a bridge at the Madera County line. He missed the river by less than a foot.

That guy was a pimp. And the victim was a customer down in Farmersville who got rough with one of the girls. In the pimp code its the sort of crime that cries out for justice.

Doing time with guys like Jimmy the Weasel Fratianno, other big-time mobsters, second story men, flim-flam guys, and an assortment of jazz musicians popped for dope crimes in a less progressive time, Franks pimp pal learned a lot about how cops, prosecutors, judges, juries, and straight citizens viewed gun crimes.

Shoot a guy once, you might get away with self-defense. Shoot him once in the back? Nope. At close range? Nope, that doesnt work either. Shoot him more than once, every bullet that enters the dead mans body exponentially lowers your chances of getting off.

Think a sharp knife might be better?

Probably not. You have to get up close and personal with a blade. Unless your victim is asleep youre going to have to fight to record the kill. Rest assured there will be a mess. Chances are youll get hurt too.

Great example of that is the 2014 knife slayings of Pasadena chef Larry Bressler and his wife, Diane. The Grateful Dead fans, who wouldnt harm a flea, were knifed to death in their apartment on North Madison Avenue.

The alleged killer got wounded in the attack. He was caught wandering the early morning streets of central Pasadena covered in blood. It is difficult to create a convincing explanation to the cops as to why youre covered in blood, especially when it isnt your own.

Spokane serial killer Robert Lee Yates, Jr. came home one night with the inside of the family van soaked in blood. He told his wife and kids that he hit a dog, and he took the dying, profusely bleeding animal to the pet hospital. They believed him until he was arrested for murdering at least eighteen women. Nothing like having a beloved family member arrested for multiple homicides to have you reevaluating their explanation for any event involving blood-soaked anything.

For the sake of discussion, lets say you kill two people with a knife. If you dont want to get caught, you not only have to get rid of the knife, but stabbing and slashing people causes extreme amounts of blood. And as you are right there when the blood spurts, you are going to be covered in it.

This was one of the many reasonable doubts that the jury acknowledged in their verdict of not guilty in the famed O.J. Simpson trial. After all, Ron Goldman was slashed and stabbed over twenty-two times. Nicole Browns head was almost completely severed from her body. Over three pints of blood spurted from their bodies in a ten-by-ten enclosed area. The murderer would be completely drenched in blood, even more so than the man found wandering the streets of Pasadena.

The LAPD found no blood from the victims anywhere on anything related to Mr. Simpson other than the few spots which the expert from the FBI confirmed were from the sample Mr. Simpson provided police after he returned from Chicago, after the murders. The LAPD even dismantled all the plumbing at Simpsons home and found no trace of blood in any of the pipes. None.

In that case, it was the significant lack of blood evidence, and the offensive alleged planting, for whatever reason, of a few spots by police, that gave the jury more than reasonable doubt.

Moral of the storyunless you are a trained Columbian drug cartel executioner with no known personal connection to your victims or you are someone with the psychiatric condition of Violent Rage Disorder with a history of attacking people with knives who was, immediately prior to the murders, stood up for dinner by Nicole Brown but somehow escaped serious consideration by law enforcementknives are no way to commit murder.

How about you murder with your bare hands? Thats called strangulation. That requires strength and about five minutes of stamina. Forensic experts can extract fingerprints from skin-to-skin contact, so youll have to wear gloves. Unfortunately, gloves could leave fiber evidence behind. Strangle somebody you know, and the cops will have you confessing to it before twenty-four hours have passed.

Ligature strangulation isnt much better. Use a rope, a cord, a wire, and theres a great chance the cops will find the receipt from the hardware store where you bought the rope, the cord, or the wire. Oh yeah, it will have your credit card number on it too.