Justyn Rees Larcombe - Tails I Lose: The Compulsive Gambler Who Lost His Shirt For Good

Text copyright 2014 Justyn Rees Larcombe
This edition copyright 2014 Lion Hudson

The right of Justyn Rees Larcombe to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Published by Lion Books
an imprint of

Lion Hudson plc

Wilkinson House, Jordan Hill Road,
Oxford OX2 8DR, England
www.lionhudson.com/lion

ISBN 978 0 7459 5647 3
e-ISBN 978 0 7459 5648 0

First edition 2014

Acknowledgments

The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (AAWS) Permission to adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AAWS has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that AAWS necessarily agrees with the views expressed herein. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism only - use of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or in any other non-A.A. context, does not imply otherwise.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

If there are those who doubt that gambling can be addictive, who dont know how it can bring good people low, who are sceptical about a gambling addicts ability to recover, or who think that government controls on the growth of gambling are uncalled for, then this important and highly readable book should be required reading for them. Be warned: it will make you cry.

Professor Jim Orford, University of Birmingham & Gambling Watch UK.

This book is a wonderful companion to have, for anyone at any stage of the journey with problem gambling. Justyn tells his story with grit, honesty, and wisdom. It is easy, yet difficult, to read and his experiences cannot help but raise awareness of this serious issue.

Paul Buck, managing director of EPIC Problem Gambling Consultancy

This is a most compelling account of the ups and downs of life, written with deep passion and total honesty.

General the Lord Dannatt GCB CBE MC DL

Tails I Lose is a raw and fascinating account of Justyns journey; from the high achieving Army and City, dedicated family man, who, despite living to the highest personal moral code, fell onto a path of personal despair and destruction. Gambling addiction seeps into every aspect of the gamblers life, and its ripple effect is felt by all those around the gambler. There is no mercy once the addiction takes over.

Frankie Graham, the founder and director of Betknowmore (BKM UK)

Having worked, like Justyn, in the City environment and subsequently as a Trustee of Credit Action, an Advisor with The Citizens Advice Bureau and as Chairman of West Kent Debt Advice, I am familiar with the use and abuse of money, having experienced its temptations and seen its devastating impact on peoples lives. Justyns book is a timely wake-up call to all who believe they can beat the system and who think they are invulnerable.

Graeme Connell, founder of West Kent Debt Advice

Mr Larcombes vivid and moving description of his success in overcoming the scourge of addiction will be an inspiration to any readers who may find themselves in similar circumstances.

Lord Browne of Belmont, peer and former Lord Mayor of Belfast

To Emma, my inspiration.

To all those yet to start their journey to recovery,
and the ones who never had the chance.

Contents

Acknowledgments

My heartfelt thanks to Gill Tavner for taking time out to support me editorially and also to Alison Hull and all the team at Lion Hudson. Your wisdom and patience have been inspiring. With special thanks to my mother for believing in me and encouraging me to to write.

Prologue

My right leg was jiggling. I pushed firmly on my knee with a sweaty palm, hoping one of the cameras hadnt already picked up on the involuntary movement. I counted at least ten cameras in the brightly lit studio. Some were fixed to the floor, too big to move; other, hand-held models zipped around like insects, while the mid-sized versions seemed to hover just above the floor. One was even mounted on a long arm, controlled remotely by someone I couldnt see.

Five minutes to broadcast and remember, dont pick your nose, and if you do fall asleep, do it with your eyes open. Above all, never, never look at the cameras. The studio manager sounded like an old pro; he knew how to make the audience laugh. There was nothing he hadnt seen before, nothing was going to faze him.

Actually, where was I supposed to look? I wiped away a bead of sweat before it trickled down my powdered face.

The last empty seat had just been filled a few rows behind me and now there was a buzz of expectation as the studio guests pointed out the celebrities to their neighbours. I fidgeted on my front-row seat, trying in vain to get comfortable. The little studio was now packed. The lady on my right, elegant in a short red polka-dot dress, seemed familiar to me. I tried, but couldnt place her. I knew the comedian on my left though; he had flown out to Bosnia to entertain the soldiers when I was still in the Army. That was fifteen years ago. Hed gone public about his addiction to drugs and alcohol since then and was the star of a recent celebrity reality show.

OK, everyone, welcome to the Great Live Debt Debate . Were two minutes to go. It was Nick Farrari, the TV presenter and our host for the show that was about to be broadcast live to millions of people.

Tonight is all about you. The success of this programme is down to how involved you want to be. Out front here well have the panel. If you dont agree with anything they or anyone else says, shout out. No point putting your hand up politely like you did at school; youll be there all night. Just shout. Were after the 10 p.m. watershed, so we dont mind if your language is colourful, but see those guys over there? He pointed towards two body builders lurking in the shadows at the back of the room. Thats security. If youre disruptive, youll be taken out. Now, lets practise some applause.

It took us three attempts before Nick was happy.

OK, sixty seconds. And these chairs, he said, pointing his clipboard at the front of the stage, will be occupied by members of the panel. Well change the folk up here at each interval, depending on how the debate is going. Remember, challenge them, dont give them an easy ride. Some of you have come a long way; this is your chance to be on TV. Lets make some noise!

Id made a terrible mistake. I didnt belong here. I wanted to walk out, but I was trapped. I knew if I stood up, Id feel the hands of security pushing me back down in my seat. I made up my mind not to say anything. I wasnt about to shout anything out.

OK, Justyn, we need to wire you up. It was the floor manager and, as he clipped the radio mic to my shirt, I knew it wouldnt be possible to hide.

The debate kicked off and after two minutes, I was horrified. People were ranting and raving, fingers were being pointed and accusations flew. Here were debtors who blamed the banks for giving them credit, bankers blaming the debtors for being irresponsible. The room was blue with language I hadnt heard since leaving the Army. There were people on benefits facing a life of poverty, and celebrities who had gone bankrupt rather than pay their tax bill. On the big screen shocking stories of debt and misery were shown, stoking up the fires of disagreement and fuelling yet more arguments. I slid down even further in my uncomfortable chair. I didnt belong there; I wished Id never agreed to it. It was a freak show and I was one of the freaks, about to be publicly humiliated in front of the nation.