Dan Gediman - This I Believe: On Motherhood

CONTENTS

Previous books published by John Wiley & Sons and Jossey-Bass in the This I Believe series, edited by Dan Gediman, John Gregory, and Mary Jo Gediman:

This I Believe: Life Lessons

This I Believe: On Fatherhood

This I Believe: On Love

Copyright 2012 by This I Believe, Inc. All rights reserved.

This I Believe is a registered trademark of This I Believe, Inc.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

This I believe : on motherhood / edited by Dan Gediman; with John Gregory and Mary Jo Gediman.

p. cm. (This I believe series)

ISBN 978-1-118-07453-4 (cloth); ISBN 978-1-118-22980-4 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-22986-6 (ebk.); ISBN 978-1-118-22994-1 (ebk.)

1. Motherhood. 2. Mothers. I. Gediman, Dan. II. Gregory, John, date. III. Gediman, Mary Jo.

HQ759.T4475 2012

306.874'3dc23

2011047025

first edition

To Margot Trevor Wheelock, who was responsible for

This I Believe

Introduction

In 2011, This I Believe, Inc., published a collection of sixty essays exploring the subject of fatherhood. Now we are pleased to complement that publication with this edition about motherhood. The sixty essayists in this book dig deeply into what one writer calls the definitive relation. When we are children, our mothers are the people we most want to impress and make proud. They are the ones against whom we often rebel, and from whom we may draw our greatest strength. For mothers, their children often are the embodiment of their hopes and dreams for the future.

Birth is the beginning of time, says essayist Geeta Maker-Clark. For me, it is a great metaphor for all that is still mysterious and magnificent in the world.

Adults and young essayists in this book tell us of the life wisdom they learned from their mothers. Maternal knowledge can be passed in a direct conversation when advice is offeredeven if it wasnt solicited. Other times, wisdom is taught in a more indirect way. It may be shared through the words of a newspaper clipping stuck to the refrigerator, or in the faces of a faded photograph tucked in a drawer. Instructions for living a good life can even be found in surprising places: a song lyric from the Rolling Stones, a Beatles album cover, or a timeworn recipe card.

These writers detail the many jobs mothers perform: the breadwinners, the teachers, the cheerleaders, the eternal optimists in a world full of bitterness and uncertainty. We hear about alpha moms, hero moms, and household CEOs. Perhaps the most common role, though, is as the person providing safe harbor from the storms of life. I remember the security and warmth I felt with my mothers arms around me, knowing that someone was there to focus genuine love and healing attention on my miserable and needy twelve-year-old self, writes Lily Llamzon Darais.

Of course the mother-child relationshiplike any relationshipis not always perfect. The bond can be as painful and dysfunctional as it can be nurturing and constructive. I know my mother loves me, but I also know its because she has to, writes Jamie Lemke-Barrand of her battles with her mother. The challenges of intimacy are evident in several essays in this collection, as the writers honestly share their stories of making peace with the mistakes theyve made, and of the reconciliations theyve struggled to achieve.

The children featured in this collectionboth those still in the blush of youth and those recalling their younger daysoffer their perspectives on the women who raised them, whether theyre biological mothers, stepmoms, or adoptive ones. Even while serving a jail sentence, Michael Taylor drew inspiration from his mother: Through every obstacle I encountered I would think to myself, If Mother overcame her challenges, I have no excuse not to do the same. These essayists remind us that mothers may not share our opinions or approve of all our actions, but they mostly do believe in usand we believe in them, even if we arent always able to show it or say it.

The passage of time eventually brings an end to the relationship, sometimes through divorce or estrangement, sometimes when a child is given up for adoption, and, for all of us, when death comes. But even in the pain that comes from the breaking of such a fundamental bond, there is hope. Alice Roche Cody already had one son when she experienced a miscarriage at sixteen weeks, yet she has the fortitude to say, Grief has made me a better mother. More often, though, its the child who struggles to comprehend the passing of a parent. Mary Lou Hurley was a teenager when she lost her mother. My memories of her are how I learned to be a mother, Hurley says, proving that even after a mothers death, her spirit can remain a presence that provides encouragement and guidance through the veil of memory.

I believe that being a mother is more than biology, advises Jennifer Smith. Being a mother is a state of mind. In many cases this is a state of resilience and loyalty, the fierce determination of a mother to protect her child. You will read about women who will not give up when the odds are stacked against them, from fighting poverty or drug addiction to becoming a teen mother and raising a child alone. Whether she is a mother hearing her childs diagnosis of autism or Down syndrome, or a child who becomes the caregiver for an ailing mother, these essayists offer their testaments to facing challenges and coming through their ordeals stronger and wiser.