Edwin H. Friedman - A Failure of Nerve: Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix

T he premature death of our colleague and friend Edwin H. Friedman on October 31, 1996 illustrates the moral of his fable The Bridge: When things start going really well, watch out. Internationally known as a lecturer and author, Eds sense of paradox, humor, and particular brand of storytelling were the trademark of his teaching style:

Playfulness can get you out of a rut more successfully than seriousness.

Triangles are the plaque in the arteries of communication and stress is the effect of our position in the triangle of our families.

If you are a leader, expect sabotage.

The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. If you want your child, spouse, client, or boss to shape up, stay connected while changing yourself rather than trying to fix them.

Eds immediate draw was his paradoxical wit and playfulness, which he always attributed to his motherthe quickest one-liner I ever met. His ability to capture ambiguities and paradox with a turn of phrase energized and delighted audiences. Those of us who worked with him were challenged in a way that brought hope and courage in defining ourselves, or as Ed entitled his ideas in one sold-out conference, charting your course in a changing world. When we thanked him, he usually responded, Im just the coach: youre the athlete.

Generation to Generation was published in 1985 and provided a new way of thinking about emotional process at home and at work in religious, educational, therapeutic, and business systems. Friedmans Fables came out in 1990. By then Ed was deeply engaged with his work on what would become A Failure of Nerve, testing it out with students and faculty and incorporating changes raised by questions about leadership as a function of emotional systems. His sudden death was a shock to everyone close to him: many of us had believed that the publication of A Failure of Nerve would be the crowning achievement of a remarkable mind and career.

Ed died before completing the second half of his work, in which he planned to challenge the seldom questioned assumption that human beings function solely according to their nature, gender, or background. Rather, he believed they function according to the position they occupy within the emotional processes of their relationship system, whether family, church, or business. Ed asserted that from the perspective of the emotional process view of reality, the way most leadership programs understand the human phenomenon is tantamount to still assuming that the world is flat.

Eds widow, Carlyn Friedman, believed A Failure of Nerve, even in its unfinished form, was an important part of her husbands legacy and she was committed to bringing it to the public. She therefore invited us to be the books principal editors and to make it ready for publication through the Edwin Friedman Trust. As a colleague of Eds, Ted had already been asked to read the manuscript and offer comments at many points; likewise, as Eds adjunct faculty member, Peggy knew drafts of various chapters. Yet reading the manuscript in its entirety was particularly exciting because it gave us the opportunity to observe Ed Friedmans mind at worklike seeing an artists sketch embedded in a partially finished painting. Even though what he envisioned and described was not fully realized, we believed that many readers would appreciate