Terry R. Bacon - What People Want: A Managers Guide to Building Relationships That Work

A Managers Guide to Building Relationships That Work

Terry R. Bacon

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11 10 09 08 07 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

eISBN: 978-0-89106-361-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Bacon, Terry R.

What people want : a managers guide to building relationships that work / Terry R. Bacon.1st ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-89106-216-5 (hardcover)

1. Communication in personnel management. 2. Interpersonal relations. I. Title.

HF5549.5.C6B235 2006

658.3145dc22

2006029719

FIRST EDITION

First printing 2006

In one way or another, I have been leading and managing people for the past thirty-five years. For the last sixteen of those years, I have been the president of Lore International Institute, a firm that provides executive assessment, coaching, and education throughout the world. During my years as an educator and coach, I have been privileged to work with thousands of managers who have, for the most part, done their best to lead others and manage their operations effectively. They have taught me that management is at once the most challenging of vocations and the most rewarding, and that the principal challenge for most of them is not managing technology, systems, operations, finances, or other resources but managing people.

As a student of psychology and an observer of people at their best and less than best, I am convinced that few forces in nature are as complex and sometimes difficult to fathom as the typical human being. We are an astonishing blend of chemical and electrical impulses, histories, drives, conflicts, intentions, affinities, biases, hopes, joys, frustrations, and fearsand when you put us together in teams or organizations that interact with a complex environment over time, the dazzling array of behaviors, attitudes, and relationships is nothing short of stunning. Our brains have evolved from a primitive reptilian core to three pounds of an extraordinarily rich effusion of neurons that permit higher-level cognition as well as consciousness, the capacity for creativity and art, and a genius for discerning the truths of nature. Yet we have difficulty mastering our emotions and often act irrationally, particularly toward one another.

In the seven decades or so that most of us have on this earth, we struggle to make meaning in our lives, and a fundamental component of that meaning is our work. What we do and how well we do it is a source of safety and security. More than that, however, it is a wellspring of pride, a primary basis for self-esteem, and one of the foundations of identity. Consequently, most people take work very seriously, and most do their work in organizations where some people organize the work, deploy the people to do the work, and oversee the organizations systems, processes, and outcomes. I wrote this book for them, for the millions of people in the world of work who have those management roles.

I wrote it partly because I wanted to share some of what Ive learned about managing people but also because it was a helpful way to explore my own experiences as a manager. It helps to step back now and then and reflect on what youve done well and what you might have done better. Ive been blessed in my decades as a teacher and coach to witness both some profoundly effective acts of management and leadership and some stupendously awful ones as well. As Ive observed the effective ones, Ive marveled at how gracefully those managers behavedhow kind, how considerate, how bold, and often how insightful and creative. And as Ive witnessed the ineffective ones, Ive wondered how otherwise bright people could have reacted with such unprofessional behavior. Nonetheless, Im convinced that most managers are doing their best or trying to. By and large, they act with good intentions but often dont realize the negative impact their behavior is having or what price they are paying in terms of lost trust, credibility, and employee goodwill.

Through the years, I have coached many managers who needed help building better relationships with their employees. They realized that management and leadership are mostly about working with and guiding other people, and if they werent naturally talented at building great relationships with the people they managed, they usually werent sure what to do differently. This book is for them. In it, I am offering hundreds of suggestions for building trust, creating a respectful environment, being sensitive to others, setting the right tone, and developing the kinds of employee relationships that result in lower turnover, higher productivity, and much greater employee satisfactionall of which are keys to running efficient and profitable enterprises.

I could not have written a book like this without the help of many other people. First, I would like to acknowledge and thank the thousands of executives and professionals I have worked with as an educator, coach, counselor, or consultant. Whatever Ive given them pales beside what they have given me. You cant teach others without simultaneously having them teaching you.

I would also like to thank the people who read the manuscript and offered valuable insights, suggestions, and corrections. They include Phyllis Lea, Martin Moller, Maryann Billington, and Terryl Leroux, who are colleagues at Lore International Institute. Phyllis, an extraordinary people person, was especially helpful in brainstorming chapter content. Like me, she is an imperfect veteran at human relations (actually, we all are), but she has great ideas and was a valuable thought partner on this project. Likewise, Martin, Maryann, and Terryl had a number of useful suggestions and observations. I am particularly indebted to Martin for his permission to talk about his theater project.

I want to give special thanks to Donna Stewart, my research associate at Lore. She was invaluable in every phase of this project, from the research on relationship needs to editing and proofing the final manuscript. I also want to thank Bruce Spining, who helped considerably in the data gathering, and Joey Maceyak, who programmed the data analysis and gave me the means to view, understand, and interpret the results. Finally, many thanks to Bill Doherty, whose psychometric insights were instrumental in understanding which research results were significant.

Thanks also to Tom Fuhrmark and Sheri Ligtenberg for their capable assistance. Tom created the visuals for the book, and Sheri proofread it. They both made me look better. Thanks to Karen McKibbin, who told some wonderful stories about her grandmother, Dorothy McKibbin; Marian Fry, who offered many powerful observations about people; and especially Virginia Lashbrooke, a friend and psychologist who read the manuscript closely and, over a series of lunches, was profoundly helpful to me. Her keen insights about people, particularly those in management positions, were instrumental in many of the chapters of this book. Thanks, Ginny.